I have always been pretty good at dealing with stress, but now that I am faced with more responsibilities than I have ever encountered I am fucking stressed. I am suddenly the only one earning an income. Also, I am running into bureaucratic bullshit at school as I rush to get my bachelors before the end of the year.<br><br>The most brain paralyzing part is just the enormity of having a child. I want to raise my son as well as possible, avoid all these harmful things and nurture his brain development. I want to be there for him, have a strong relationship, all the things I didnt get from my father. It seems like mom's role is built in -- be nurturing, breastfeed, etc.<br><br>It seems too easy to make a mistake, like praise him wrong (nymag.com/news/features/27840/index4.html). There are so many things that I am unable to do, like start a college fund or take full paternity leave because I just cant afford it. There is some guilt for not managing my money better in the past or, say, having started my bachelors a year earlier. I have stopped looking at a lot of blogs about baby stuff because they feature ridiculously expensive baby shit that I will never be able to afford.<br><br>Do any of you feel the same way? Is this just because I am to be a new parent? I feel like suddenly two other lives depend solely on me whereas a few months ago I was only responsible for myself. This is terrifying. How do you deal with mind numbing, gut wrenching stress like this?

RELAX! It certainly can be overwhelming, but take it one day at a time. You are certainly not alone. You can't change the past, so focus on what you have to do NOW in regards to financial management. I felt the same terror, but believe me, it's worth it. For me, the terror melts away when I look into my sons eyes. I still have stressful days, but they're much easier to deal with. While 2 other people do depend on you, I believe my focus is the child. Mom is an adult and could take care of herself if ever necessary, but you may not want to say that outloud. <br><br>Don't worry about the high end gear and gadgets. You can find perfectly good substitutes at WallyWorld, Target, and even eBay and Craiglist (sometimes even the real deal at a great price if you don't mind used). I love checking out the gadgets, but know I'll never own most of them, but don't let that bother you. Your son does not need a $500 stroller. Seriously. Check out Uncle Sutts discussion about usage of crap. It will certainly lend some insight to what's helpful and what's not.<br><br>You'll figure out what/how to teach your son to be a good person. Lead by example, teach him love and tolerance. The fact that you are thinking about all of this shows that you want to be a good Dad. It'll be a tough gig, but I think it's absolutely the best job ever. Take care and stick with the Labs, lots of good Dads (and Moms) here to offer advice and share experiences. So take a deep breath, relax and hang in there!

I know I certainly felt the weight of the world on my shoulders before our kid was born, and maybe even more so after she was born. In my opinion, it's something that most(?) good Dads go through but no one ever focuses on or talks about. I think the very fact that you are worried about it and feel the weight of responsibility bearing down on you is proof positive that you will be an excellent and engaged Dad. The fact is that being a Dad IS a brand new enormous responsibility. I would be more concerened if you did NOT feel a little extra stress right now!<br><br>I also think this happens regardless of financial situation. My wife and I do OK for oursevles, but that didn't stop me from stressing out about the possibility of a sudden loss of income or some other imagined financial calamity. I don't believe for a moment that more income or a more stable job makes a person stress out any less. In fact, there are quite a few studies showinng just the opposite.<br><br>Don't worry about all the baby gear. Having all of the high end baby gear is definitely NOT an indicator of good parents! So far, I have not seen a single person on on DadLabs that I would describe as a bad parent. So, if you're here on DadLabs, chances are you've got what it takes!

I would say that late pregnancy, and the first six months after the baby is born is the most stressful time of a married guy's life. And there is absolutely no magic cure. A lot of what it takes is remembering that you are committed to being a good husband and dad, with the knowledge that this will all be better in just a few months -- and it does get better! I've been through the same pattern three times. You really just have to keep your head down and plow ahead for a little while.<br><br>The most important thing, when it comes to being a good dad: practice. You have to be a dad as often as possible -- not in terms of having tons of kids -- but in terms of the amount of time you spend with your kids. Time with your kids -- tons of it -- hours of it -- entire days of it, is what will determine how happy they will be. This does have to do with money. You may have to have less of it to be a really good dad. You may need to pass on a better job, if it requires you to travel. You may have to put bucking for a promotion be being the last to leave the office on hold for a while. Worth it.<br><br>Around here we say purchasing is not parenting -- as a way of saying that stuff is not what makes a difference with raising kids. Of course purchasing wisely is a part of being a good parent. But stuff, ultimately, is irrelevant to your child's happiness and/or success (whatever that means).<br><br>Brought to you by BabyBjorn.

Quit thinking so much and wake up in the present moment. Let go of all your preconcieved I-shoulda's, what-ifs, and burdening expectations. Experiance where you are right now the best way you can. When you work, work. When you study, study. When you dad, dad. When you husband, husband. When you plan for the future, plan. To arrive you must successfully negotiate now without the mental baggage that will hinder your ability to experiance it. Negotiating everything will become easier, even when something is unexpected. The hard will become fond memories and now will become what you want it to be. So relax. Clear your head and enjoy now. This is the path of Zen Fatherhood.<br><br>And don't think mom's roll is built in. My advice is the same for her. She's probably as wrecked as you right now and probably needs calm support from you.

How to deal with the stress? Notice beer in every video here. No, really, every person has to be offered and partake in healthy avenues of release, without them, were doomed to our self-destruction under the weight of a totally new life and/or lifestyle. The fact that 2 are riding me instead of one, only motivates me to work safer and harder to maintain what I have/secure our future. That's all one can do I guess.<br><br>Bri-

Uncle Sutts touches on a good point. I find that have a wife and kid is an excellent motivator to working smarter, harder, and more efficiently in a shorter amount of time. New Dads might actually find that kids are *good* for the career.....fear is a hell of a motivator.

Scott, you are not alone, it's a crazy time especially right before the first one gets here. I am stressing a bit over # 3, especially since the economy is in the toilet and dadlabs only pays me in beer and i've already done this a couple of times. Try and relax a bit, you are going to be fine because you are already demonstrating the number one quality a successful new dad needs to exhibit ( You want to be a good dad!) Keep preparing as you are, but make sure you are able to enjoy the miracle that's about to happen. And don't worry about all the expensive baby stuff, there is ton's out there you don't really need, stick with the basics and definitely check out the gently used stores.

First off, RELAX and take a deep breath, you are not alone. I've had my bouts of stressful moments when realized that beyond just We're having a baby to oh my freakin' god I'm going to be a parent and have to take care of this small person for the rest of my life! As time moves closer to the due date I feel my heart beat a bit faster and my gut wrenches a bit tighter. I don't know if there is a way to deal with it other than you just do it. Humans have been doing this for many years now and they managed to get through it as shall we. Yes it's time to grow up a bit but also try to visualize spending time with your lil guy and all the fun things you get to do and teach him.

Purchasing is not parenting I really like the sound of that statement. A child will have far better memories of playing catch with their dad than a new-battery-sucking toy that migrates to the bottom of the toy box in a week.

Hey guys, thank you for all of the help. I am feeling a lot better. The past couple weeks have been full of stress from all different directions: school, work, home, baby, and family.<br><br>Izzy's advice to work when I'm at work and plan when i am planning made me realize that I feel it the worst when I am sitting at work and thinking about money, school, etc. Trying to focus on all of these things at once makes me ineffective at all of them. So I am trying to think only about work from 9-5 (even to the point of not coming to Dadlabs). This helps a lot. Thanks Izzy.

Not coming to DadLabs while at work! Sacrilege! That's a harsh sacrifice right there alone. Hang in there. You'll be fine. You got this.

Whoa... I put the breaks on at not visiting Dad Labs... =)<br><br>I'm in a similar position. One full time job, a small part time gig on side, part time school to change careers (becoming a nurse so I can stop my long daily commute and spend more time at home with the fam), wife and 8 month old. Tack on other perfectly normal daily responsibilities and the simplest tasks seem like iron weights stacked on your head. If you can't focus on what you are doing at the moment, whatever it is you are doing suffers. I can't function that way so over the years I practiced my focus. My personal fav is sleep. When it's time to go to bed, it's time to shut off everything else going on so I can sleep soundly as I can (with only minor interruptions when my son wakes up and I need to tend to him) and get the rest I need for the next day. Even my dreams are better and I only get the not finished my homework dream once in a very long time. Plus so far all my work gets done quickly and I can move on to the next thing.<br><br>Appearently I got so good at it my wife gets mad at me and constantly asks me why I don't seem concerned about all the things going on. I am, but whatever it is will come regardless and am better at dealing with it. She's a worrier and so needs constant cincere reassurance. But she really gets mad when I'm watching the game on TV and I'm so focused on the game that I don't hear her... but I think that's just male genetics at work.

That's just selective hearing. It comes with the ring.

I essentially can echo everything you wrote in your post!<br><br>Some of you have written about while at work, work and that having a child may actually make you better in your profession...I have certainly experienced this! I am finding that I am more focused at work, more effective, and more efficient!<br><br>I have always loved teaching 8th graders English; however, I am finding that my joy is increasing as is my pedagogy improving.<br><br>Could it possibly be that, with my wife vomiting and feeling horribly, work is the only thing that I can control?