I keep reading many of these articles which point out that Happiness after a child is something we fool ourselves into believing

www.huffingtonpost.com/wray-herbert/joyf...onance_b_816453.html

What all these authors seem to miss out is that every creature has this urge to live forever or in other words pass its gene's along to the next generation. If we didn't have this drive and pleasure associated with related activities we would most certainly be extinct.

What do you guys think of Happiness after a first child? I myself have never been more happier looking into my babies eyes after a 2:00 AM feed as she looks into my eyes. And the occasional smile melts me away.

I couldn't read all of that, the details were irritating. I did skim the whole thing though. (Lame I know.)

But right off the bat they (psychologists) are doing it wrong..."How do we square this jarring contradiction?"

You don't! Parenting IS hard. Parenting IS expensive. But if you have to look at the dollars and sense in order to see and appreciate time spent with your offspring, your priorities are a bit askew. And I think the study is a study for the sake of a study so they have something to study and write about for their journals.

Give me a million dollars so that I don't have to relate rearing costs to my time with my son. I'm going to appreciate the time I have with him even more! 1. simply because of quantity, and 2. because of opportunities to do so many different things.

I will admit that I am blessed to have a great relationship with HisMother, and TheBoy is simply awesome. Low maintenance and has given us so few problems that my pre-birth freakouts (in my head) were wasted energy. I realize that not everyone has this experience and often have very trying times medically and emotionally.


DaddyRoger, it gets even better. You think your heart melts now with a smile? Just you wait 'til she looks at you and says, "I love you Daddy."

You can't put a price on that stuff. Wait, yes you can. Clearly they have been researching that. What they don't understand... You simply shouldn't.

Great response to an article I see no point for. What would the reseacher's conclusion be? Have kids as long as you know that when you think you're enjoying it, you're really not? Seems like a circular way to look at the world. I'm a financial analyst, I quantify these sorts of benefits daily and I'm hard pressed to find a way to measure cost/benefit ratios pertaining to having children. You're right, it is hard, expensive and taxing on a relationship (I'm early in the game yet but I have no doubt the above is true).

I've seen several studies like the one he references. They all say the same thing. Childless people are happier. And I get that. And don't really take issue with it. I know (and am related to) lots of childless people, the lifestyle is less stressful -- and allows people to be more attendant on their own needs. It seems true to me.

I also have a biological imperative to challenge those findings (I guess the article explains that we all do). To me, the notion that childless people are happier is a little like saying marathon runners have more painful legs than sedentary people. It misses something essential about the experience.

Maybe my argument boils down to a claim that pain is pleasure, but I feel that there is an umami of emotion that is difficult for social scientists to qualify, and that is where parenting lives. There is something savory and complex that we derive from our relationships with our kids that doesn't survey well.

So, are childless people happier? Sure.

Still wouldn't trade.

Excellent responses guys.

Some of you already know that at 46yrs old, I have just now (Thanksgiving weekend) have had my first child. I have been a very happy childless adult, along with many of my childless adult friends. My (12 yrs younger) wife and I lead active lives, paddling, riding, overlanding, travelling, etc.
We are known as a very happy couple. We work very well as a team wether it be tandem kayak racing, navigator/driver while overlanding, doing a house project together, or just in life's every day duties.

But nothing has prepared us for the joys of looking into the eyes of our own daughter. It is beyond any happiness we have ever known prior. I love my wife with all my heart, and I love my parents, and I've loved my dogs, but the love I have for my daughter is something on a whole new level that I did not know existed, a feeling I did not know there was a capability to feel.

It has made my wife and I appreciate each other even more. It has strengthened an already strong relationship between us. When I watch her with our daughter, it confirms my instinct that she is an incredible woman.

FWIW, too many times to admit, I have held my newborn daughter in my arms, sometimes singing to her, sometimes not, and she has looked at me and smiled and tears started down my old man cheeks...no amount of "happy" has ever done that to me before.