Nope. No strategy here, though I seriously need one before I lose my mind. I'm a a SAHD PLUS I work from home all day Saturday/Sunday. My wife works midnights, 7 days on/7 days off.

So, basically I have a 5 day stretch every other week when we are both off. The first day is usually a wash since the wife is catching up on sleep. 4 days left, there are all sorts of things to get done around the house, wife has stuff to do, etc., etc. Somehow a chunk of 'me time' never seems to get figured into the equation. Part of it is my fault since I do not manage my time or plan ahead very well. Part of it is my wife's fault since she does not realize that I NEED some time to myself, even if it is just being at home and NOT BEING BOTHERED BY ANYONE for a few hours.

Clearly, there needs to be some discussion at my house and I need to step up and plan my time more efficiently.

Here's an instant 'me-time' method that I've used a few times, to great success.

Step one - realize you will not get something for nothing. There's a little work involved in this method, but there's no rule that says you can't enjoy the work.


"Honey, I know you mentioned the other day about how the house needed a good cleaning. If you can take the munchkin out for the afternoon, I'll take care of it."

If your wife is like mine (female), she'll be shocked and impressed. Then remind her that you'll need about 4-5 hours ('oven cleaner fumes are bad for the baby').

Start getting things ready. Pull out the oven cleaner, vaccum, mop, rags, a tool kit, pull the garbage cans and recycling bins out into the open. As you're running around, keep asking your wife if she needs any help getting ready, (ask from a different area of the house each time - this prevents you getting tied up with larger tasks such as dressing the children).

By the time she leaves, you'll already have all the things you need out in the open, and she'll know you mean business.

By getting things ready in advance, you've bought yourself 1 of the 4-5 hours you negotiated for.

Make the cleaning fun. Grab a homebrew, crank up the stereo and clean whatever she will see first when she gets home (usually the vaccuming around the entrance). Do it with the same panic and fervor that you had when you were in high-school and threw a party that got out of control while your parents were away.

You should get it done in half the time.

Have another beer, watch your favorite show, or, in my case, play guitar as loudly as possible to an audience of stuffed animals

About an hour before she returns, put away the beer (this can't look like fun or part 2 won't work) get back to cleaning or whatever household project you can think of so you're not caught napping.

When she returns, she should be impressed. Now is the time to negotiate for a 'night-out with the boys', in exchange.

2-3 hours of real hard work now pays off in 2-3 hours of me-time, and a night out with the boys...

groovedaddy: sounds like an abuse to the system! but a very effective way to abuse it! She gets what she wants and you get what you want and she still has to take of the little ones for 4-6 hours.

Being a Part-time SAHD I have found it effective to get alot of cleaning done during the day while I am watching the baby. It doesn't take that long and when she comes home she see's all the work you've done and she takes the baby for the night and I'm able to escape to "the office" and be a geek/sports nut.

groovedaddy: sounds like an abuse to the system! but a very effective way to abuse it! She gets what she wants and you get what you want and she still has to take of the little ones for 4-6 hours.

Being a Part-time SAHD I have found it effective to get alot of cleaning done during the day while I am watching the baby. It doesn't take that long and when she comes home she see's all the work you've done and she takes the baby for the night and I'm able to escape to "the office" and be a geek/sports nut.

I run 3x a week, so I'm up between 4:30-5am. When I'm not running I'm up at 6. That's me time.
When the kids are in bed and the daily stuff is done myself and my wife have me time whether its together or her doing her thing and me doing mine. On the weekend one of us might say "I want to go do x for a couple hrs, that cool?" Usually it isn't an issue.
She has girls night out every now and then, I don't bother with that sort of thing because I'm up so early in the morning that late nights are just no good for me.
I think finding me time can be pretty easy to do but both of you have to be flexible.

@ Bobjr79

The Man Castle thread on ADVenturerider is likely my all time favorite internet thread EVER. You will get too many ideas from this thread.

The problem is you will need 8 hours of me time just to get thru the thread as it is now aboout 200 pages long!

Enjoy, and GodSpeed.

www.advrider.com/forums/showthread.php?t=212142

@DougJ I continue to be impressed by the dedication. 4:30?! For some reason I absolutely draw the line at 5. Anything before 5 seems like the night before. That's why I have to save longer runs for the weekends.

Keep it up.

Well, my two cents are so far past the other end of the spectrum from everyone else here.

I come from the belief that you'll have plenty of time for "me" time, when the kids are in school. To me, it's a little selfish to want time to yourself to just take a nap or do shopping, especially if it's just one child. I am a mother of four, and take full responsibility and own the fact that I chose to bring these children into the world and if I wanted alone time, then I should have thought more about not having any kids.

I realize that parents need to have occasional date nights, but for the sanctity and health of the marriage, I feel that is necessary, and for the parents to have some adult time.

I guess I just don't see the how/why a parent of just one or two children can't "cope" with being a parent 24/7 until their child is on some sort of school schedule. I just don't get it I suppose. Like I said earlier, my way of thinking is from the day of when moms stayed home with their babies until they went off to school, and if they chose to work, they would be home by the time school got out.

Seems like I'm probably in the minority these days with this way of thinking?

@Daddy Clay

Thanks! I work at 8 so if I want to get those 15-16k runs in I have to start at 5am. I tried to do long runs on the weekend but it seemed like it was easier for other things to get in the way.

@dougj I hear you. I do my longer runs on Sunday AM -- and I get to sleep in until 6 or 6:15! I still try to get home (with breakfast for everyone) by 9:30 or so. I generally take Saturday off, because that's our busiest sports day with the kids.

@bamalynn75 Supermom! On the one hand, I see some parents that seem to organize their lives to minimize time with their kids (parents swapping off times, hiring nannies and baby sitters), and I wonder what they were thinking having kids. They have more "me time" than time with the kids. On the other hand, I also feel that you are a better parent when you are adequately caring for your own well-being and for the well-being of your marriage. So, like you, I think date nights are important, finding time to exercise, read, or collect your thoughts are all important enough to sacrifice some time with the kids.

This was a great thread for me - I have been married less than a year (am coming up on my first anniversary in a couple weeks), and have a 7 year old daughter (wife's from previous) and now a newborn.
I moved to the area and moved in with my wife, and we are in an area I am not very familiar with (and really dislike), and the condo we live in is not optimal for a family. There is no private yard space and the 7 year old is used to just living with mommy so there's no real boundaries for when she can pop into the bathroom or otherwise giving me some privacy (even on the can!). We both want to move but both own houses and can't sell till housing prices go back up...
Furthermore, we both are self-employed and work out of the home, so we are both home all day - together. Sure, we love each other but nobody loves spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with anyone else.

I have tried to call "me time" before, but since I know nobody else in the area, "me time" has dwindled down to going out for a beer to watch a game (ANY GAME, PLEASE) once in a while.
The hard thing is that whenever I try to find a hobby to go do, my wife wants to come along - not to bust up my "me time", but she says she enjoys it too and "wishes that i'd include her in my hobbies". Golf, fishing, jogging, swimming, etc - she wants to do them all with me. She's not overbearing at all in other areas, but that is one that she doesn't seem to get, and that she gets all hurt of I press that I need my own personal time. That's why I have broken down to just finding a Friday's or something to have a few beers once every week or two, because that's about the only thing that she doesn't want to do!

anyone else have a wife that doesn't allow "me time" to outweigh "us time"?
Sounds like it, maybe I should start a community group in my town for just that...

Thanks for letting me vent!
JD