Hey, whats up? my name is andrew, im 23 years old and my girlfreind is 28 when she became pregnant we both thought that it wasnt really the right time but.. when is a good time you know? so we decidede that shes 28 years old we want to be togeather and that we would regret not haviung this child in the future so were going to do this. now here is where things start getting a little stressful, i talked to my dad about this and he was very supportive but it seem whenever my girlfreind does she is met with harsh criticsismand little support. how do i comfort her? and now that she is pregnant, should i propose? and how can i pull it off without it seeming forced? any kind of feed back would be awesome.....im freaking out, thanks

p.s. your video's are sick, its hard to find dad wisdom.

The kind of advice you are looking for is hard to give. Particularly to somebody I've just met (hi). But I'll going to give it a shot. Keep the salt grains near at hand. You'll need them.

My opinion: life is hard, parenting is really hard. Really rewarding. Really hard. It's all easier if you do it with a partner. So whether you get married or not, the first thing that you need to do is spend a little time talking about the commitment that the two of you are making to the child, and to each other as parents of that child. You need to be prepared to parent together, putting the interests of the kid first, regardless of what happens between you, for the rest of your lives.

Then take a look at the relationship. Making a big commitment to the child is easier if you are committed to each other. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to be married. Look at Sweden -- lots of couples with kids, not so many marriages. IMHO, having a legal contract is a good way of reminding yourselves of the commitment.

Planning a (shotgun) wedding while also dealing with pregnancy sounds really overwhelming to me, particular with a complicated family situation.

Ever heard of a "Push Present?" It's a gift, usually jewelry of some kind, given by a new dad to the new mom in the hospital just after mom has given birth -- a way of saying thanks for the amazing thing she has just done. Rings make nice push presents...

Hey Congrats!

If there was a fancy champagne sipping emoticon... it would go here.

I can tell you that my wife and I had a similar experience....

When we first decided to get married, everyone she knew was really positive and everyone that knew me was... well not acting favorably. (Mind you we got married with-in 9 months of meeting each other) My friends weren't supportive, my family was a little concerned (minus my mom, she came around quick once she knew my wife better) , overall there were very few people in my life who were just happy for me right off the bat. Not to mention that there was a baby involved at the time. It was really hard to deal with the negativity...

I will tell you that from the prospective of your girlfriend, it's probably harder for her to deal with than anyone. It's disappointing when all your loved ones come at your with judgement and fear... especially when you are genuinely happy. I think the best think to do is try and empathize with her, listen to her and give her a venue to vent and share. Don't try and fix her problems unless she asks you. It's just a matter of her doing what is right for her, everyone else will catch up with you guys.

Unfortunately my wife had a miscarriage even before we were able to get married. We knew we wanted to be with each other so we got married any how. By that time the family and my friends made a complete 180 and were really supportive. Not everyone will be, but you just have to accept it and do what is right for you two.

So here my wife and I are now pregnant again, entering her second trimester. Everyone is really supportive and already in Love with a baby that doesn't exist yet. Nothing brings people together like a baby!

As far as getting married goes... there is no magic answer to that. Everyone is different. If you Love her and you have no question you want to be with her for the rest of your life... then do it! Otherwise you have to remember that relationships between adults, and adults to children are different. Just because you are married doesn't make the baby more Loved.

Just talk with her, have an open and honest talk with her and see how you feel. My wife knew I wanted to marry her, it was still a surprise when I proposed to her in the park were we first kissed... Just do what is right for you and your baby. If you don't think a relationship with your gf will work out in the long run, then wait it out.

I wish you the best of luck brotha! Welcome!!

Damn. Daddy Clay you've got the right mindset!

Very good advice!

Great positive advice above. I hope I don't come off as too much of a prick, but I'll go on and chafe a lil' bit. If being pregnant wasn't "the right time," then you were doing it wrong. Birth control is NOT difficult at all. Everyone can spare me the flames, as I know condoms are not 100% effective, however, that's not the only BC method out there. (I know this, because I was with a woman for 9 years, 6 of those married, and got a divorce, without kids.) BUT, that's water under the bridge and it seems you have come to terms with that. And that's AWESOME. /off soapbox k-thnx

Personal reflection and commitment, as stated above, is key on all fronts. There's no turning back with the kiddo. Hopefully, there's no turning back with your partner either.

I for one don't believe 'marriage' is required. I could be committed to my wife forever, easily, without the lil' piece o' paper and without the ceremony. But I had done all that once before and realized it was for everyone else. She had not, so she needed that, as did her family. But I couldn't drag her to Vegas, and she couldn't drag me to a church... we settled on NZ. Get rings & wear 'em, if that outward show of commitment is important to you(and her). "Marriage" is about your relationship with her. Period. No matter what ANYONE else tells you.

I also personally believe 23 is kinda young to make that lifelong commitment. HOWEVER, that is for YOU to decide. (And I did get married at 21 the first time myself. I made that commitment, apparently she didn't.) But don't get married for others. Get married for YOU TWO. Talk with her. Find out how important that is to her. Be sure to comfort her when she's feelin' down about what others think, and remind her, "Those who matter, don't mind. Those who mind, don't matter."

But I'm with DaddyClay, planning a wedding with a hormone rollercoaster would not be a pleasant experience. Focus on the pregnancy, and the joyous wonder that is creating a life, and caring for that life 100% 24/7/365 forever. It IS a bit overwhelming, and a whole lot scary... but it's absolutely A M A Z I N G !

You're totally gonna dig bein' a Dad.