Hi all, glad to be joining the DadLabs community!

My wife and I are not exactly new parents - our daughter is two-and-a-half now and is the all-consuming centre of our lives.

We were married for a really long time - 18 years - before having her. We're both 45 now.

To other "older" dads - does it make a difference to you? We don't feel that unusual, but all our friends our age either have much older children or don't have kids, so we feel a bit alone in this adventure.

It may be just us, but I do feel like we've had a lot of time for our own lives, and now it's all about her. I mean ALL about her. We do get lost in her life, and while it's really rewarding we don't do much for ourselves.

Are there others here of similar age, and does it make any difference to you?

I don't know if I would call myself an "older" dad (I'm 42 and have a 6- and 9-year-old), but I don't think about age much at all.

Everyone is on their own path in life, and we are all at different points in that journey. I can think of three people who graduated high school the same year I did, and they have kids in college already. Another fellow graduate is a grandmother.

Age is strange: Some people are old at 30, and others are young at 55. Some days I find it hard to believe that I am old enough to be in my second term as president of the United States (not that I ever wanted that job).

As long as folks are happy with their life, that's all that matters.

Jeff

We were married 8 yrs. & finally had our little boy at 41 & 42 after a 2 miscarriages. If the subject comes up we usually say something like, "we didn't start until *very late*, then say how thankful we are to have him, maybe share our story, etc. That's usually the end of the discussion, but many times it will open the door for people to share their story. It's amazing how many people will tell us, almost embarrassed, that they had their first child later in life. It's a shame that "35" is looked at like the "deadline", although I do understand health concerns. To those who have babies in their 20's and maybe grandparents in their 40's (!!!) ...having a baby in your 40's sounds unthinkable. But a lot of grandparents these days are raising their grandkids, so what's the difference? It's all perception. It is a little awkward when all the other parents are 10-15 yrs younger, or you meet a grandparent that is just about your age. It's also a little awkward when someone says to your child "grandpa is here for you..." For us, we try to make sure our son knows we love him & wanted him whenever he came, he has no siblings because he's special (at 7 we shared that he would have had siblings but mommy had 2 miscarriages). He's very social so we've worked very hard at setting up playdates (along with us visiting with the parents), and he has a great network of friends for someone his age, so he really gets the benefit of having to share/work out differences & conflicts. I know some day he will probably be more conscious & maybe embarrassed by our ages, but all we can do is emphasize how special he is, the benefits he has because we were older & he is an "only" (he has LOTS and LOTS of STUFF!). I hope this helps. Have fun and enjoy your little one!! They certainly are a blessing -- whenever they come to us!!

Really interesting subject. I think that your case is becoming more and more common. All the demographics I see point to couples waiting longer and longer to have kids. Anecdotally, I have lots of friends my age (44) that have new and/or first babies in the home. Daddy Brad has a little one, albeit his third, and he is "our age."

Having kids has an impact on your friendship circle no matter when you have them. Maybe your young and lots of friends are childless -- that changes things. Some friends decide not to have kids, so their place may change in the dinner invite rotation.

You will feel so "in step" with parents with kids of a similar age that it stands to reason that you will feel out of step with others. I think it happens to everybody to an extent. You'll probably strike up friendships with younger couples with same-age kids. The common experience will be more than enough to overcome difference in age. Try to embrace it.

I've felt this in another form lately. As my kids get older (12,9,6), I sometimes feel like the online parenting world is for mom and dads of younger kids. I sometimes feel like the web is for new (if not necessarily young) dads. It's not stopping me from participating, I get to play sage and let you know what lies ahead. But it's another manifestation of the same thing.

I'm mid forties with a 5 month old. My wife is 12 years younger. I had a lot of one to three year relationships. It was great but I'm really glad I didn't marry any of them. Then I finally met The One.

Even then, I wasn't sure about kids. Now I sing my version of "I'm A Believer" to our baby girl Little O and her face lights up big every time.

"I thought kids were only cool in Fairy Tales

Meant for someone else, just not me.

Kids were out to get me, thats the way it seemed,

Evil kids were haunting all my dreams.

Then I saw your face! And I'm a believer!" etc etc, you know the song.

Amentor of mine told me something about 15 years ago, and I sometimes think of how true it really is. He had his first family when he was 20 yrs old. Two kids right away. The he got divorced and at 40 married a gal in her late twenties knowing that a new 2nd family was part of the deal.

After a year with his first son of the 2nd marriage (at age 42 or so) I asked if and how the two family experiences were different for him.

He said when he was inhis early 20's he resented the fact that he had a family. They were in his way. He wanted to train and race kayaks and go to the pub afterwards and tell racing lies.

But at 41 yrs old, all he thought about all day was his new born son and couldn't wait to get home to roll around on the carpet with his little boy. I'll never forget him saying "I recommend no man has a child before 40".

Of course this may not hold true for everyone, but it certainly would hold true for me.

Really interesting assertion. I had kids at 30, and I'd say my feelings were a mix of both kinds (20s and 40s).

I think the assertion that men should wait until they are 40 to have kids in an interesting one. I wonder if the same thing hold for women. If not, the idea may have a PR problem on its hands. Know what I mean?

I love the story your mentor told you - that's exactly how I feel about my little girl. I can't wait to come home and play with her, and don't feel that I've missed anything in my life because I've done so much already. I don't know if waiting is "better" but it certainly has worked out for me.

I am 43 and have an 8, 5 and 21 month old and agree that it seems to take ALL my time as well but wouldn't trade it for the world. I can"t seem to remember what the days of unencumbered youth were like so I don't miss it that much. The way I see it your 20's are for college, 30's for recovering from college and 40s having kids.

You guys make me feel like a mixed bag. My wife and I are just pushing 40, but our oldest just turned 18 (my step daughter) and our youngest (ours together) turns 12 in a few days.

So, do I count as an "older" dad, or a dad of "olders"? Maybe a little of both. I know that when the kids were younger, the wife and I had dates at the McDonald's play parks. Not exactly the most romantic, eh?

In my experience, the kids absorb most of your life up until they get to be about 15. Then, though, they start having their own lives, so that has to be juggled around as well.

A lot of the "parent blog" community seems to focus on the young and very young kids, mostly under 10. I sometimes feel like an interloper because I'm out of that stage. There's not quite so much that I can directly relate to on a daily basis with that crowd, although I've "been there, done that" in a lot of cases.

Any way... Hello! I'm new here!

Hi,
I am new here too. I have never been a dad before, and a little nervous doing it at 45. My wife is a good bit younger, and I am hoping God gives me the strength to be a good dad.

Well, if you are hoping he will, then he certainly will. Just having that thought ilustrates the point, I think.

Mine is 7 and 1/2 months old, I see changes in her from when she lays down for a nap to the time she wakes up from that nap. It's the most amazing thing ever.

One thing that may be different because I am older is when she falls asleep in my arms when she is done bottle feeding. Somtimes I'll move her to her crib knowing I have about 30 minutes or so to get a project done. But a lot of times, I just sit with her in my arms and enjoy watching her sleep, just taking in the joy and love, knowing how fleeting this time of her life is. Knowing how soon she will be 15yrs old with a life too busy for times like this.

I'm certainly not discounting the feelings I would have had as a younger father, I just know that I have a better sense of time and it's significance.

I spend a lot of time on the floor with her. We wrestle around, we play with her stuffed animals, she grabs onto me and pulls herself into a standing position to have a face to face chat or a good look around. I surf the internet as she crawls around. Then when she gets tired, she crawls over and lays her head on my lap.

At 45 yrs old, you've been around long enough to know that there is nothing else in the world like that when it happens to you.