My relationship with my Dad is ok I guess. There is definitely some unresolved negative feelings between us I think, and I'm dealing with some severe bitterness about the things I would like to do differently in raising a child than my Father. The hardest thing for me when it comes to this has been my decision to separate my feelings about my Dad from the joy I see in him about being a Papa. There is a lot of avoidance on both our parts. I don't call him, and he doesn't call me. But things are civil enough when we get together at family functions, and that appears to be where are relationship will stay for the time being.<br><br>My Dad is excited to be a Grandfather, and no matter what I am feeling about his and my relationship, it has nothing to do with the opportunity my future child should have to know him. If it's something my kid enjoys I will never have a problem taking the ride to visit Papa. I have a lot a great memories of my Grandpa growing up. And I know now that it was during a time of similar uneasiness between my Dad and my Grandpa. Knowing that has made it easier for me to look past some of my feelings.<br><br>I don't presume to think that you and your father could become closer through his relationship with your son (congratulations by the way), but I have noticed that the few times my Dad and I talk on the phone, we do have great conversations about how the ultrasounds are going, and how my wife is feeling, and progressing. It's like a new dynamic of our father/son relationship that I never really saw coming. As we get closer to the due date here I'm becoming more willing to accept the fact that maybe my Dad and I have just reached a new area where there is no going back to resolve anything, there is just a mutual truce I guess, and it's centered around providing the healthiest family environment for the child. Which is the most important goal here. Maybe that's good enough for now. We'll see I guess, but like you, I will do what's best for my kid(s). No matter how uncomfortable I may be, if it benefits him/her, I'm in.<br><br>I wish you the best of luck, and congratulations again!

Oh, wow. Can of worms, meet can opener...<br><br>I detest the way my father chose to parent. He only once, to my recollection, bothered to try to be a real parent - Prom Night. He gave me the old be home by 11 routine. I think that was the day that clinched my just-short-of-hatred for him.<br><br>The good news for me is that he didn't have to be my parent - his parents took on that responsibilty. I regard my grandfather as possibly the biggest hero of my life.<br><br>But, that does not exclude my relationship with my actual father from being examined. I live just north of DC and my father lives 15 hours away in central Florida. He's lived there for at least five years and I have not made any effort to visit. He has come up here, and when he does it's awkward and not pleasant for anyone, so he goes out to visit other folks - mostly family, but not me. When he was here at Thanksgiving he chose to stay at our house. At first it was planned for five days. Then four. That became three. In the end, they stayed at our house for 36 hours, and most of that was sleeping or dinner at my aunt's house. He made his choice.<br><br>I think that the key for my peace of mind is that I let him make that choice. I am very good at forgiving and forgetting (actually, I've blocked out the first eleven years of my life) but I figured that I should see how his dynamic would change when I had a daughter. So far all I have seen is one trip forced by his wife (step-mom), one paid for by my grandfather, and the thanksgiving trip referenced above. He's made his choice, and that's fine.

Thinking it's a matter of reflection that comes at old age. Sometimes crummy dads turn old and feel like they're missing out on something because of their own crumminess. So without trying to acknowledge it, they want to make up for lost time by being a little better with the grandkids. Maybe when he was a new dad, he didn't have the resources we do and the circumstances which he was under were not conducive to perpetual awesomedadness. It doesn't really make up for lost time but in the grand scheme of things, having a little family quality time under those conditions are better than not having them at all. You're dad is older and although I don't want to make up any excuses for him, he may not be around long enough for you two to hash things out. Time is now and you should take advantage of it.

I think all of these answers are great. I can call him and talk. Beyond that, though, I don't see things changing much. I feel like after our son's arrival, it'll be pretty much the same. Phone calls, but no visits. I kind of draw from my wedding as the crystal ball here. He showed up AFTER the ceremony, missing the wedding completely. He was drunk, and came to the back of the chapel where the wedding party gathered. I told him to go to the reception hall. He went, using that as a tool to try to get my sister to ask my mom some questions and also to try to get her to talk to him. He left the reception about five minutes after my wife and I got there and dinner had started. He missed out on one of the most important days of my life, and I just think things will stay the same. Am I hurt? Yes, but it's been years since I've really thought about all of this. I'm in a good place to move on with my emotions, but I can give him the opportunity to be in my son's life. Once he chooses (and I think the answer will come fairly soon) then I can know I've done my part.

...now I know why my male friendships have been so important to me, especially in college and in my adult life.

You may love him or hate him, but the truth is you only get one in life and life is too short to harbor grudges.

As many people have mentioned I think you should at least give your dad a chance. If it turns out to be just phone calls and no visits and he stops caring then it is his fault that things went bad and you can say you gave it a chance. When it is all said and done there may be hurt feelings on your part for at least not trying to make your dad a part of your son's life.<br><br>I was lucky as I got older with the relationship with my dad. I would say my dad and I have a good relationship. My dad and my brother also have a good relationship, which is good. It actually didn't necessarily start out that way. Up until 7th grade or so I would say it was hard to get him to events that we were in. He was a welder and in charge of his own shop so he spent a lot of time with that. Then his dad died and it kind of flicked a switch and he tried to do everything to be part of our life. He still worked hard at what he did, but he gave more time to get to what we were doing. It was actually really nice.<br><br>I would just give him a chance so you don't regret it later. He may not have the best relationship with you, but at least give him a chance and if he screws up he screws up, but he had a chance.

I had one of those absentee dads most of the time when I was growing up. He'd show up for awhile, grow weary of the responsibilities and grind of family life, and hit the bricks again for months at a time, leaving Mom holding the bag. So ours has always been a distant and mostly uncomfortable relationship.<br><br>Dad came for a visit a couple of years after my wife & I were married and we were happy to have had time to prep a guest room all nice for him. But I had a nasty respiratory infection the week he came, so I was not up for a lot of getting up & out of the house. Dad got restless (and maybe a little ticked off) and headed out the door for a newspaper. I haven't seen or spoken to him since - about 10 years.<br><br>Last year was a biggie with adopting our son and Mom passing away just a couple of weeks later. This is heady stuff that makes you turn to all sorts of family thoughts, childhood memories, long-gone relatives, and your own longevity. All of this weighed on me very heavily for months.<br><br>A few weeks ago, I finally summoned up the gumption to call Dad. He has, after all, never even seen or spoken to his (only) new grandson. It was a tense 20-30 minutes, but in the days afterwards, I've felt much more at ease. I thought I had made the call for his sake, but now I'm not so sure - I've come to realize that maybe I had selfish motivations. The time for Dad to be of much direct value to me has passed and he'll never figure largely in my son's life either but at least now, when Dad passes away, I'll know that made an effort and maybe I can dodge some of the things not said regrets that Mom's sudden passing left behind. So, I suppose my point is to do what you can, not for your father's sake, but for your own peace of mind.

Here's a good book that recommends a ton of books and breaks it down by age group. It also goes over the importance of reading to you children

Read-Aloud-Handbook by Jim TreleaseRead-Aloud-Handbook-Sixth-Jim-Trelease

Here is a great list of recommended children's books from Publisher's Weekly. You could do all your birthday and Christmas shopping just with this list and Amazon -- be done in about an hour.

I've got to get my wife to join this site again, she could give so many good recommendations. We are very avid about reading to our children. We have read to our son since the day he was born, and even to our newborn daughter. I know that one brand of books my wife is crazy is about are the Barefoot Books. They are very colorful, but what makes them so special is that they teach about diversity. They speak of different cultures, places, the planet, and learning about oneself. The colors and designs within the pages are breathtaking. I highly recommend the Barefoot brand books.