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TOPIC: Are Good Dads Bad For Moms' Self Esteem?

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Daddy Clay

Are Good Dads Bad For Moms' Self Esteem?
1 Year, 10 Months ago

A recent study out of our very own University of Texas found something that might be a little upsetting for the involved dads that frequent this site: we may be bumming our spouses out. The study, co-authored by Dr. Nancy Hazen-Swann, is entitled "The Supermom Trap" and suggests that dads helping out with the baby may cause moms to feel inadequate as a result of their participation. Women feel the urge to do it all and active dads are moving in on their turf.

So should we do less, to help our wives feel better about themselves?

What are your thoughts?

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bobjr79

Re:Are Good Dads Bad For Moms' Self Esteem?
1 Year, 10 Months ago

I know that the amount of time I spent taking care of our son bothered my wife in the early days of her PPD. I had to make sure I didn't just "git'r done" when it came to feeding and diaper changing so that she had a chance to be more involved. Now that she works 9-5 she wishes that she had my night shift schedule so she could be the daytime caregiver. From that experience I can see how hands on dads can take away from the moms whole self actualization thing and affecting their self esteem.

So if it would make my wife feel better about herself, "Sure go ahead take this dirty diaper and he probably needs a bath later too."

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ben

Re:Are Good Dads Bad For Moms' Self Esteem?
1 Year, 10 Months ago

They seem to be trying to link this trend of self-confidence to active fathers. It's a very narrow sample group. I'd think a single television show or news story could skew their results easily.

But I think the biggest indicator of how people are going to react to either parent doing more or less is the environment (culture, family, economic situation) than on whether they're a man or woman.

My wife doesn't spend as much time with the kids as I do. There have been times that I think she's resented the situation but as our situation my tie with the boys improves, her reaction to in particular improves greatly.

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teacherdad

Re:Are Good Dads Bad For Moms' Self Esteem?
1 Year, 10 Months ago

I don't think it's necessarily that it really hurts their self-esteem in the long run as much as it bothers them, temporarily, on a case-by-case basis. On Tuesday my daughter got her 6-week shots, and was pretty upset the rest of the day. My wife also got her 6-week check-up that day, and while she was in with her doctor, I was out in the waiting room with the baby, who was fussing and crying. Through trial and error I figured out a way to lull her to sleep. Later in the evening she started crying again, and my wife couldn't get her quieted down, so I picked her up and got her to fall asleep just as I had done before. My wife got depressed and angry at me, just for a little while, because I was able to do something that she couldn't do. Later on, however, she thanked me and commented on how nice it is to have someone who actually tries to help out.

In the long run I think that our wives will appreciate all of the work we do and all of the help we give them, even if it occassionally bothers them now.

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Electriclime

Re:Are Good Dads Bad For Moms' Self Esteem? 1 Year, 7 Months ago
I reserve time and activities for my wife to do with our daughter without letting her know that I do it, such as being conveniently busy during reading time, etc. This lets her get some important bonding time so she can make an impact on our daughter's life and also not feel like she is 'missing out' or not being a good mother, etc.