My oldest daughter is now 2 years old and is doing a great job learning to communicate given her limited vocabulary. There is never a thing as too young to teach manners. My method is pretty simple for now...

Costco

I am at Costco at least once a week buying milk, berries, eggs, papergoods, etc. Costco is one of the few remaining places that still offers samples to shoppers. Abby is allowed to have selected samples if she is polite. First, she must say "hello" and occasionally "how are you?" (we are still working on this part). Then she must ask politely for the item... "craker please" or some times "may I have a cracker please" as a stretch goal. Once she has the sample, she must say thank you and either good bye or have a good day. She also must make eye contact with the person offering the sample. If she does not, I make her repeat it. As she gets older, the process will get more complicated and with fewer reminders from me.

Most of the people at Costco appreciate of the effort. I am annoyed when Abby is told she is really cute. I politely let them know that I would prefer that people think of her as polite and not not just cute.

I also apply parts of this routine with cashiers at various stores with the addition of handing the cashier money and putting money in the tip jar when necessary.

What methods do you use to teach your kids manners?


Dan

@DanM Great thread.

Manners, or respect, is a curriculum that, for us, has been more a process than a destination.

For us, it's been about modeling and picking battles.

I go out of my way to be nice to all service folks. When the person is a Spanish speaker, I use Spanish and formal address -- this happens a lot; we're in Texas.

We have our wins and losses. My kids' table manners range from acceptable (my daughter) to utterly gross (both boys). For some reason I don't sweat that one so much. They still have to be reminded sometimes to thank a host.

But I get a lot of comments about the kids being "good with adults," "easy to have as a guest," that kind of thing. I think they have good interpersonal skills that I would also categorize as "manners."

Being respectful is top priority and I don't think you ever get to stop teaching/modeling that for kids.

I wouldn't worry about what others say (cute vs. polite)... But I definitely try to be the person who says to others, "Your son is very polite," versus "He's so cute." Be that person, don't try to get others to be, that'll just be frustrating for you.

But I get what you're saying, you want your daughter to hear the "polite" more than the "cute." Just be sure to point out the positives that YOU want her to focus on. You're a much bigger influence on her than random sample clerk at Cosco. Keep up the great work! (And I'd bet she IS indeed cute though.)

We're big on please and thank you, excuse me (for interrupting, or burpin'), pardon me (for toots), and general courtesies. We haven't been formal at all, as with "Sir" or "Mam" but he floored me this weekend with several "Yes, Sir"s both with me and others. (He got big praise for them each time.)

It really freaks me out when he busts out with full sentences when he needs something... "Can someone please help me with opening my applesauce?" And spoken clear as day. I mean, it's fantastic! But where'd the 4 year old go and who is this 8 year old?

I love it when I see things come out that I know HisMother or I actually taught him. I get that feeling of pride knowing that we're doing SOMETHING right, at least occasionally. But I also recognize that much of the greatness is coming from his social interactions and teachers at preschool. Having a quality facility like we have has been HUGE for us. I feel very lucky and blessed with this lil' man.