My wife & I share almost everything just about equally - we both work (outside the home) and we share in the household & parenting responsibilities just about equally.<br><br>I choose to be an involved Dad & feel compelled to do my fair share, so I rarely do “poker nights” or go hang out with just the guys on the weekend. Because of that though, many of the guys I know (most of whom are Dads too) look at me like some kind of wuss or freak. (I've heard the word whipped mumbled a time or two.)<br><br>However, few of these guys seem to have a real idea of what parenting is like because their wives do all of the heavy-lifting. To me, being a Dad isn’t just about showing up for bathtime or pre-bedtime reading. There are lots of challenge-filled hours that occur before those big-ticket moments that quite a few Dads seem oblivious to.<br><br>But again, when I question my Dad pals about how they’re frequently able to make time to poof off an entire evening playing Playstation games or go shoot hoops or whatever, you’d think I had grown a 3rd eyeball and have green skin!<br><br>So, which is it: am I being a responsible guy for carrying my fair portion of the load, or am I whipped because I don't routinely dump the lion's share of the menial parenting tasks onto my wife so I can go hang with the peeps? Have any of you seen a similar attitude from your buds? Is there a stigma that comes with being a progressive & involved Dad?

I'm not going to mince words: The guys who think you are whipped or a wuss are not real men. It takes a real man to be an involved Dad. Instead of wondering about yourself, feel pity for those other guys. It's sad, really.

Believe it or not, you can be an involved Dad and still have some fun. I'm proof of that. I spend time away skating usually twice every week. That doesn't mean I'm not involved, nor does it mean my wife resents me skating. She encourages it. (I think she's just saving it all up for a future vacation/purchase on her own, at which time I'll have no retort but to say Enjoy honey!)<br><br>But I do think you are needlessly depriving yourself from some time with your peeps, because it can be done in harmony. But that certainly doesn't mean your whipped or a wuss. You just feel better spending time at home. Ain't nothin' wrong with that either.<br><br>But don't be like your friends and judge them as harshly as you feel they are judging you... I'd bet not all of them are just showing up for bathtime and reading. It's not the time away that makes them not real men. It's their attitude towards you. That's a lame way to treat a friend.<br><br>You are doing what is right for you and your family. If you weren't, your family would let you know about it. Don't worry about what other people think. Those who matter, understand. Those who don't undersand, don't matter.

I completely agree!<br><br>I think you can certainly do both, be an involved parent AND have time to yourself now and then.<br><br>My hubby and I take turns. We each try to make some time for ourselves each weekend. I get to go get a pedicure or go shopping for myself or simply run errands without children. And he also gets out of the house for a few hours each weekend to do whatever it is he wants to do. We are both the type of people that need some 'alone time' to recharge our batteries. While one of us is out enjoying ourselves the other watches the kids, no biggie! While I'm out of the house he gets the chance to spend time with the girls and find out about the joys of being the sole care provider for a few hours. This has given him a greater appreciation for what I do all week. And I appreciate that he spends hours and hours away from home each week making sure we have a roof over our head, so I think he deserves some down time too and I encourage him to take it.

I'm in a pretty conservative part of Indiana, shoot I'm in the land of Bush Can Do No Wrong, Yee-Haw! I would have thought that my choice to end the job search to stay home with my son would get a bad reception from some of my friends of the conservative persuasion. Turns out, they respect it. When I had to sit in the non-smoking section of a bar when Pipe Club came around while my wife was in Mexico, I didn't get razzed at all. I think some of my beer brewing buddies are downright jealous, actually. I suspect that unless these guys are heartless, good for nothing morons, they're just putting on a game face and inside they understand completely. Groups of men and beer are a bad thing if you take anything more than 50% seriously, I find. But if they are serious and don't respect you, then you have no reason to respect them or value their opinion.

I appreciate the feedback & support! Since we're new parents (8 months next week!), I think we're still trying to find our rhythm. Adopting a toddler has meant hitting the ground running - often literally - and we're only just getting the hang of how to eke out any personal time. To be really honest though, there have been a few times that I've needed to (or felt that I ought to) turn down invites from my buds and felt a little resentful about it at the time. So, I'm still trying to get a fix on how to strike that balance between being a responsible, involved Dad and also still have some fun.

You're being a responsible guy for caring enough to be an involved father. There is a stigma, but I don't hang out with those guys. And yet I can and will still be a guy when the opportunity arises with my friends who do get me and dig it. Stand proud papa.