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Expectant/Newborn Dads

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TOPIC: Look, up in the sky! A bird? A plane? Nope, it's the inlaws.

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uncle_sutts

Look, up in the sky! A bird? A plane? Nope, it's the inlaws.
3 Years, 10 Months ago

As an expectant father of our first, my nervousness on the jittery-richter scale is probaby banging in at or around 5.5 at this point. Low and behold the mother of all buzz-kills is upon us. Turns out both sets of inlaws will be staying in town for about a month after the birth, and they're making a play here and there to see whose going to stay with us. Given our love of camping and outdoorsmanship, we have plenty of tents and Coleman stoves to go around, she however does not see my point of view, although a good one it is, I think anyway. She also disagrees with putting them all in the same tent and then making a reality show out of the entire affair, oh man I would so enjoy this. How does one pick and choose with such dire consequences known to be had down the road? I have pretty much abandoned all scientific methodology and resorted to top-shelf spirits and rock-paper-scissors. Any ideas on how to avoid a Godzilla vs. Mothra situation?

Last Edit: 2009/04/16 05:51 By .

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david2

Re: Look, up in the sky! A bird? A plane? Nope, it's the inlaws.
3 Years, 10 Months ago

Is there any way that they could stagger their visits? I mean really, you shouldn't need that much attention. I would say who ever will see the kid more (ie lives closer) should come later. But if have to, you can play the you are the favorite and we would like you to come last card. I would hope you would be able to reason with one set of the parents and figure out some sort of compromise so you aren't overrun by grandparents.

Last Edit: 2009/04/16 05:51 By .

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Daddy Clay

Re: Look, up in the sky! A bird? A plane? Nope, it's the inlaws. 3 Years, 10 Months ago
I'm with David -- beg to stagger. I think that her mom gets the early bid, and most will understand that new mom wants her own mother around when the recovery is the most personal and about her physical recovery. Stagger, and you can double the period of time when you have help around. We did it this way for all three, and it was a solid solution.

Last Edit: 2009/04/16 05:51 By .

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concretin_nik

Re: Look, up in the sky! A bird? A plane? Nope, it's the inlaws.
3 Years, 10 Months ago

Yep, less help LONGER is a great idea. You don't need everyone at one time. And you need to be learning your own family's dynamic. We had her Mom stay with us for a week... and it was GREAT! She helped do all of the things I was neglecting (household chores) yet still had plenty of grandma time with the munchkin. I agree that her Mom is probably going to get preference... but you could always make THEM sort it out, within given parameters. (example: Only ONE of you can stay at the house, and only for one week at a time.) Just explain that you (and your wife) have more important things to worry about... But you might be able to sell the reality show... get an early start on the college fund.

Last Edit: 2009/04/16 05:51 By .

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uncle_sutts

Re: Look, up in the sky! A bird? A plane? Nope, it's the inlaws.
3 Years, 10 Months ago

Okay, the less help linger thing is great, I'm all for it. I tossed it out to the lions and I got eaten. They all want to be here. I may have to break out the dandelion wine during negotiations or there might even be fist-to-cuffs goin on. I'm at the center of this whole thing and the most convenient to blame... dammit, oh well. I might flip for a short term condo rental if they'll go for it. I'm still tempted to toss them all into one tent, believe you me. Bri-

Last Edit: 2009/04/16 05:51 By .

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sean1

Re: Look, up in the sky! A bird? A plane? Nope, it's the inlaws. 3 Years, 10 Months ago
My opinion: YOU are the Dad (and the Mom), and this is the birth of YOUR new family. Why are you trying to build consensus? Tell the parents: Tough luck, this is how it is. They'll get over it, trust me.

Last Edit: 2009/04/16 05:51 By .

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sean1

Re: Look, up in the sky! A bird? A plane? Nope, it's the inlaws. 3 Years, 10 Months ago
If you don't stagger, you may suffer the dagger....

Last Edit: 2009/04/16 05:51 By .

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sean1

Re: Look, up in the sky! A bird? A plane? Nope, it's the inlaws.
3 Years, 10 Months ago

I would also like to give some more serious advice..... I suggest that you consider setting aside the week after birth as a time for NO grandparents. For us, the grandparents came to the hospital and stayed for a day or two, then they were banished for a week. During this first week, my wife and I found that this was an incredible time for our new family to incubate and for us to realize that our new roles as Mom and Dad were for real. On every day of this week, we made a goofy video of ourselves acting like dopey new parents. When I watch these old videos the best memories come flooding back. After that first week, bring on the grandparents. I'm sure others will disagree, but this was an approach that was wonderful for my wife and I and we are both SO glad we did it this way...

Last Edit: 2009/04/16 05:51 By .

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