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TOPIC: New and expecting with a friend

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devilback03

New and expecting with a friend
4 Weeks ago

Here is the deal... I am single and newly expecting. Single is a strange term here because I wasn't dating when this miracle was given to me. I have a friend that happens to be a girl and obviously one thing led to another and now we are expecting. My question is.... What do I do now? Neither of us are upset about this but we aren't at all romantic and I'm not sure what I should be doing as a friend and future father??? Neither of us date but neither of us were looking to either. We were just friends but now we are much more. Any advice would be great.

I've looked at the book "What to expect when you're expecting for dads" but that focuses on married men in my opinion.

Thank you for reading.... Robert

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Daddy Clay

Re:New and expecting with a friend
3 Weeks, 6 Days ago

I wish I could tell you that there were more resources for guys in your position, but sadly there aren't many. There are some single dad bloggers out there, but most are single by divorce.

Obviously, marital status isn't what makes a guy a good or bad dad. I'm not sure we need any more evidence of that as a culture. One thing that is important to being a good dad is commitment and a willingness to put in the time. The fact that you showed up here is a really good sign that you want to make that commitment.

Another thing that I know for sure -- this baby is going to change your life, maybe even more than for a married guy that conceived intentionally. Get ready for that. Signal to the baby's mom that you want to be involved early on -- maybe by asking to attend doctor's visits, or by helping with putting together the nursery and gathering the gear the baby will need.

You might want to check out "The DadLabs Guide to Fatherhood." *Shameless plug* for info on the pregnancy, labor and delivery from a guy's POV. And you can heck out the site for practical stuff. Don't be shy about asking questions. Plenty of opinions around here.

Good luck and congrats!

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concretin_nik

Re:New and expecting with a friend
3 Weeks, 5 Days ago

I want to say "Yikes," but that's not at all about becoming a Dad. Being a father is AWESOME, no matter the method really. But definitely going to be a 'challenging' situation.

I wouldn't immediately discount the info you find that seems to target "married" or "divorced" Dads. You WILL be in a relationship with this woman. Sure, you'll likely have separate households, so you won't deal with some of the more traditional couples issues, like household chores and finances, but you both will have one primary focus... a lil' human that needs you. So take that info, extract the "geography" of it, and I'd bet some of it still applies to your situation.

You're going to have things to deal with that married dudes don't. What happens when you do start dating? When SHE starts dating? Dating someone with a kid can be a scary thing. Lots of emotional "baggage" (not meaning that to sound negative) for everyone involved.

It's good that you are friends, and it will be challenging to maintain it. Children are amazing creatures and will affect you in ways that no one can explain. I can't tell you what to prepare for, just be prepared for change.

I agree with Daddy Clay... Involvement in your child's life is the most important thing to being a good Dad. There's more to it than that, but start there. Don't hesitate to post up with any questions or experiences, or to join in any of our current conversations. It's DadLabs. Not HusbandLabs, or DivorcedDudeLabs.

Welcome. And CONGRATULATIONS!

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ben

Re:New and expecting with a friend
3 Weeks, 3 Days ago

I was going to write what Nik did. Really. He may have robbed my mind from 100 miles away!

What I'll add is that when you have a "serious relationship" (meaning more than "just friends") you are more likely to be tuned into the mom's emotions and tendencies BEFORE being pregnant. Even though all this goes out the door with pregnancy, it helps deal with the emotional baggage that comes with it. You have both sides of this coin. You can get away from it, but you can also do more damage to your long-term co-parent relationship if you dodge too much. I'd suggest being as open and honest as you can be early. Talk about expectations (you probably have 10% of what she does) and use that as a baseline. They will change through the process. Communication is going to be key, just as usual.

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