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TOPIC: when to share the news?
 

bjames
when to share the news?
12 Months ago
Hi all - potential first time father here. Just passed the pregancy test (four times) last week. So I hit the library and got the book (or 6). I read about not telling people until after the first trimester, but our situation is a little more complicated. We will be seeing her parents and my parents (divorced, so seperate locales) in three different weekends. They are about weeks 9, 10, and 11. We don't have ny family that lives near us, so this is really our only chance to share the big news. What is everyone's thoughts on the risks of sharing at those opportunities? I should add that we have an appt. set up with the OG/GYN at week 8.
Thanks!!
Brian
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Daddy Clay
Re:when to share the news?
12 Months ago
Not telling is, of course, all about the risk of miscarriage. It's not something people really want to talk about, but it does happen, and statistically is most likely to happen in the first trimester, though it can happen at any point during the pregnancy.

Not telling spares you the pain of having to go back to relatives you have informed of the pregnancy to let them know about a miscarriage.

That said, breaking the news to future grandparents (particularly for the first child) can be a memorable moment of shared joy. If you have only that moment to share the news in person, I might be willing to take the risk in order to have that moment.
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roger_pdx
Re:when to share the news?
12 Months ago
We waited till after our 20 week ultrasound.
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seanonymous
Re:when to share the news?
12 Months ago
The miscarriage risk is about 1 in 4 in the first trimester, so you really don't want to announce to the whole world until you've cleared that point.

We shared the news in waves, using a hierarchical approach:

First the parents, because otherwise you're in big trouble.

Next, close friends - these folks are likely to find out anyway, since your wife (and you, if you're an awesome dad-to-be) will be passing on drinks and such, and if the unthinkable does happen, these are the people you'll turn to for support.

If your wife takes part in any kind of contact sport or martial art, her friends in that group will find out by necessity.

Finally, once the second trimester arrives, you can tell all the out-of-town friends, co-workers, and those people you friended on Facebook even though you haven't spoken in years.

Oh, and DadLabs. Don't forget to tell DadLabs. But I see you've got that covered.
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DaddyRoger
Re: when to share the news?
11 Months, 3 Weeks ago
There are two sorts of announcements one to your close family like parents and siblings I would go ahead and tell right away and tell them to keep it a secret. I had to tell my family in 3 different timezones and in 2 countries. We had a 4 way chat online.

The second to the whole world I would wait till the end of first trimester. Don't worry too much about miscarriages I believe worrying only makes things worse. If the worst happens you will need support from your core family because it will be hard to handle it all alone.

Just make sure your core group can keep a secret. With social media and sharing these days it only takes a second to post on your wall and they whole (Your friends) will know. I went to the extreme of disabling posting to my wall during this period. I also had to delete a post to my wall before I did this.
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