I think all of these answers are great. I can call him and talk. Beyond that, though, I don't see things changing much. I feel like after our son's arrival, it'll be pretty much the same. Phone calls, but no visits. I kind of draw from my wedding as the crystal ball here. He showed up AFTER the ceremony, missing the wedding completely. He was drunk, and came to the back of the chapel where the wedding party gathered. I told him to go to the reception hall. He went, using that as a tool to try to get my sister to ask my mom some questions and also to try to get her to talk to him. He left the reception about five minutes after my wife and I got there and dinner had started. He missed out on one of the most important days of my life, and I just think things will stay the same. Am I hurt? Yes, but it's been years since I've really thought about all of this. I'm in a good place to move on with my emotions, but I can give him the opportunity to be in my son's life. Once he chooses (and I think the answer will come fairly soon) then I can know I've done my part.

...now I know why my male friendships have been so important to me, especially in college and in my adult life.

You may love him or hate him, but the truth is you only get one in life and life is too short to harbor grudges.

As many people have mentioned I think you should at least give your dad a chance. If it turns out to be just phone calls and no visits and he stops caring then it is his fault that things went bad and you can say you gave it a chance. When it is all said and done there may be hurt feelings on your part for at least not trying to make your dad a part of your son's life.<br><br>I was lucky as I got older with the relationship with my dad. I would say my dad and I have a good relationship. My dad and my brother also have a good relationship, which is good. It actually didn't necessarily start out that way. Up until 7th grade or so I would say it was hard to get him to events that we were in. He was a welder and in charge of his own shop so he spent a lot of time with that. Then his dad died and it kind of flicked a switch and he tried to do everything to be part of our life. He still worked hard at what he did, but he gave more time to get to what we were doing. It was actually really nice.<br><br>I would just give him a chance so you don't regret it later. He may not have the best relationship with you, but at least give him a chance and if he screws up he screws up, but he had a chance.

I had one of those absentee dads most of the time when I was growing up. He'd show up for awhile, grow weary of the responsibilities and grind of family life, and hit the bricks again for months at a time, leaving Mom holding the bag. So ours has always been a distant and mostly uncomfortable relationship.<br><br>Dad came for a visit a couple of years after my wife & I were married and we were happy to have had time to prep a guest room all nice for him. But I had a nasty respiratory infection the week he came, so I was not up for a lot of getting up & out of the house. Dad got restless (and maybe a little ticked off) and headed out the door for a newspaper. I haven't seen or spoken to him since - about 10 years.<br><br>Last year was a biggie with adopting our son and Mom passing away just a couple of weeks later. This is heady stuff that makes you turn to all sorts of family thoughts, childhood memories, long-gone relatives, and your own longevity. All of this weighed on me very heavily for months.<br><br>A few weeks ago, I finally summoned up the gumption to call Dad. He has, after all, never even seen or spoken to his (only) new grandson. It was a tense 20-30 minutes, but in the days afterwards, I've felt much more at ease. I thought I had made the call for his sake, but now I'm not so sure - I've come to realize that maybe I had selfish motivations. The time for Dad to be of much direct value to me has passed and he'll never figure largely in my son's life either but at least now, when Dad passes away, I'll know that made an effort and maybe I can dodge some of the things not said regrets that Mom's sudden passing left behind. So, I suppose my point is to do what you can, not for your father's sake, but for your own peace of mind.

Here's a good book that recommends a ton of books and breaks it down by age group. It also goes over the importance of reading to you children

Read-Aloud-Handbook by Jim TreleaseRead-Aloud-Handbook-Sixth-Jim-Trelease