Hello everyone.

My name is David, I'm 26, and I just became a father this past Saturday (05/28/2011).

I'm doing okay with it, learning as I go, but one thing I can't shake is constant fear that something, ANYTHING could happen in the brief moments when I can't see/hear him. Xander is my world, and I can't even imagine my life without him. He's turned my world upside-down in the greatest way imaginable, and I constantly worry. If I'm not in the room with him (I.e., went outside to smoke), I have the parent unit of his baby monitor no more than 2 feet away from me at all times. At night, I can't get any sleep due to paranoia of SIDS, and paranoia that I won't wake up when he cries (biggest fear). I'm brand-new at this daddy thing, and I don't want to, pardon my french, fuck it up. My fiance assures me I'm doing fine, but I find myself being overly critical, thinking "did I do that right?" and so much more.

I know, that was a lot of spiel for an introductory post, but I had to get it all out in the open.

Sincerly,
David, the "Nervous New Daddy"

Hi David,

I'm a new Dad myself, our son was born 6 months ago and we are still learning the ropes.

I remember worrying about SIDS and sleep issues when our son was born. We decided to cosleep with him, and my big concern was that we were going to roll over on him.

One of the guys at work just had a baby about a week ago, and he told me that he doesn't sleep much at night... he spends all night by the crib, watching the baby to make sure she doesn't roll over on her stomach.

I'm not an expert, but I think if you follow the basic guidelines for preventing SIDS, you should be OK. One thing to remember is that babies can't roll over by themselves right away. Our son didn't roll over by himself until he was three months old, and didn't really do it on a regular basis until about five months old. And he only rolls over when he's awake. Whatever position we put him down to sleep in, is the position he keeps while he sleeps.

As far as not waking when your baby cries - man, I wish I could sleep through when the baby cries. There is something about the design of the baby's cry that wakes the parents, without fail. We have never slept through it. That is why my wife and I are still sleep deprived after six months. So, I think you will be OK on this front too.

Good luck, there are more experienced people on this forum who might have more to say than I do. And congratulations on the birth of your son.

Roger in Portland

Welcome and congrats! I'm a new dad too. My son is just now 19 months so I was in your shoes not too long ago. All your worries are completely normal and I bet you'll do just fine.

My biggest problem with not waking up when he cries is the volume on the monitor. It has to be loud enough for it to be effective. When it gets turned down all the way I can only hear it if I'm right next to it. Usually it's on my wifes side of the bed. Sometimes she wakes up first and nudges me before I even hear anything. Even so I don't think that I have slept or would sleep through it. So don't worry too much. Just turn the volume up a little and you'll be alright.

You could have just gone by the handle NewDaddy and we would have ASSUMED that you were nervous. It's part of the gig.

I think that 3 weeks in the NICU after the birth of my oldest at 31 weeks gestation taught me -- these little guys are hardier than we give them credit for. There is less "wrong" for us too do than we sometimes think. If you possibly can, try to keep the stakes low enough that they don't get in the way of the joy and the love. Your baby can sense that.

Enjoy the precious trying times, brother.

Hey everyone,

Thanks so much for your encouraging words. I'm slowly starting to get into the swing of things. I still worry from time to time, but it is getting better. I'm getting the hang of feeding schedules, and I'm learning how to time my sleep between his cries.

I do still from time to time have trouble getting to sleep, but I've found a great (and somewhat crazy-sounding) product that helps me get sleepy naturally. They're called Lazy Cakes, and bill themselves as "relaxation brownies" (lol I know, the references rang loud and clear in my head when I first found out about them). It sounds insane, but they really help. They have herbal (and no, not "that" kind of herbal) calming remedies in them. They have stuff like melatonin, valerian root, and other natural things like that. And because it's a natural sleep, there's no unnatural grogginess waking up from it. It allows my mind and body to relax. I tried them a week before he came (due to anxiety issues, and me worrying about whether or not I'd be a good father), and instead of it taking almost 2 hours for me to fall asleep, within 5 minutes of me laying down, I was out.

I'll still be checking in from time to time, but I'm finding I'm not as nervous as I could be. Thanks again, everyone!