My wife and I are "enjoying" our first real summer with our daughter who will turn 14 months in a few weeks. I am saying our first summer since our daughter was born in June 2012 and - let's face it - we wouldn't be doing much for the next three months.
I am a pretty sociable and laid back person; I like to grab dinner and drinks with friends, going golfing, and I don't stress about mixing some of those activities with our daughter when it isn't too significantly against her meal and sleeping schedule (sans golfing). My wife on the other hand doesn't have many hobbies and can become very stressed out the second we start to border on nap/meal/sleep times and her attitude can become very negative toward those in her vicinity. We have little-to-no issues taking our daughter out for brunch or lunch, but rarely do anything around dinner time since our daughter generally goes to bed around 6:30pm.
Recently, my wife has started to mention that she's disappointed that we've done very little this summer. She's mentioned that she's wanted to go do something just the three of us like go to the aquarium, a nearby farm, or out of town for a few nights. Too be honest, I don't really want to do these things for a few reasons:

1. We actually did go out of town to a very nice area about two months ago and just as I predicted my wife would start to get cranky when our daughter would get cranky. Not to mention, I'd rather not spend the $250 a night for a hotel room when I am in it by 8:00pm for the rest of the night.
2. My daughter is almost 14 months; I love her and I love doing things with her. But she also has an attention span of a gnat and her favorite past time is chewing on a remote control.
3. Doing stuff with our daughter is nothing like it was before her. Again, I love her so much, but going to the beach is more of a constant chore than relaxing: don't eat this, apply sunscreen to that, etc.

Please note, my wife and I have been fortunate enough to go on two Vegas trips and a few overnighters - without our daughter - thanks to our parents' being in the area and being kind enough to watch her.

I don't have a lot of friends with children at my daughter's age so I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I might be wrong saying this, but I figure that my wife and I should be very thankful that we have been able to go out and have dinners just the two of us, go on weekend trips with and without our daughter, and do other things within the first year of being parents. I should probably mention that my wife is in no way comfortable with babysitters yet - she's started to open up to the idea of someone watching her as long as she has strong references from people we know.

So, the purpose of me writing all of this is to not only vent just a little bit, but to see if anyone else is in the same boat. Have you guys gone on a lot of trips to the zoo or aquarium when your kid was only 12 to 14 months? Is it common for parents to travel overnight with their kids to destinations (i.e. not for visiting family, etc.)? Is my wife and I ahead of the curve, is this pretty average, or are we actually way behind?

Thanks! Sorry for the long babble. I like to be concise.

At our 12 week ultrasound, I heard my son's heartbeat for the first time. I said, "That sounds like a washing machine." And the tech said, "No, that is the sound of your life changing."

Heh, how true.

We have traveled quite a bit with our son. When he was three months old, we took him on a weeklong trip with us to Hawaii. Earlier this year, we spent a week wilderness camping in California with him in tow. (I have yet to write that up on the forums here; I will get around to it). He's been on numerous other camping trips with us here in the Pacific NW. He even had a canoe ride across Lake Crescent before he was old enough to sit up.

All of these trips were very different with our son in tow! All of them were more difficult to pull off than if we didn't have an infant/toddler with us. It took more planning, more packing, was more tiring, and had a different pace and structure than if we'd gone before he was born.

Our son was colicky for the first four months of his life, and I have a humorous/dreadful memory of him having a meltdown in the parking lot in Hawaii on our way back from the beach. He wouldn't stop crying for anything and my wife, already sleep deprived, couldn't take any more, so I stood there by myself for over a half hour, holding an angry, crying little baby outside our rental van in the middle of a busy parking lot. I couldn't even close the rear gate of the minivan because I didn't have my hands free. It was quite a scene. Two guys actually popped out of nowhere and literally offered to pray for me and my son. I said thank you, but I'll be OK. (I still think that was a setup to get me to close my eyes so they could ripoff our luggage).

Being in the hotel by 8pm sounds like par for the course. I just accept it as part of our new life as a family. I'm OK with it. We do things differently now. But then again, I was never really a night owl; my wife and I are early risers and outdoorsy people - a lot of our trips together when we were dating were wilderness adventures where we'd get up before sunrise to strap on our backpacks and go hiking. We're not Vegas type of people. So I can see how you'd regret the loss of nightlife, if that's what you like best.

Much like the ultrasound tech said, with the sound of that heartbeat our lives have changed and I don't think they're going back. I think you don't stop travelling or taking trips, you just change the way you do it. We take day trips around town all the time. The more you do it, the better your little one will handle it; you just have to be ready for a few rough patches during the transition time.

And if you've got relatives to watch your kids for the occasional trip out alone, that's great - cherish those times. We still don't have a regular babysitter and our son is nearly two. Whenever we get a night off to ourselves, it's a real treat and we make the most of it.

Yea, everything just takes longer. And of course you have to make everything fit to naps/feedings/bedtime/etc. It's a challenge but it's not horribly difficult. We didn't do it often, 1 because we didn't go out a LOT before, and 2, it's just easier if ya don't. Yes, our one beach outing was an experience, more for us than him. It was indeed a chore. He was 15 months old.

If you feel you need to get out, then by all means get out. But no matter what, spend as much time with that baby/toddler as you can, because it REALLY does go by fast. As they get older, getting out with and without them gets MUCH easier, but challenges still exist, they just change. I have to deal with potty stops/accidents, but the "just in case bag" (he won't let us call it a diaper bag anymore) is much smaller and is all I have to have. Getting out of the house is much quicker. But it's still 10 minutes longer than I ever want it to be, but I KNOW this now, and "plan" to leave 10 minutes before "I" would have a meltdown.

What you are experiencing, I think, is very normal. But I've only been at this a few years myself.

Oh, and we DID go to the zoo when he was 'itty bitty.' But yea, it was more for us to just get out and go to the zoo. I STILL have a hard time getting him interested in the animals and he's 4 now. He likes the playground and I think talking about the trip more. When he tells people about his zoo trips, he sounds MUCH more excited than he ever seemed the whole time we were there.

I've/we've actually gotten pretty good at leaving the house with our little one. Just today my daughter and I went out and grabbed lunch with an ex-coworker and had the bag organized and packed and we left on time. And yes, doing some things takes extra effort like going to the beach or just heading over to a friends' house. But that is expected.
The reason why I started this thread was that I feel that my wife and I actually do a decent amount of activities within our lifestyle. For starters, my wife is a bit of a girlie-girl; she'd take the spa or beach over going skiing. This summer we have been kind of busy during the weekends; we've had parties to attend (like graduation celebrations, not keggers) and lots of yard work to do. I'm an avid golfer; if we don't have any weekend plans I might make plans to golf in the morning so we can have lunch together and/or give my wife the second half of the day to do something.
Recently my family reunion was booked and she complained that we never have time to do anything like take our daughter to the zoo, which I don't really think our daughter would appreciate just yet, but that is here nor there. She gives off an attitude like all we do is stay at home and watch tv all weekend. But fact is we still go out to lunch every weekend with out daughter and we'll walk around afterwards, I've never once said that she can't do anything on her own - I've encouraged her to do so and even said I would pay for it. As mentioned, we have done stay over trips three times without our daughter and one a multiple night with our daughter, and we've gone out for dinner just the two of us. We don't do dinners with our daughter because my wife stresses out the second our daughter gets cranky - resulting in me have dinner with two cranky people.
Please note, I spend a decent amount of time with my daughter; I work from home every Friday and see her all weekend unless I'm golfing, which I do maybe once or twice a month on the weekends.
This is starting to sound like a ranting about my wife, which it wasn't suppose to be. I bring some of this up because I feel like my wife and I do a decent amount of things and that her expectations are too high. Financially, we do decently for ourselves and we can afford a trip if we want, but I feel like the money that we spend doesn't justify the trip with our daughter.
Are my expectations too low? At 14 months are you guys doing a ton of trips? Are you guys (dads) doing stuff on your own and is your wife doing the same?

BadAssDad,

It sounds like you guys are doing a great job readjusting to life with a baby and keeping some balance in your lives. Getting out of town twice in the first year and managing to eat out together is great and probably above average. More and more often, couples don't have grandparents or relatives able to take overnight care of kids -- so that really is a luxury these days.

As far as going out to eat with the baby, I have bad news. The first year is the easiest time to go out to eat with kids. It only gets harder until they are around 7. I don't think you should just give up entirely. A little practice might actually help everybody relax a little. Pick a family place where there will be other kids. Request to sit near other families. Makes it easier.

I think we did do some travel with the kids in the first year. I remember we took our middle daughter on a one week cruise when she was only a couple months old -- being on the boat cured her colic. The boat departed from Galveston, TX -- just a 3 hr drive for us. We didn't do many excursions, but it was still fun and exotic and felt like a real vacation. We all had a great time. With the others, we traveled during the summer to see my wife's family even when they were babies, though we didn't stay as long as we do now that they are older. And we quit traveling east during the winter because everybody got sick.

One other note -- I quit playing golf when I had kids. And most other exercise and hobbies. Didn't really take it back up for ten years. There may be times when some sacrifice is required. Hopefully you'll be able to balance it all.

Personal space, time off, alone time... all of that changes with kids. Much more dramatically than I thought it would.

It's worth talking about with your spouse. Maybe you can get 2 hours at the driving range, one weeknight, and in exchange she'll get two hours at the mall, some other weeknight.

Daddy Clay gave up golf. In my case it was video games. I used to play about 10 hours a week, to unwind, and as a hobby. Now I play about 2 hours a month. But I wouldn't want to give up time with my son just to get more time on the XBOX.

Things do change, and they don't go back to the way they once were.

I'll also pass on a little bit of wisdom I got from a friend... someone older and wiser than me. She said, beware that you don't get into a competitive situation with your wife, where you keep track of each other's alone time and gripe if you think the other person is getting more hours than you. Instead, let it be a mutually supportive thing, where if you see your wife struggling and tired, take the little guy for an hour's walk... and if you feel burned out and can't take any more, ask for a little bit of time in the other room (or at Starbucks, wherever).