I'm on the Not To Spank side of the fence. I can't imagine hitting a child. But I do agree with an earlier comment, that each child is different, and one can and should tailor the discipline to each individual child. If that should escalate to spanking and such is up to each parent, but again, I know that this is not for me.

I have heard before from other parents about putting the "fear of God" into one's child, so to speak. Personally, I am not concerned with being feared by my child. What means more to me is being respected. But fear and true respect are not the same thing. And respect is a two-way street, and has to be earned. Also, I believe that discipline is not simply about making someone do something. Part of being a parent is about facilitating learning, so discipline becomes about learning how to behave. Of course, I know that it is not always that simple or easy.

well said Daddy Jeff.

We spank. It's "administered" rather than reactionary. And it works.

Just thought I would get this thread up and going again, since I posted a blog about the recent controversial research indicating that spanking might actually be good for kids.

And there is our latest video, with more academic thoughts on the subject.

I'm wondering if we should start a "Don't be a Spanker" campaign. Get dads to take a pledge not to spank.

I don't spank, MY KIDS.

Robbing a bank is a quick way to get rich, but it has consequences, most of them undesired.

Spanking a child will most likely get them to do what you want, but at what cost? Will they be afraid of you in the future and, therefore, fail to form the close bond you may have had otherwise?

Fathers who use spanking _liberally_ are taking the easy way out, rather than really trying to figure out a more effective and less damaging method of discipline. And there ARE other methods, but this requires some serious effort and experimentation to find what works.

I do agree that some cases may call for it, such as if you need to put the fear of god in your child for doing something dangerous. These cases are rare though.

In my experience, most incidents requiring discipline are actually opportunities in disguise. The point of discipline is not only to get your kid to STOP doing something, but to show them ALTERNATIVES to their action so that they LEARN from the experience.

Also, I didn't hear any mention of the difference between boys and girls. I firmly believe that you should never, ever, EVER spank your little girl. If you choose to spank your boy, the infraction must be severe enough. Double standard? Maybe, but no more than saying "every child is different". I recommend "Why Gender Matters" by Leonard Sax for more info.

If parents are going to spank, they should do so in a consistent manner, and without causing real pain.

I, bobjr79, do hereby solemnly swear that I will never spank my child.

My parents probably spanked me only a hand full of times as a kid. I think I turned out alright and I don't blame them or anything. I just think that there has to be a better way to discipline your kids.

I've worked with adults with developmental disabilities for 10 years and taken a few behavior management classes. Some of the key points has always been that pain will only escalate people and damage relationships. It might get results but they will probably only learn that they just can't get caught.

That's just my 2 cents for whatever it's worth. My son is only 6 months old. I'm not really there yet.

I'm guessing the peak of spanking -- either actualized or imagined has to be at around age 3.

Our child is still an infant and is not old enough to be disciplined yet. However, my wife and I have talked about this issue. We do not plan to use corporal punishment (hitting). We plan to use timeouts.

We've got a great book - written by Jo Frost (known as "Supernanny" on TV) - that discusses the timeout method in detail.

As this is our first child, and he's still too young for discipline, I can't speak from experience on this subject. However last year we loaned our book to another family who have older children, and they've told us that they've used the technique in their family with great success.

Here's the link to the book on Amazon.
www.amazon.com/Ask-Supernanny-Every-Pare...304532792&sr=1-3


Roger

I personally went from bachelor to married with a young daughter very quickly, and so this has all been informative for me. As many of you state, I was spanked when I broke the rules (a lot, i guess), and it usually deterred me from acting like that again.
I know there is a big push against corporal punishment, but I believe that there is a time and place for it.
Like I said, I came into being the father to a 6 year old (she's 7 now) who had little good male influence in her life before I came around, so there was a huge hill to climb for her to trust me. I made sure to try to do more trust building and let momma do most of the punishing until even recently, as she was somewhat pushing her boundaries with the me. Since then, she has had her outbursts, and has gotten spanked before, but I make sure that I don't do it as a rage reaction but as a metered punishment reaction instead, to try not to just scare her but to teach a lesson. I saw the fear in her eyes once (after she knocked a lamp over on me and her newborn sister having tummy time on the floor) when I reactively raised a hand in her direction. I quickly retracted and made sure the baby was ok, but then made sure the 7 year old knew why what she did was wrong, and that if she did it again it would be a spanking.
we'll see how that works.

Aside from the dangerous or BAD misbehavior, it usually works best for me to offer reward/consequence for certain behavior: read your chapter of your book or no TV, clean your room or no going to the pool, if you do that again you don't go to the playdate this weekend, etc. She seems to respond to that much better.

Thanks all for your good opinions.

Jason