Well, I don't even really know where to start. Long, long story short my wife had a miscarriage. It turned out to be a blighted ovum and she had to have a D&C a couple days ago.By the estimates we were given she was at least 8 weeks along.

The D&C really did a number on my wife physically. We spent most of the day today in the emergency room. They ruled out all the major complications so that's good. We just don't have any real answers yet as to why it's beat her up so badly. They sent her home with different pain meds which for now seem to be working. I just hope that we are at least on the mend from all of this.

It's a little weird to me that we became so emotionally attached so quickly. We both feel crushed by all of this.

Have any of you guys had to go through this with your wives? Any tips on how to work through it?

No real advice to offer. Just my condolences. I can only imagine what you're going through, and honestly, would rather not even imagine it.

Good luck and peace to you and yours.

Sincere condolences.

As a couple that struggled with infertility and also a miscarriage, all I can offer is really talk to and listen to one another.

I know it sounds trite, but it's so important. I just remember that the emotions were so confusing, conflicting and painful. Don't ignore any of what you or your wife are feeling and work through it together as best you're able.

Good Luck.

Really sorry to hear you guys are going through this.

I'm not sure if reading about another person's experience would be helpful, but I found Elizabeth McCracken's book "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination" to be pretty incredible (on sale for less than $5). It's tough stuff and honest. Not sure if it will bring comfort, but she does an amazing job at putting her experience and feelings into words.

Thanks guys. My wife is doing much better physically but I think emotionally it's gonna be awhile.

The talking is the hardest part for me. I'm just not that much of a talker. Just posting here at DL is a departure from the norm for me. I usually end up finding projects to do that keep my mind off of things. I've gotten our 100 GB cluster of digital photos and videos organized and backed up in three places. So that's good I guess. Maybe my next project should be the Fat Free Fall... But really, I am trying to talk more and work through it with her. I think I'll check out that book Clay. It might help me understand things from her point of view. I'm also worried that she could have another bout with PPD if we struggle with this too long. I didn't think it would be possible but her Doc said it could happen. At least now we know what to look for and what worked to get her better.

I sincerely hope things are going better around your household.

These are the challenging times you hope don't come around too often. But when they do, you let her know you are there for her in whatever way she needs from you. As a project guy, you can appreciate the fact that relationships are just like any olther moving mechanism in the fact that they need maintenance, and she is your project right now. Don't be afraid to ask her what you can do to help.

Our first pregnancy turned out to be ectopic (outside the uteris) and of course had to be terminated.

My wife mentioned later how the little things really helped her, like an extra squeeze of her hand as I passed by, or a little bit longer hug, all those little things that of course reassured her how strong our relationship is no matter what.


Then we got pregnant again and had the best pregnancy and a quick delivery and have an incredibly wonderful healthy amazing little girl that we cannot imagine being without. Or first pregnancy was not meant to be, but of course, this one most certainly was.

I wish you both all the best in getting thru this time in your lives.

Thanks T.Low. Things have settled down some. I wouldn't say I'm "over" it because I don't think we ever really will be. I feel like I'm doing better with it now which is good. But I feel guilty because my wife is still in a funk. As the mom she had a totally different attachment and experience than I could have had. So it makes sense to me that the healing process will be different too. I think she is doing better. We just aren't in the same stage of the process but I know we'll get there together.

This might be TMI but since this was a surprise we probably aren't going to try again right away. I think we should use this as motivation to improve our lives in order to be more prepared. We were pretty much prepared for our son and that whole experience took it's toll on us physically, mentally and financially. My wife agrees but she still can't help but feel like we should try again as soon as her Doc gives the green light. It's just not an easy decision.