Little help. I'm working on a piece for a European parenting magazine. You could help me out by giving me some quotes. Here's the premise:<br><br>It’s an image we’ve seen time and again in American action movies: the hero, with sweat beading on his brow, nervously holds his snips and contemplates the doomsday device. The fate of the world is in his hands. Should he clip the red wire? Or the green?<br><br>Who knew that was a metaphor for parenting?<br><br>It’s how a lot of American parents are feeling these days, anyway. So many of the decisions that were once a matter of course, now seem to have accumulated greater significance and higher stakes. The basic choices of feeding and caring for and teaching children have taken on a red wire/green wire aspect. Make the right choice about nutrition or childcare or sports participation, and your child is set for life. Make the wrong choice and...boom. Disaster.<br><br>Do you ever feel this way? What are the issues/decisions that cause the most anxiety? Do my job for me, will ya.

I find that the red wire/green wire aspect of parenting is a myth, but it continues to grow and is usually perpetuated for one of two reasons:<br><br>(1) A company wants to sell you something, and in order to do so they need to convince you that there is only one correct answer to this parenting dilemma. Of course, the correct answer will require you to buy this company's product. This type of thing often appears as an informational article in a parenting or other mainstream magazine. The article is usually authored by the company, or a consultant to the company. The article gets published in the magazine and past the editor-in-chief because the company advertises heavily in the magazine. (i.e. the deal is as follows: you buy these ads, and we'll let you plant some informational articles in our magzine). This type of arrangement works best if the company's article insists that the wrong choice will cause a cataclysmic disaster.<br><br>These articles are also very popular because THEY SELL MAGAZINES. People are naturally attracted to headlines such as 10 deadly mistakes you should never make with your children! How can anyone possible resist buying the magazine?? It's a nice arrangement for both publishers and corporations.<br><br>The second reason for perpetuation of this myth is far less insipid:<br><br>(2) An insecure parent needs to feel like they made the correct decision. They seek like-minded folks and bond together in the form of e-mail lists, play groups, discussion boards, etc... These venues naturally thelp all of the parents feel better about themselves and allow them to feel more secure in their decisions. And given this situation, the group will ultimately build a consensus that one choice is correct and the other will cause catastrophe.<br><br>It's a classic example of group thinking and security in numbers. If this choice does turn out to be wrong, no one individual person will feel the force of the blame because everyone was doing it.<br><br>I think #2 continues to accelerate beacuse nowadays it is so much easier to participate in groups, e-mail lists, discussion boards, etc...

September 4, 2008 at 4:51pm

Oh yeah, of course!!!<br><br>You know what, though, in all seriousness, and since I know for certain that no women will ever read this post....<br><br>The women are far, far, far worse than the men when it comes to making group decisions and building consensus towards one correct decision. Some of the Mom e-mail lists that my wife subscribes to are pretty unbelievable. It's almost like... If you don't breastfeed and feed your kid organics, we're going to call CPS on you...! I haven't really seen that sort of thing on DadLabs yet, and that's certainly a good thing.

I guess at this point (7 months into parenthood), I don't feel this pressure really at all. I don't even have the gate at the top of the stairs yet, much to my wife's dismay. But I do believe I will feel it... I mean I worry that there is so much responsibility and I have so much to teach him, but I'm not worried about the big boom. (Well, I WASN'T... I kinda am now. Thanks DaddyClay!)<br><br>But also, there isn't just ONE wire with parenting. There are hundreds. And after each decision, the next decision/consequence changes, and so on and so on. Snippin' the wrong one early might lead to a lil' boom, but not a disaster. And you'd think with a few progressively bigger explosions, mom&dad might get a clue and clip the other wire next time.<br><br>How do I keep the kid from climbing the clock tower? I really don't know yet. I'm relying heavily on genetics. My childhood wasn't superb, and I haven't snapped (yet). So I figure he's already ahead of the game as I'm hoping to provide him a better childhood than mine...<br><br>Dude, your job is hard.

Dude, I did'nt have a gate up at 8 months either. Then my daughter fell down the stairs while I was busy changing her crib sheets. She was perfectly fine, but I am scarred forever.<br><br>Also, whenever my wife and I have a parental dispute, she has to drag out the old you let her fall down the steps, you dumbass!!! argument. Which is really, really annoying.

Harsh, but fair. Women get the Your kid lived in me! card... forever.<br><br>But I'll put the gate up this weekend. Ok? OK!? Jeez.

The basis of success in regards to parenting carries the same basis for success in relationships. Advice is relative but only to a point. Your heart and upbringing will guide you the rest of the way, regardless of what others may or may not think. The number one reason people have and continue to have failing relationships, is the fact that they are drawing on experience from failed relationships, leading one to unknowing self-sabotage. If it didn't work before, lets try it and see if it works now. It probably won't but what the hell, let's see. Same thing with parenting. If I read a book published by Herbie Schlemwitz, and apply Herbie's methods/perception to my parenting approach, who is responsible ultimately for failure? Herbie for writing an improper technique? Myself for executing a failed technique? Myself for improper execution of a failed technique? My fault for reading a book? Parenting nowdays feels like you are battling everyone around you for the right and privelige to raise your child in the best manner that you see fit. My mother taught me manners, shame they are all bad. That statement encompasses exactly what i'm saying in a nutshell. Will we ever, ever truly know we're right until they grow up? I could lie to you and say that you could look for key indicators, such as trouble or jail, but those are symptoms, not the cause. In my eyes, good honest down-to-earth parenting is nothing more than the result of two or in some cases one person dedicated to the well-being of their child (and/or children) 24 hours a day, seven days a week. There are no do-overs or second go-arounds, making each and every decision more important than the last. Once we make decisions looking into the future, instead of satisfying or pacifying today, we turn parenting from the dreaded episode of 24 into the journey of a lifetime, rewarding us with the satisfaction of a life come full circle. Passing on what you know versus what you've learned is just the beginning. But in all close and distant realities, does that journey ever really end? The answer lies in the smile of my daughter. We never, ever move past the beginning.<br><br><br>Bri-

I haven't received my Daddy-MacGyver badge yet. Any day now. Then I can dismantle and comment.

Good luck. The world as a Father is an entirely different place.

Well, there are a few things where I feel the stress of dismantling a bomb. But these occasions rarely turn out to have been that big a deal. Most have been a case of relaxing and going with it.<br><br>Sometimes I feel that my mother in law, or my mother would like to see more panic from me sometimes. But I have found a clear head, and keeping calm are the way to handle things. I have also found that my son, even more than my wife and I, is the one living his life and making choices. We can, do and should guide. But ultimately, it is up to him.<br><br>The most anxiety I have felt is when my mother-in-law thought we were doing something horribly wrong with our son. I got the distinct impression that if we didn't do what she wanted, she was going to take our son away. He had a cold, and we didn't bother taking him to the emergency room only to find out that he was fine. But she was convinced that he was going to die, and You can never be too sure. So we ended up doing this, and it turns out he had a cold and was fine.<br><br>In terms of decisions... very little can't be reversed. Just relax. And if you are not sure, consult with your wife, and your child. My son sometimes has better solutions to problems that I do, and he is 9 months old. The trick is listening in such a way as to hear the answer, because he can't explain it very well just yet