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TOPIC: Mom Going Back to work HELP!

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romburgundy

Mom Going Back to work HELP!
1 Year, 5 Months ago

My wife will be back to work this Wednesday after her 1 year Maternity leave. This is the second time we go through this but this time its different.

Last time was with our first child and we had always planned on having a second but this time is her last time if all goes according to plan.

She is experiencing all kids of emotions that I can't catch up with. Her baby is now one and her big boy is only one year away from being in school. We even got a cat yesterday! (something that will remain her baby for the next ten or so years?)

She now feels like she's going to share the boys with the daycare "moms" as she puts it and the hours that she will see them are busy hours. Dinner, house cleaning & bath. Not to mention they are the kranky hours of a three year old's day. I get it. And feel bad for her. On the same note since I never stayed home with them for an extended period of time and went back to the work routine within three weeks of the boys' births I really don't get it emotionally.

I need your help stay at home dads and anyone who has gone through this in the past.

The year Maternity/Paternity leave here in Canada is a blessing since Mom or Dad get to be home for the first year with baby. On the other hand it's tough to go back and unfortunately staying home is not an option in the near future.

How can I make this easier on her,and the kids so they don't sense the strain during this transitional period?
HELP!
Rom

Last Edit: 2010/09/07 03:56 By romburgundy.

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Daddy Troy

Re:Mom Going Back to work HELP!
1 Year, 5 Months ago

Whether nature or nurture, it seems that my wife as a woman experienced putting the kids in daycare differently than I did.

given the thoughtfulness of your post, my guess is that my basic advice will no help a whole bunch, but I say cut out all the extraneous stuff that may be programmed into your lives. As you said, she only gets to spend the busy time with them. Try to make it so that the non busy time on the weekends is not full of other things.

Another idea, get a meal service so you two do not have to cook, at least a few times a week.

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ben

Re:Mom Going Back to work HELP!
1 Year, 5 Months ago

Well, I've got to say that I relish the chance to "ditch the boys". Taking my 2 year old to preschool two weeks ago provided a feeling of euphoria, even though I still had the baby in tow.

Of course, that's no help.

We have the same rush to do things when my wife gets home. She seems to mitigate that by having an early work schedule so she's home an hour before dinner. She spends time with the boys while I get dinner ready most days. She also does the whole bedtime routine with them, one at a a time. This seems to provide some of that intimate time she craves. Every six months or so, I get a guilt trip about not doing it. Then I take over a night or two and she bumps me out of the routine again. She loves it, no matter how much work she says it is.

I don't know what will work for you. I'd suspect more than just the end of maternity leave is coming into play. Going back to work is difficult, especially after a year. Adding the whole daycare drop-off drama could make for some strong emotions. Plus she's leaving two now.

I'd look for help with the drop off routine. Maybe she can spend an hour watching your kids interact with the staff to help alleviate her worries.

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sean

Re:Mom Going Back to work HELP!
1 Year, 4 Months ago

Daddy Troy got it right: Make sure the limited at home time really, truly is "quality time" for your wife.

Now that your wife will be bringing home a paycheck again, use some of that money to hire a cleaning service, order pre-cooked meals, go to restaurants, hire a lawn care service, whatever... Identify your wife's major time sinks and then throw money at them to make them go away.

Seriously, when two people are working full-time jobs in a household, there is no shame in paying someone else to do the menial stuff around the house in order to gain more quality time with your kids.

(There is, or should be, however, shame in paying someone to do menial tasks around the house so homeowners can watch more TV).

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romburgundy

Re:Mom Going Back to work HELP! 1 Year, 4 Months ago
well so far so good. Not a single meal at home yet this week and lots of play time with the kids. Mrs. Burgundy's still down and i lost composure a little yesterday and told her to get over it half jokingly but it was not one of my proudest moments.

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amperezrosales

Re:Mom Going Back to work HELP!
1 Year, 4 Months ago

Hi guys, as a mom who's worked I can identify with this lady's feelings so thought I'd join in. During the years I works, I wanted so badly to be home taking care of my boys. You've got some great advice already. I would add just try to be as understanding as possible. It is a difficult time for her. I waited 7 years to have my 3rd child so that I would be able to stay home indefinitely with him. As others have said, do what ever you can to take the load off of her so she can spend a couple of quality hours with the kids each day. And make sure to spend time together as a family each weekend. She will appreciate your help immensely.

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Daddy Clay

Re:Mom Going Back to work HELP! 1 Year, 4 Months ago
Good perspectives from @sean and @amperezrosales. Keep us updated. This is one of those things that will ebb and flow over time.

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romburgundy

Re:Mom Going Back to work HELP! 1 Year, 4 Months ago
We're two weeks in and have developed a certain level of normalcy. Mom's doing better and I am slowly getting accustomed to the morning routine. 2 words that made life more pleasant for all of us kids included. CROCK POT! Dinner's ready when you get home. You take the leftovers for lunch and Bob's your uncle!

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romburgundy

Re:Mom Going Back to work HELP!
1 Year, 4 Months ago

Another little update. The kids have both been sick with daycare noses and last night a phantom fever that finally subsided around 4am. So mom's been home for 2 days and would not take my offer to take a turn staying home. I guess I can understand she wants to make sure she looks after them herself.

Over all our organization that we had down last week fell apart and we have to regroup on the weekend and come up with a game plan for next week.

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amperezrosales

Re:Mom Going Back to work HELP! 1 Year, 4 Months ago
It will take time to find a routine that will work for your family. A new normal will come along eventually and it won't seem so bad. Hope the kiddies are feeling better!

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romburgundy

Re:Mom Going Back to work HELP! 1 Year, 4 Months ago
They are doing better thank you.

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romburgundy

Re:Mom Going Back to work HELP! 9 Months ago
It's only been seven months but we have made a big switch to our schedule like lots of Moms and Dads of little little ones we had to make a change. My wife felt like the kids' life was passing her by not to mention the $1800 in daycare fees every month. We changed our work schedules to minimize daycare and maximize our time with the Kids. Its day three and things are looking up.

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Daddy Clay

Re:Mom Going Back to work HELP! 9 Months ago
Maximizing time with the kids while their little is something that you will never regret. Worth the sacrifice. There's lots of time for work.

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