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TOPIC: What Type of Punishment?
 

sean
What Type of Punishment?
1 Year, 10 Months ago
I'm wondering what you guys think about this situation...

Our family was planning on going to see the local high school production of "Annie" last Saturday. Our 3-yo is totally and completely obsessed with the Annie movie. She sings the songs, etc..

And truth be told, I was also excited about taking her to see the show. I was looking forward to her reaction to the show.

On Friday night, however, our dear daughter had a temper tantrum (which have thankfully become much less frequent); she refused to get into the bath or shower.

My wife issued the standard warning/threat: "TAKE A BATH OR SHOWER NOW OR WE ARE NOT GOING TO ANNIE TOMORROW."

Apparently, our daughter thought she would call our bluff this time, and she still refused the bath/shower. The situation rapily degraded into flailing around on the floor and screaming.

At this point, it seemed like we had to follow through on the threat and not go see "Annie" the next day.

The thing is, we were all really disappointed that we weren't going to do this family activity the next day. I'm still kind of bummed about it. (that was the last night of the show).

Taking away TV or games or early bedtime is an easy call. But taking away a family activity that everyone was looking forward to? Not so sure about that.

Thoughts?
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Cook
Re:What Type of Punishment?
1 Year, 10 Months ago
Tough decision, but I am a firm believer in no empty threats. When your wife uttered the threat, she made the decision that missing the show was an appropriate trade-off. The fact that you, as a family, stood by that is impressive. I have a lot of friends that cave into the kids because it is more convenient for them, but tough lessons are often painful to learn. Kudos for sticking by your guns.
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sean
Re:What Type of Punishment?
1 Year, 10 Months ago
well Cook, you allude to an interesting point. My wife uttered the threat, not me! When the words came out of her mouth, I looked at her like "what are you doing!?!?"
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Daddy Clay
Re:What Type of Punishment?
1 Year, 10 Months ago
Just got a call from ABC news looking for a parent that would anonymously admit to spanking their child on a regular basis.

Which reminded my that both of the times I spanked one of my kids (both times, my willful daughter, btw) grew out of similar situations. I ran out of options, threatened a spanking, and she called me on it. One time this actually took place in the daycare, in public. I was pretty sure I was gonna get CPS on my ass for that one.

Sean, I think there might have been a credible "out." I think mom has to drive the bus, saying that the punishment was punishing dad, too. So you, child, are allowed this one time to choose your punishment. We can a) miss the play or you can b) some other awful punishment.

Might appeal to her sense of "fair" without too much of a cop out.

What do you think?
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sean
Re:What Type of Punishment?
1 Year, 10 Months ago
"Choose your punishment" - that's freakin' genius! Why didn't I think of that!?

See - I guess you old farts do have some value after all
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Cook
Re:What Type of Punishment?
1 Year, 10 Months ago
The choose your punishment works for a while. Some good friends of mine used that quite a bit until their daughter started offering her own options and remembering previous options and wanted to know why they weren't options anymore...It became a choose your own adventure for the kid, and a create your own headache for the parents. But for younger kids, I love it.
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bobjr79
Re:What Type of Punishment?
1 Year, 10 Months ago
Yeah that's a tough one but I think it was good for your daughter that you stuck to it.

My son is not of tantrum age yet but I'm hoping that my 10 years of working with adults with developmental disabilities has trained me to deal with the terrible 2's, 3's, 4's.....
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WaterfordDadOf2
Re:What Type of Punishment?
1 Year, 9 Months ago
I agree that it was good that you and your wife stuck to your punishment. I am facing an issue with my wife because she threatens punishments and caves later. I keep reminding her that they are becoming (or have become) empty threats and they do not respect her authority like they should at times. So in that regard, your decision to hold tough is admirable.

I think that allowing the child to choose their fate is interesting, but as Cook stated, that is a temporary solution.

My wife and I have a standard amount of play time (typically video game time) for our kids and if they do something worthy of punishment, they lose a said amount of time (1/2 hour to 1 hour depending on the "offense") That way they know what to expect and know they don't want that punishment.

The biggest thing I did to resolve some of the tantrum phase is to not give it any more attention than necessary. Usually kids throw a tantrum to gain attention. They start to make a connection that "hey if I scream, Mommy or Daddy comes running" even though it is negative attention, its attention all the same. Once they realize that it doesn't work, the tantrums usually will cool out.

They are so fun at that age, but they can test your patience for sure.
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Daddy Troy
Re:What Type of Punishment?
1 Year, 9 Months ago
It seems like the crux of this story is the relationship between mom and dad. Having a clear idea of what to use as leverage and what not. I admire you for standing by it.

I also feel like that once in a blue moon one can go back on his word. Kids have tantrums that they are not in control of.
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krellpw
Re:What Type of Punishment?
1 Year, 9 Months ago
Just catching up on this one, but I agree with most folks. I think that it's great that you and your wife stood united and stuck to the punishment, so the little one knows you weren't bluffing. The "choose your own punishment option" is intriguing. Don't know that I would try it with my boy. Not sure it would work.

Understanding that your wife didn't consult with you before issuing her ultimatum, in our house, I expect my wife and I would have had a conversation after the little one's bed time and gone the next morning with a hybrid of some of what I've read here. "We've decided to go to the play today, because it's not fair for Mom and Dad to miss this show because of your bad behavior. BUT you are going to lose the following (insert the child's favorite privelege/treat for whatever you feel is an appropriate amount of time.) because the way you behaved last night was wrong."
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