Where do you fall on this issues. Is spanking ok or not ok?

I got whoopins... And I turned out [relatively] ok. I'm sure corporal punishment will be in Indy's future, but I also suspect(and hope) it will be a last resort.<br><br>I see myself more with a light head smack thing. (ala Gibbs to Denozo on NCIS) You know, *whap* Pay Attention!, or What were you thinking? And the ever favorite, *pow* Don't hit your sister. (ah, the irony)

tis an excellent question....<br><br>I just don't see myself doing it (yet). Not because I'm strongly opposed to spanking, but just because I don't think I could bring myself to do it.<br><br>My parental discipline strategy (which is barely tested yet, admittedly) is to be the type of Dad who is quiet and patient 99% of the time, so that when I do get mad, just raising my voice is enough to make the kid cry. We'll see how that works out...<br><br>My wife, however, is constantly screaming. So I don't think that strategy is going to work for her.

I believe that it varies from child to child.<br><br>I've never had to spank my son. I just don't think it would resonate or be effective with him. I have however flicked his wrist or slapped his hand away when he went after something I expressly told him to leave alone and we only had to do that lesson once. So corporal punishment has it's place in our house. My son (age 5) responds much more to loss of priveleges than anything else and has for a couple of years.<br><br>My father raised me much as Sean described and I'm trying to do the same. When I truly raise my voice, my son knows he's gone too far.<br><br>Having said all that, they have a saying down here in NC, and I truly believe that there are some kids that just need to get their britches dusted. So it all depends.

For us, we started off spanking only when the child did something that was dangerous to the child, such as run out in the road.<br><br>Like krellpw, we didn't really ever need to spank our son but my girls are so stubborn that they just keep pushing and pushing and a spank is the only thing that seems to get their attention. I hate doing it but it is better than the belt I got as a child.<br><br>I also want to comment on how the whole view of this sort of thing has really changed. I was watching Bill Cosby's Himself a couple of weeks ago (it is about 28 years old) and he talks about hitting his kids and everything. If a comedian came out talking that way today there would be protests. Also during a Leave It to Beaver marathon, they kept talking about getting a beating when they got home.<br><br>Not that I am taking sides on this issue as a whole but I do wonder if some of the teenage punks I see at the parks got a little smack to the behind, they might not be so belligerent.

Amen to all the above comments! I think we all agree that there's a HUGE difference between carefully metered doses of light swats, and the kind of hard hits that truly get to the, umm, bottom of the problem. There are times when parents absolutely have to get a kid's attention, break their cycle of repeated stupidity, or affect an immediate change in a child's behavior for safety reasons (like running into the street). A swift swat to the rumpus that shocks, rather than hurts, to get a kid's attention would be expedient. However, I also agree that spanking goes too far when it more resembles TV wrestling matches, or is done in anger or frustration.<br><br>Alas, I'm a foster parent so ours has to be a totally no spanking household. Legally. And we strictly abide by that rule. We've had so many kids in our home whose abusive experiences with adults far eclipse a rare judicious swat to the fanny. It's so sad. But it's so much easier for the states to draw no-tolerance lines on spanking than to be forced to adjudicate every situation to determine if it involved a parental swat or an abusive hit.<br><br>BTW, my Dad had a deadly effective weapon in his parenting toolkit. We seldom got spanked, but raised parental voices were not uncommon. However, I knew I was in the deepest of doodoo whenever Dad lowered his voice to a whisper while correcting me. Man, then I knew I had to shut up and listen. Actually, I never found out what would happen if I didn't pay attention to him when he lowered his voice. I miss him and truly wish I could make more frequent use of his calm, quiet voice. I am seldom able to remain so cool in the heat of battle, though .

So true, keeping composure in an quickly escalating discipline situation is a talent. I need to do a better job of managing my quick escalation of verbal threats, ie if you don't do X no screen time for a week. That's a hard one to followthrough on.

I would love to have that secret weapon. My kids have no fear of me. I was afraid of my dad but I don't think any less of him because of it. It sure would make it easier if my kids had some of that that for me.

I don't agree with the stigma that spanking is bad and never should be done. As it has been stated every child is different and for some kids I believe it's the best recourse. I do however believe that spanking shouldn't be done if you're angry or frustrated. It should be used as a tool not as a method of releasing frustration for something your child has done.

I'm doing better, but I still get flustered, rattled, and lose my composure at times. I don't think any of us have it easy, but starting off as a brand-new Dad with a 2 year old was certainly quite a challenge. Sometimes, I think it was more of an adjustment for me than him<br><br>Our discipline strategy - bearing in mind that we're still rank newbies - is to use time-outs. Our little guy is very social, so forcing him to spend time alone usually gets the point across quite well. I'd like very much to be that kind of Dad who's quiet & patient 99% of the time, so that just raising my voice would be enough to make the kid cringe but I'm not there yet.<br><br>There may be a time or situation when spankings are most appropriate - and I'm not against them, provided that they're not done in anger - but the few times I've resorted to corporal punishment, it hasn't seemed especially effective. In fact, I think it may have been even more frustrating when I've spanked and it didn't yield any appreciable result.<br><br>I'd prefer to be more respected than feared, although for a child's mindset, I'm not sure how much of a difference there is between those two.

I think my brother and I were only spanked once out of our whole childhood. My parents had bad experiences with it when they were growing up and they didn't want to do that to us. I don't know quite where I stand. My brother and I turned out all right without smacks, but it was because of the fact that you knew when your parents used that tone of voice that you were in deep. I can see giving them a little swat on the butt to get their attention, not to hurt, but just get their attention. I don't see me spanking a whole lot, but I agree that as long as you aren't just doing it out of frustration and a way to vent then it could possibly be productive for your kid. I guess I'll see how my kids responds. She is only 10 months at the moment so I have just a little time to think about it.

Spanking is sometime needed and required.<br>I try to keep a few things in mind when the time comes:<br>1) A 'formal' spanking must be done in love and never out of anger, it is for an act of rebellion / deliberate disobedience.<br>2) I use a spanking tool. A wide wooden spoon or something similar. I try not to use my hand.<br>3) The spank is not a golf swing or a baseball bat swing, it is a physical reminder that the rules or trust was broken.<br>4) Make sure the spank is on the fattiest part of the butt, so there is a sting but no bruise or other 'damage'.<br>5) Hug and talk afterwards. This is the time to restore the relationship. The child should understand the violation, apologize and be forgiven.<br>6) Remember that the purpose of the spank is discipline not punishment. (yes there is a difference) Discipline is quick, punishment is long term. (Example of punishment= losing computer privileges for a specified length of time)<br>7) For the errors of thoughtlessness or stupidity- I give a flick or butt pat- similar to what you see on the football field, but a little firmer. Enough to get attention, then the usual DUDE! Come on... you know better. or something similar.<br><br>This is how I try to approach this matter, having faith that if I do it at home with love and the goal of training, then the Cops will never have to do it for me.

My wife and I are having trouble getting our 4 year old to listen. We tried the positive rewards approach for a long time. All that did was make him expect a reward every time we asked him to do something. I have always been a firm believer that an uruly child needs a swat on the butt once and a while. He loves to challenge us. We now know that the New Age parenting techniques don't work. A swat on the butt will get the message across, but I don't want to spank him all of the time. My Dad was pretty tough on me that way and I would never advocate anything harder than a good swat on the butt. We have tried time outs, to no avail. We have tried to take away toys, or privileges which sometimes works, but not always. He is a spirited 4 year old with lots of determination when he wants something. It's exhausting. My wife is going to lose her mind. I even try catching him being good. whenever I can. I always try to tell him, you're being a good boy right now, or I'm proud of you, or you really are a smart boy. They say being consistent is the key, but how can you be consistent when NOTHING works for changing his behavior. Any ideas?

Inherited Bad Habit


Child buttock-beating for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.

Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.

I think the reason why television shows like Supernanny and Dr. Phil are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do .

There are several reasons why hitting kids isn't a good idea. Here are a few good, quick reads recommended by professionals:

Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson

NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor, M. D. and Adah Maurer, Ph. D.

I was spanked twice growing up...

However, I was afraid that I would get spanked many times, and that served as a deterent....

With our little one, I think the threat will be there, and then do it once and hopefully not have to do it again...

However, we are having a little girl...so, that may be different! Also, their age is a factor!

I'm on the Not To Spank side of the fence. I can't imagine hitting a child. But I do agree with an earlier comment, that each child is different, and one can and should tailor the discipline to each individual child. If that should escalate to spanking and such is up to each parent, but again, I know that this is not for me.

I have heard before from other parents about putting the "fear of God" into one's child, so to speak. Personally, I am not concerned with being feared by my child. What means more to me is being respected. But fear and true respect are not the same thing. And respect is a two-way street, and has to be earned. Also, I believe that discipline is not simply about making someone do something. Part of being a parent is about facilitating learning, so discipline becomes about learning how to behave. Of course, I know that it is not always that simple or easy.

well said Daddy Jeff.

We spank. It's "administered" rather than reactionary. And it works.

Just thought I would get this thread up and going again, since I posted a blog about the recent controversial research indicating that spanking might actually be good for kids.

And there is our latest video, with more academic thoughts on the subject.

I'm wondering if we should start a "Don't be a Spanker" campaign. Get dads to take a pledge not to spank.

I don't spank, MY KIDS.

Robbing a bank is a quick way to get rich, but it has consequences, most of them undesired.

Spanking a child will most likely get them to do what you want, but at what cost? Will they be afraid of you in the future and, therefore, fail to form the close bond you may have had otherwise?

Fathers who use spanking _liberally_ are taking the easy way out, rather than really trying to figure out a more effective and less damaging method of discipline. And there ARE other methods, but this requires some serious effort and experimentation to find what works.

I do agree that some cases may call for it, such as if you need to put the fear of god in your child for doing something dangerous. These cases are rare though.

In my experience, most incidents requiring discipline are actually opportunities in disguise. The point of discipline is not only to get your kid to STOP doing something, but to show them ALTERNATIVES to their action so that they LEARN from the experience.

Also, I didn't hear any mention of the difference between boys and girls. I firmly believe that you should never, ever, EVER spank your little girl. If you choose to spank your boy, the infraction must be severe enough. Double standard? Maybe, but no more than saying "every child is different". I recommend "Why Gender Matters" by Leonard Sax for more info.

If parents are going to spank, they should do so in a consistent manner, and without causing real pain.

I, bobjr79, do hereby solemnly swear that I will never spank my child.

My parents probably spanked me only a hand full of times as a kid. I think I turned out alright and I don't blame them or anything. I just think that there has to be a better way to discipline your kids.

I've worked with adults with developmental disabilities for 10 years and taken a few behavior management classes. Some of the key points has always been that pain will only escalate people and damage relationships. It might get results but they will probably only learn that they just can't get caught.

That's just my 2 cents for whatever it's worth. My son is only 6 months old. I'm not really there yet.

I'm guessing the peak of spanking -- either actualized or imagined has to be at around age 3.

Our child is still an infant and is not old enough to be disciplined yet. However, my wife and I have talked about this issue. We do not plan to use corporal punishment (hitting). We plan to use timeouts.

We've got a great book - written by Jo Frost (known as "Supernanny" on TV) - that discusses the timeout method in detail.

As this is our first child, and he's still too young for discipline, I can't speak from experience on this subject. However last year we loaned our book to another family who have older children, and they've told us that they've used the technique in their family with great success.

Here's the link to the book on Amazon.
www.amazon.com/Ask-Supernanny-Every-Pare...304532792&sr=1-3


Roger