So I'm not a dad...yet. But, my wife and I are talking about it. We got into a fight last night because I wanted to talk more strategically and I was concerned about her issues were more focused on topics like, "when is her mom was going to come help us when the baby is born"...mind you we aren't pregnant yet. I have real heartburn about trying to reassure concerns such as these. Not that they are not worthy of concern, but just the timing. Should I let it go? Should I try to address these concerns? How? What are "common" discussions that occur pre-conception about what life will or is going to be like?

I'd be looking at some more general things, to be sure.

1) Financial
Make sure you know what kind of leave you each would have available from work. FMLA doesn't require that you be paid for leave.
Make sure you know how your insurance will handle an addition.
Go through your essentials, vehicles and housing, and decide if they are "family-ready". You may need to replace a vehicle that doesn't have back doors or need to move to a larger house or apartment.

2) Health
Are you both physically ready for this? The mother's health factors huge in the ease of pregnancy and health of the baby.
Are there family trends that you should know about beforehand more to be prepared for news or to look for signs than because you may have to make some decision or give birth to Superman.

3) Mental Health
Are you both ready to change your lives completely? The impact cannot be overstated. I think that if you haven't taken time to be a couple and do some traveling and indulging, you need to do that to remove major possible regrets (there will always be some) and be in a position where you are absolutely ready for what's next.
Are your friends and family ready for this? They won't be impacted as much, but some friends and family act erratically when told that a couple close to them is having a first baby.

4) Are your expectations voiced, understood and in dialog. Note, you don't have to agree.
Does one expect to be staying home while the other expects the opposite? Is there a hidden dream involved in this baby? I've seen a lot of relationships blow up in the process of deciding the kid factors and it's usually because someone didn't want to hurt feelings or didn't give their own emotions value. Talking about the mundane details like potential babysitters, religion/baptism, family holidays, and where the kids will sleep seem to open up deeper topics. As long as you are willing to dig into the areas of conflict to explore and not convert, you can iron out a lot of problem areas early.

When we got married, we decided that we would give ourselves one year to be a married couple. Then we could go for the homerun if we both felt ready. In that year of coupledom, we both got working on our own physical and mental wellbeing. I wouldn't trade that year for the world.

Good points. Thanks.

You'd be amazed how significant dealing with grandmothers will become in your life. It may seem like a misplaced or premature concern, but it's a foreshadow of what is to come. Your mother in law will be VERY important to your wife in this phase of her life, and you will want to be aware of that and negotiate the participation of both grandmothers carefully and thoughtfully.

How the grandparents will participate in the lives of the kids is an important strategic issue. So you may want to use her specific concerns to open up a conversation the is about philosophy: How much will the grandparents be around? How to we keep things equitable and healthy?

Her concerns may be specific and seem to miss the big picture, but there are big questions underneath that are sometimes best approached by starting with the little things.

Keep in mind that there will never be a time in your life when you and your wife realize that you have far too much cash and free time and decide that it's a good time to have kids.

Instead of trying to decide when the time is right to have kids, consider thinking about when you want to start enjoying your retirement and work backwards from there. (Or when you'll still be young enough to play ball, fly a kite, ride a horse, etc.)

Seanonymous makes a great point. So does Ben.

I think it is good to be married for a little while. Get some of that couple's wanderlust out of your system. Maybe do some international travel. Go on some weekend trips to a Bed & Breakfast. Fix up the house together. And have as much as sex as you can now. Try to have to so much sex that you start to get tired of it. That will make the subsequent transition much easier.

After you have done all of the above, then realize that there will NEVER be a "perfect" time to have kids. And that you most likely will NOT have a bunch more cash, free time or square footage if you just wait a couple more years.

My biggest advice to someone who is thinking about having kids is to take the phrase "it will totally change your life" and think about this in terms of job and money as opposed to the usual emotional angle.

If I had it to do all over again I would totally restructure my job, my house note, time off from work before I had a kid or along with having a kid. If you are not able to do this things, and just expect to insert a kid into how you live now, it won't work. Not that you are doing that, but it is kind of what I did. And it does not work.

We are in a constant struggle to find more time with our kids and to afford our kids and lifestyle. If I could do one thing in my life that would create a more healthy world it would be to eliminate that factor.

Biggest piece of advice - try to make it so one parent is part time or better yet no time. I may sound old school, but one parent at home really makes a difference.