Hey Dads! What are your thoughts on being called "Mr. Mom"?

Personally, it drives me nuts. I have a list of reasons why I find it offensive to both dads and moms, but I'm curious about whether it bothers others as much as it bothers me.

It usually applies to Stay-at-Home Dads, so it is usually pretty pointed. The more irritating part of it is that I'm not trying to be Mom. My wife does a fine job of that. It implies that my wife isn't being a mom because she works or leaves childcare responsibilities to me. That's part of a cultural war that has been going on between working moms and SAHMs for decades. The moral high ground has always belonged to the women who "give up everything for their children" so any digs, intended or not, are harsh.

The other side is that it seems to indicate that what I do with my boys is some way effeminate. I can tell you that I don't parent the same as my wife. We wrestle a good bit. We go to ball games. When the boys are napping, I'm not calling my girlfriends or watching soaps, things implied by the Mr. Mom label. I'm working on beer, tending to home maintenance and still doing household chores. It doesn't make me better than a woman but it has to be recognized as different.

I don't know, really wouldn't bother me. Someone who would call me that as a derogatory term, piss on 'em. They ain't worth my time, and guess what, they know it. If it really bothers you, just physically walk away from the conversation at that point. They'll get the hint. Or call them Mrs. Dad.

I'd honestly love to 'earn' Ben's definition of the name "Mr. Mom" and stay home to take care of the house and kid(s). I've told my wife many times, if she gets a job that would allow me to stay home... dinner would be waiting for her when she got home. The laundry would be done regularly and the dishes would sparkle. Hell, I'd even wear the apron! It'd have skulls and flames on it, but still... As it is now, we get to chores when we get to 'em.

Don't sweat it.

The only times it has bugged me is when people who know me try using that as a compliment or a description of what I do. They're showing discomfort with th change of roles, I think. So I bring it up and explain why they shouldn't call me that. They take offense that I don't like their label and try to sidestep conflict instead of admitting their mistake and moving on.

Nik, I get what you're thinking, but it never works out that way. There's way too much to do. Every time I take some time to get a chore done, I worry that the boys are going to get themselves in trouble. And there's a sound basis for that. Today, Tristan reached a toy on a counter in our dining room and ended up with a 3 pound wooden crane knocking him on the head after a three foot drop. All in a matter of a few minutes while I was doing dishes not more than 15 feet from his accident. Add carpool (Drop off and pick up at school) or zoo trips to the day and there's s little time to do what's required, let alone things like keeping a spotless house.

There's a large group of SAHDs who act as general contractors for getting the lawn mowed and general cleaning because being a SAH anything is a full time job (and perhaps more). For whatever reason, when we change paychecks and childcare, we haven't seemed to change who mows the lawn, maintains the cars or watches football. (Well, it's always been my wife for that last bit.)

What I think is most interesting about the Mr. Mom reference is just how old it is.

A little trivia, anybody want to guess what year "Mr. Mom" starring Michael Keaton and Teri Garr and written by John Hughes was released?

Maybe it's just the catchiness of the phrase that has kept it rolling around in the mainstream press for so long (Google it -- you'll find recent deployments in the WSJ, US, Time), but it says a lot that you find this kind of airplay 27 years later. That's right, "Mr. Mom" was released in 1983.

The simple irony of the phrase still finds purchase because stereotypes haven't changed nearly enough. Guys like Ben are helping to change that, so I hope this phrase goes away before 2037.

Until then, if someone drops a Mr. Mom on you, ask them how they like their legwarmers, if they've crashed the Porsche in the lake lately, or if they're still working at Duke and Duke.

(Flashdance, Risky Business and Trading Places all came out in 1983.)

Thanks, guys. Great insights! I think what bothers me most about it, among all the things mentioned above, is that it somehow seems demeans what I actually do in a day. No one has ever said this in so many words but when people ask what I "do" and I say "I am a stay-at-home dad" I can tell people picture me loafing on the sofa eating bonbons. Or I get the "Oh, I'm so sorry" look. Like it's some kind of punishment. I happen to love being home with my daughter and running the household stuff. For years now, women have gotten to choose whether they stayed at home with the children or had careers outside the home. Why is it so far beyond people's imaginations that a man might CHOOSE to stay home?

Not a fan of the term Mr. Mom. Gets used to much by the vapid media looking for an easy way to write about something much more complex. Too often its associated with klutzy dad and serves to propogate a stereotype.

But maybe Nik is right? Their problem? Not sure when the Daddy Minority will be big enough to fight the man, errr, woman, err press.

On a side note, we got something from a toy company today that said congratulations dadlabs for being one of the best mommy bloggers as defined by....

clearly they tailor the email to the exception.