Thought I'd throw this topic out there and see what others have to say.

We've been told that when it comes to relationships; 'Don't sweat the small stuff, (and it's all small stuff)'.

So we let things go, reminding ourselves that both of us I are working as hard as we can, and the odd chore will be missed, but overall, we're blessed with healthy, happy kids.

Then our friends that that seemed to be the perfect couple, and never fought was having serious problems and the affair was apparently a result of them never fighting.

He didn't want to fight about the small stuff (He didn't want to fight over food left in the sink, she didn't want to nag about him working late), so just kept his mouth shut and apparently grew more distant bit by bit.

Anyone have thoughts on this? Any couples schedule a 'fight night' where they open up about the little stuff ("You spend too much time on the phone. Oh Yeah? Well you watch stupid tv shows!!") Or have other suggestions for a healthy amount of friction in the relationship?

Very interesting! Great topic!

Hmmm... Don't know that I could handle a "fight night." That doesn't seem like something relationship problem amateurs should try. Perhaps as "homework" from a relationship therapist, but on your own? Yikes!

There's a huge difference in not sweating the small stuff, and not communicating at all. Affairs don't come from ignoring dishes in the sink. Ever. No matter what anyone tells you.

We (as in my wife and I) practice that if something bothers you, say something! Don't necessarily expect it to change right away, or even at all, but she won't even attempt to fix it if I don't tell her it's broken, nor will I.

But tact, respect, and common sense MUST be applied at all times. "Nagging" about dishes or working late or whatever item doesn't have to be, nor should it be a big deal. It's HOW you handle the situation.

Example: I didn't bitch about half full pop cans on the shelf to go downstairs when she had a rough day at work. In fact, I didn't 'bitch' about it at all. One day, when emptying several cans in the bathroom sink before I attempted carrying them down the stairs, I simply asked (stated), "New rule please! No pop IN the cans on the shelf, cool?" I didn't get a stink-eye or anything... I got, "I'll try, but that goes for you too." "Yup, I know." (Because I had been guilty of it too.) That gave her a bit of defense, and guess what, the cans that are moved to the 'downstairs shelf' have been empty 98% of the time now. I guess you could call it, "Don't poke the bear" relationship philosophy. (We say this to each other whenever we're feeling grumpy and generally not in a good mood.)

Ya simply can't "blow up" about little shit that's bothering you. If you decide just to ignore it, then LIVE WITH THAT DECISION, and IGNORE IT! My wife is NEVER going to put the toilet paper on the holder in the right direction. Ever. It doesn't matter to her, at all. I simply fix it. Every time. Not a battle I'm ever gonna have. It's way too easy to fix it and let it go. Sure, I'll joke about it, half-hoping that someday, maybe, it'll matter. But seriously, it's not a "relationship irritant." So if something I'm doing is making my wife unhappy, and she doesn't tell me? That's on her. And she knows this. I've said those words to her. Communication.

My disclaimer: No, my wife and I really don't "fight." I don't know if it's because we met when we were older and more civil or what. But we ABSOLUTELY communicate. I do know that comes from my personal demand of it (especially OF MYSELF), because I got blindsided with a divorce at 27 coupled with the admission of 2 affairs (one ongoing at the time). I was happily married. She apparently was not. I'm not going through that again.

I just don't see relationships nearly as difficult as many make them out to be. Be civil, courteous, and respectful, but use your words. And use them often. Remember you love(d) that person. Don't be hateful to those you love. Period.