I would really like to start a discussion about this with other Dads,(or Moms).

My wife suffers from this and we have gone through it twice now.

Even if it's just to let you know that someone else has gone through this too.

It's definitely something that should not be ignored.

OK so yeah. Your right it shouldn't be ignored.

My wife is going through this also. Things seem to have been on the up side for awhile now so that's good. I think it's one of the most difficult things to have to watch someone go through. I say watch because I felt like there was nothing that I could do to help.


Although I felt helpless I found that there are things husbands can do to help.

Seek help sooner than later. Call her OB at least. Tell them exactly how bad the situation is. They can point you in the right direction to get help.

Also don't take "it's just the baby blues" for an answer if you suspect it could be more. Be an advocate for your wife. I had a hard time getting past the nurse who screens calls for her doctor. We ended up in the emergency room because I didn't like the way things were being handled.

If your employer has an EAP call them. They can set you up with counselors in your area. Although I say this assuming your wife wants help. It was easier for us because my wife knew something wasn't right and begged me to help.

Go with her to the counseling appointments if she wants. You are going through this too in a way. It helped me to have professional advice for what I should or shouldn't do to help.

Ask her OB or counselor if there is a PPD support group in your area. My wife found it extremely helpful just to be heard by someone who really understood what she was going through.

Also don't try and do everything yourself. Ask family to do things around the house at least. You won't be able to help anyone if you burn out.

dadnorth when was your baby born? I hope things can turn around for you guys soon.

It absolutely should not be ignored.

I've had Postpartum OCD twice. Survived both times. It truly was hell and it was hard to admit I needed help.

A good place to find help is through Postpartum Support International. Their website is www.postpartum.net.


I also blog about this topic at www.unexpectedblessing.wordpress.com and have started a dads project at www.postpartumdadsproject.org.

Katherine Stone also blogs exclusively about this topic at www.postpartumprogress.typepad.com.

You can also find online help by Googling Online PPD Support Page. They have a great forum.

I moderate the two message boards @ iVillage regarding this topic - the one for Pregnant & Depressed Mothers as well as the PPD Board.


You are definitely not alone in this and I'm glad you've started this discussion here @ Dad Labs because it is SO worth having.

I wish you and your wife all the best and hope things have been improving for you.

Warmest,
Lauren

My wife has given me permission to tell our story in more detail. We hope that it helps to shed some light on this frightening condition.

The first go round with PPD my wife was in total denial and felt so ashamed that I could not get her to seek help.
I was afraid to go to work and leave her alone with our son. I called her 5 times a day to check on her.
She had had a hard delivery that ended in an emergency c-section, and later developed a post op infection.
All that just added to her PPD symptoms.

With our second, I was retired from the service and working in sales. My job required me to travel most of the day.
One day I came home and had my sobbing wife literally shove our daughter into my face and demand me to take her.

I was trying to balance on the stairs with her pushing me backwards and trying to let go of the baby at the same time. She was so changed and taken over by this condition that she does not remember doing this. That incident scared me into action.

That was when I decided to do something about her PPD. I got her an appointment with our doctor, drove her there and made sure that she talked to her about it. I quit my job to be at home with her and the kids,( I'm now a full time stay at home dad).

I'm glad to say that she got help and with the right treatment for her she recovered.

In both cases it was like having my wife replaced by a stranger. When her hormones returned to normal I would suddenly get my wife back. Oddly enough, her PPD was linked to the hormone levels she was experiencing from breast feeding. When she stopped she returned to her normal self in about 4 weeks.

For us guys, our wive's PPD takes a huge toll on us too. We may be in denial, ashamed, scared or even angry over it. We can even suffer PPD ourselves.
Getiing past the denial and getting help is the key.

As bobjr79 points out, we as dads may have to step up and intervene. He also has some great suggestions about taking some of the load off of mom's shoulders around the house. Going to counselling with your wife can also be extremely helpful to dads as well.

As for my family, my son is turning 4 in 2 weeks my daughter will be 2 in 2 months and we are all doing fine.

As you can see from unexpectedblessing's post there are tons of places on the net that deal with this topic.
There are support groups, clinics, hotlines and friends to turn to in your community.

I hope that by starting this forum that it will show other dads that there is hope and not to ignore this condition.

I also want any of you dads out there suffering through this issue, to know that you are not alone.

Dadnorth I think my wife had a somewhat similar birth experience. I'm not a psychiatrist but I think a big factor in moms who end up with PPD is that they have had a traumatic birth experience causing PTSD also. My wife ended up with severe preeclampsia and an emergency cesarean delivery. Our son was born 5 weeks early and spent a week in the NICU. During that time her BP was still out of control and there was a pulmonary embolism scare mid week. Believe it or not, that's the condensed version! I won't bore/scare anyone with a detailed version.

I think all of that put her at an increased risk and it might have helped to have known that before we left the hospital. I don't know if we could have prevented it or anything but it might have helped us become aware of it sooner.

Also it definitely takes a toll on husbands too. I think it will take me just as long to recover as it does for her. I probably need to look up the dad project that unexpectedblessing started.

Dadnorth,

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm expecting my first child in less than a month. Hopefully my wife won't struggle with PPD, but if she does, it'll be good for me to be on the lookout.

Thanks a ton for sharing this with us. Compelling story. One that dads need to know about.

I sometimes wonder how often PPD is a trigger for dads to become really involved or stay-at-homes. It might be worth a study. I'd be willing to guess that your story is not unique and that academics would find a higher than normal incidence of PPD in families with a SAHD. What do others think of this assertion?

We had our brush with PPD with our oldest. My wife was adamant about natural childbirth from the moment of conception. She wanted a midwife. When our oldest was delivered by emergency C-section almost nine weeks early, it was a shattering experience for her -- the complete antithesis of her vision of childbirth.

She couldn't bring herself to visit the NICU initially, so I handled all the feeding and "kangaroo care" and it was a transformative experience. She eventually visited, but was never comfortable in the NICU. She didn't really recover until the baby started breastfeeding weeks after birth.

I was a SAHD for the first year of his life.

I just wanted to add some of the things that helped us to deal with PPD.

As I mentioned my wife's PPD was linked to her hormone levels after birth. Just knowing that was very helpful when we needed to act.

Another extremely useful idea is to talk to your wife and plan what to do about PPD, before she is pregnant and swimming in hormones.

My wife reminded me that during the PPD she wasn't rational and couldn't make any decisions.

Early on in her second pregnancy we decided that if she was suffering PPD again that she would stop breastfeeding.

I know "breast is best" is pounded into us these days, but two sane parents is better for the child, (and the mother).

Maybe the Dadlabs guys can do a show on this topic with some of their experts?

Thanks for posting these stories and suggestions.

I am a stay at home mom suffering from depression and am trying to get help. My husband is going through this with me, but I don't feel like I'm getting support. My husband tells me that I'm not folowing through on my motherly and wifely duties because I don't clean enough or because I don't have the baby on a proper schedule. My sister tries to help me around the house, but my husband says that she's not my maid, so I don't feel like I have a right to ask for help. My husband won't help around the house because he says that the house is my job now that I stay home.

I have talked with him about how I feel, but he doesn't really seem to "get it". He threatens that if I don't shape up then he will "have to move on". I was on medication for this, but paying for other things became more of a priority than my medicine, so I'm off of it now.

How can I talk to my husband to help him understand what I am going through?

I'm sorry your having such a rough go of it Tamramra. I can understand that the cost of the medication can be too expensive. Maybe your OB knows of a cheaper alternative?

It sounds like your husband might benefit from some counseling too. Does his employer have an EAP? I strongly recommend calling them and trying talk to someone together.

Please don't feel like you don't have the right to ask for help. You are dealing with a serious illness and learning how to be a parent at the same time. If family wants to help that's great. Take them up on it. Your not taking advantage of anyone. Family is supposed support each other, it's what they do.

As for how to talk to him so he "gets it" is the hard part. Maybe ask him to look up and read some information about PPD online. www.postpartumdads.org would be a good place to start. He can maybe read some helpful information under the Mistakes tab.

This is for Tamramra
Sounds like your husband hasn't caught on to the fact that parenting is a 24 hour job and it takes two to make it work.

You have every right to ask for help. Take any help that you can get around the house.

As for the PPD part, it makes it ruff without adding performance pressure from the day to day stuff.

If money is tight right now and you can't get help with the PPD, I would like to suggest talking to your Minister or spiritual advisor. Even if both of you aren't regular church goers, most ministers have formal training as councelors and can be of great help.

Remember that there is help available to you. Don't be afraid to ask. There are groups and forums in most cities. The internet is just one way to find them. They might be in the phone book, or your doctor could know some.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Just wanted to add a little more to the topic.

One of the common fears of parents experiencing PPD is that if they seek help, their children will be taken away from them.

This is so not true.

However during the irrational state of PPD it is a very real fear. My wife was afraid this would happen to us with our first child and didn't want to seek help, even though she felt that something was wrong with her.

Denial is probably the biggest symptom of PPD and the worst obstacle for recovering from it.

From the things that make you ewww file. This story just ran on my local news.


www.fox4kc.com/videobeta/e4eba1ba-c50c-4...-Pills-for-New-Moms-

This video came directly from this discussion thread. Thanks for raising this important issue here.

Thanks guys! That was all good info.

You may also be interested in this documentary (via the Evo of Dad guys):

My wife just said "Maybe it wasn't a good idea to follow up the Dads For My Daughters video with the one on PPD" Here comes Debbie Downer.....Waaa waaaa

Thanks for going to the experts and once again showing that Dadlabs is the best site for dads on the net.

The rapid hormonal changes that accompany pregnancy and delivery may trigger depression. After childbirth, women experience a big drop in estrogen and progesterone hormone levels. Thyroid levels can also drop, which leads to fatigue and depression. These hormone dips—along with the changes in blood pressure, immune system functioning, and metabolism that new mothers experience—can all play a part in postpartum depression. It has been theorized that women who are more sensitive to these hormone imbalances develop postpartum depression.

Women who have just given birth are also dealing with numerous changes, both physical and emotional. They may still be coping with physical pain from the pregnancy and delivery. They may also have difficulties losing the baby weight, leading to insecurities about their physical and sexual attractiveness. In addition to changes to their body, they are also dealing with lifestyle changes. The lifestyle adjustment can be particularly difficult for first time moms, who must get used to an entirely new identity. The stress of caring for a newborn can also take a toll. New mothers are often sleep deprived. In addition, they may feel overwhelmed and anxious about their ability to properly care for their baby. All of these factors can contribute to and trigger postpartum depression.

Drug Rehab

Proud to announce that our third child was born last week and both mom and baby are doing great.

My wife is feeling a little down, but not as bad as the last 2 times. She is also feeling better every day instead of feeling more anxious.

She laughed and said that this was the lowest stress pregnancy she has had.

Glad to see more info coming out on this topic.
Hope it helps.

Congrats, DadNorth!!!

Welcome to the 3 kids club. Really happy to hear that the third time was less stressful. Keep us posted.

Just a quick update on our PPD status after our third baby.

Our daughter is now two months old and is an absolute angel.

My wife was feeling great after 6 weeks and we are all adjusting well to the new addition.

In fact, my wife is going to take care of the kids by herself for the weekend of the 19th so I can ride in the snowmobile "Ride for Dad" with a few of my buddies.

That's great news dadnorth! One of my biggest worries about trying for another baby is another bout with PPD. You give me some hope that it could go smoother next time. Have fun on your ride.

ya it is right...but what is the solution on it.

This post is a reply for nicolelord2.
There are many solutions to PPD and your doctor can help you find the best one for you.
The dadlabs guys went to the experts on this topic and do have a video on it. There is a link to it in daddyclay's reply in this forum. It's really worth watching. Hope that helps to answer your question.