OK, so it's been 19 months now since we had our first kid. This is apparently the time when even mere acquaintances think it is OK to ask about our plans for producing a second little spud. Of course, we would like to produce another spud in an ideal world.<br><br>However, my wife and I are concerned that an additional $850/month for childcare is really going to bust the budget and we would not be able to contribute to our 401k's anymore as a consequence. Downgrading to a smaller house/mortgage payment is not an option right now given the housing market in the DC area.<br><br>Some of our (actually her) friends have dismissed this concern and asked with disdain and incredularity...you're going to let money concerns dictate your family plans..?!?!.<br><br>I have to say that this question hits home with me. I mean, on some right brain level, they are right. To hell with the money. But the left brain says this is a bad, bad idea. It says we should wait until we know there is money for a 2nd childcare (or tuition) bill every month.<br><br>Which side of the brain is correct??? (for the record, my wife is 32 so we've got some time before we fall in to the high risk pregnancy category...).<br><br>I know there are some folks on here with many, many kids. And I have to assume that these folks are not all millionaires. How do you make large families work financially?

I'm interested to hear others on this as well... My wife is already in the high risk category...<br><br>I am of the opinion, that people are right, if you wait 'til you're ready, you'll never have kids... BUT I can sure be more financially prepared than we are right now! Particularly for a second one... Money dictates just about everything whether we like it or not. Think about what you'd have to sacrifice for the whole family, including the new grom, for that new grom. It makes a BIG difference in the comfort of everyone's daily life. Are the sacrifices worth it, I'm sure they are. But they can be somewhat avoided.<br><br>So I say wait, 'til YOU are ready. And buy a lottery ticket every once in awhile, for shiggles.

I think you are really smart to think about the practical issues. And childcare is certainly a biggie, maybe the biggest (healthcare #2?) when it comes to the family budget. Are the public schools good in your area? If so, then you can calculate just how long the overlap is before the oldest goes off to kinder. By waiting just a year, you reduce overlap considerably, if not your overall expenditure. Some daycares will give you a break on a second (or third) kid. Would 24 mos without 401k contribs be acceptable?<br><br>The youngest of my three kids is now four. Next fall, when he goes to kinder, I am throwing a big, big party. And maybe buying a new laptop.<br><br>BTW, there have been lots of studies that show the stereotypes around only children are bullsh*t. As a matter of fact, they self-report higher levels of happiness than kids in sibling fams.

Thanks for the reinforcement Daddy Clay.<br><br>24 months of no 401k contributions would definitely be OK. But I forgot to mention that we intend to send our kid(s) to private school for K-12 if at all possible. So this means that the monthly childcare bill will just turn into a monthly tuition bill in a few years. And from what I can tell from my research thus far, the tution bill is pretty much the same

I'm happy to hear someone else in the same situation as we are. Our son is almost 21 months & I get asked almost daily so wehn are you going to have the next one?. My answer is always the same, Not today.. We would love to have another child & seeing as I am already in the high-risk (35) age, it does seem to be something we need to get moving on.<br><br>The thing is...both of us work, which means daycare is a must (we can't afford just 1 salary). But, actually for us sometimes I think it's just the concept of starting this all over again when I feel like we're just getting to a point where we can do some more things. AND-maybe I'm nervous we'll have another child who NEVER sleeps through the night like my son. (Up 4 times last night alone.<br><br>What did other people do to finally bite the bullet & decide to go for #2? Any advice from you experts?

Well I mostly worry about the money aspect of kid #2. But my wife definitely could relate to your concerns about starting this all over again.

I was really all about just having one. Our oldest was a preemie. 3 weeks in the NICU will take the edge off your reproductive ambitions. I told everybody that would listen that we're having one. My problem was that I never really got buy-in on that concept from my wife. Having a big family was a priority for her.<br><br>At the time (aka before I ruined my career started a company), we were lucky enough to have jobs that provided us with free housing and very cheap childcare (my wife and I actually founded a low-cost daycare center -- still $500/mo!). The financial situation meant that my emotions were all that need to be overcome.<br><br>We now have three kids.

Sean! Where the heck are you finding such cheap childcare around here? We're paying $1,200 a month!<br><br>Back to your question - My wife and I are like you, one is good because having a second would not just alter our lifestyle but would mean that we would have to sell our house, live in a cardboard box and work longer hours. It's insane.<br><br>We've gotten the questions and my answer is always we're really happy with one. I have decided that if they argue with me about it, they are welcome to pay for childcare/grocery store trips for us. That usually quiets them down.<br><br>But really, where are you finding the cheap chidcare?! :o)

Yeah, I know, good deal, huh? We're in Pr. William Co, things are a bit cheaper down here. I'll send you a PM with the name of the school.

You have to consider the financial side of things but, if you're going to have two, I think you should try to have them within a few years of each other so they have a chance to be friends (or maybe enemies?) while they're young.

I have a 3 year old and a 20-month year old. Right now, it's not real easy but I keep telling myself that they'll eventually learn to play together and take some of the pressure off me. I realize I'm probably deluding myself but I need my delusions right now.

I'm in the same situation as donavan. A 3 year old and a 10months old and our house is a zoo, our finances are in shambles and you know what for the most part it all works out at the end of the month.

Tight and no contrebutions for our retirement but the daycare situation is not going to be forever. In our case we are only doing 2 kids in daycare for 1 full painfull year and then our oldest is going to be in school.

So to sum it up Chaos, Carnage and whole lot of fun!
Wouldnt do it any other way. Jump in and if you have to cancel the cable or bring down your cellphone usage for a few years so be it.

At least its working for us and there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Then comes college!