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TOPIC: Out of control toddler
 

chris_f
Out of control toddler
1 Year, 5 Months ago
Hey there. My 3 year old is causing a lot of trouble at my wife's home daycare. Behavior is worse when the other kids are around. He's been throwing all the toys off the shelves, even hitting another kid. That's the last straw.

He also tends to speak in commands. There's control issues going on somewhere.

We have a time out seat for him but he waits it out and then just goes at it again. We have to find a more severe punishment.

Keep in mind we have a very small house so there's a limited amount of places to put him -- and also keep in mind he has to remain in the same room with the other kids cause my wife has to watch them.

Suggestions on how to get this toddler to get in line?

Thanks guys.

Chris
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Daddy Troy
Re:Out of control toddler
1 Year, 5 Months ago
Its hard to advise, not knowing the kid.

And, this age can be really frustrating. They say "terrible twos" but I wonder if it should include threes.

A few things come to mind:

Try to find the cause of the problem. It might not just be the kid's personality.

For example: some kids behave poorly when confronted with a group care environment that their mom or dad administers. This does not help your situation, but it might point to what is going on.

Also, having gone down this path myself, a stricter punishment might not be the answer and may even turn it in the opposite direction.

Also, behavior modification takes time, so even if you experiment with something it might not have an immediate effect. Stick with it.

I remember distinctly my kid going through stages. One month I wondered how he would ever acclimate to society, and then he woke up one day and was a well behaved kid for a few months, only to find month four back on the same tough track.

Think about a parenting advisor. They are not as expensive as one would think, and they work with this type of thing on a regular basis. They can give you some advice. Sure there are parenting books, but these pros can cut to the chase.

Finally, its possible there is a diagnosable issue that needs doctors attention. I am not saying there is, but don't rule it out.
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Daddy Clay
Re:Out of control toddler
1 Year, 5 Months ago
I wonder if 3 is too young for a reward chart. Maybe you could break the day in to discreet manageable chunks -- arrival of school time, morning snack, circle time, lunch -- and give a mark of the chart for each one. When h gets X number of marks, he get a really great reward.

The certainly works with older kids. And it might help him to build up some internal resources.
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Daddy Troy
Re:Out of control toddler
1 Year, 5 Months ago
Reward charts - yes. They worked in ways that surprised me. A toddlers brain works differently than mine for sure. They ate it up.

Also, just as a side note, my 2nd year old pitched a fit this weekend in public. My question is how will I carry him out of the restaurant when he is fifteen and cry/screaming.
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Daddy Troy
Re:Out of control toddler
1 Year, 5 Months ago
Since some folks might find this forum and want to know more about tantrums, here is a dad labs video on the subject.

www.dadlabs.com/The-Lab/dealing-with-tantrums.html
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chris_f
Re:Out of control toddler
1 Year, 5 Months ago
Thanks all -- the video and comments are great -- brought some much needed support and humor!

My wife says she has this book called "Mastering Anger and Agression the Brazelton way" by Joshua Sparrow PhD and T Berry Brazelton that says a lot of the same things your Early Childhood adviser did.

We're going to have the parent to parent conference thing...stay tuned.
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chris_f
Re:Out of control toddler
1 Year, 5 Months ago
Thanks all -- the video and comments are great -- brought some much needed support and humor!

My wife says she has this book called "Mastering Anger and Agression the Brazelton way" by Joshua Sparrow PhD and T Berry Brazelton that says a lot of the same things your Early Childhood adviser did.

We're going to have the parent to parent conference thing...stay tuned.
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romburgundy
Re:Out of control toddler
9 Months, 1 Week ago
We are having a similar situation with our 4 year old its more of a general non compliance though wich was a major issue in his day care class. we recently pulled him out to a different day care(wich he loves)and Mom switched her work schedule so the kids are only at daycare for 3 hours. non the less he is still not listening at all and again same as your case his words are in commands and yelling tone wich wears on us real quick.
Last Edit: 2011/05/04 01:46 By romburgundy.
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chris_f
Re:Out of control toddler
9 Months, 1 Week ago
Here's the update...my son is going to be taken to a developmental pediatrician to make sure he doesn't have anything physical going on. For example, there's the possibility that he's dealing with sensory overload, issues processing information, or other things that would cause him stress and impair his abilities to function in unfamiliar groups or follow direction.

He's a smart kid -- memorizing his preschool classmates name and can recite them forwards and backwards.

He's so young that most doctors are wary about giving any sort of life-affecting diagnosis, and I'm wary of that too..but an advisor said to give him controlled situations where he's forced to deal with that which makes him uncomfortable and see the positive in it.

I guess the route we are taking with him is twofold now -- treating any physical maladies that may be contributing to his bad behavior and treating the mental maladies contributing to his behavior (which may be a simple as being a stubborn kid).

The reward thing ended up sucking, he copped an attitude where he wouldn't do anything unless there was a reward involved -- and then just started asking for rewards after doing nothing!

I'll keep folks posted.
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romburgundy
Re:Out of control toddler
9 Months, 1 Week ago
Hope things work well for you guys.

It certainly looks like you have all bases covered and are not leaving anything to chance.
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Daddy Clay
Re:Out of control toddler
9 Months, 1 Week ago
Do keep us posted. I think you are taking a great approach. Others can learn from this. Hang in there, Chris.
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groovedaddy
Re:Out of control toddler
2 Months, 4 Weeks ago
My little guy is coming up on 3 now and has a 3 months old baby sister. He's been almost too great with her, wanting to cuddle and give her goodnight kisses and occasionally we have to remind him to be gentle.

Then yesterday happened. We were all in the playroom with the baby resting in a beanbag chair and our son tossing a ball and running to pick it up, when he suddenly, and for no reason, grabbed the baby and started shaking/shoving her around. We leapt into 'team-parent' mode and separated themand he got his time-out (4 minutes), and apologized. But we're wondering what could have brought this on?
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