Parents do not be ashamed to perform the Baby Butt Sniff Test (BBST) on your diaper-clad child. The BBST is the quickest, most effective, least invasive and most respectful method to determine whether or not your child has dropped a snickers in their britches. In fact the BBST is more accurate than the eye test and much less disgusting than the finger test. It is common knowledge that mini nuggets can hide in the shadows of diapers upon peeking, and who actually wants poop on their finger?
This past weekend while filming at the State Fair of Texas with the Metro Moms and the DadLabs crew I performed the test on my son and the results came back positive. Noting we had a deposit, I discretely and efficiently changed the child’s diaper, properly disposed of the evidence and went about my merry way.
Listeners to this weeks DadLabs Live Show know that both Daddy Clay and the soon to be Daddy Danny were “grossed out” by the entire deuce to done affair. Such reaction by these two gentlemen portrays the height of irony. Although many years removed from diaper changing and currently reformed from Baby Butt Sniffing, Daddy Clay was an ardent nasal tester in his day. And while he is yet to sniff his first bottom, Daddy Danny is mere months from acquiring his BBST membership card.
These two namby-pambies’ also took offense that I boldly decided to change my child’s diaper in public! While preferring a discrete location to perform clean up and disposal of poo, many times I am left with no choice but to perform the operation for all to see because there is no discrete option available. So I say to you Mr. State Fair Organizer and Mr. Restaraunteur, if you don’t want me to change my child’s soiled diaper in front of the ring toss booth or on the tailgate of my suburban in the parking lot of the Schlotsky’s, INSTALL SOME DIAPER CHANGING STATIONS IN THE MEN”S RESTROOMS!
There I’ve cleared the air.
Brad–
What you so utterly FAILED to do was maintain a BMHD (Buffer Maintaining Human Dignity). Take it from an experienced dad of children that actually potty trained before college, you do not have to bury your schnoz in the seat of your kid’s jumper to perform a proper BBST.
Your kid reeked like New Jersey. I could smell him across the room and we were in the tent where they were deep frying bacon. There was no call for you to confuse proboscis and proctologist.
For all that is decent please maintain a BMHD.
Everybody knows that the BMHD compromises the validity and accuracy of the BBST. False positives can be attained by mere toots when introducing this highly controversial add on to an already 100% accurate test.
I maintain the BMHD, but(t) to remove doubt of false positives I’ll employ ThePeek too. But(t) usually, the amount of resistance to ThePeek confirms the initial wiff. “Can I check?” “Yes.” = False Positive. “NOOOO! Don’t check!” = no need to check, it’s time for a change…
I can’t imagine not having the BBST in my arsenal. I used to feel weird when holding her up to my nose to check it in public, but now it’s like second nature, and you are right – much easier than the finger test, which for some reason, my wife prefers. And I might add, has not turned out so well for her on more than one occasion.
This need to keep baby clean, and to do it simply, actually led to me creating a funny series of posts on my blog called baby products that don’t exit yet, but should – and I started it off with the baby changing table utility belt – another aid in the war against dirty diapers – http://daddybydefault.com/baby-products-that-dont-exist-but-should-2-dads-changing-table-utility-belt/