FYI this is my first time ever using a forum... well i find myself having trouble being OK with the fact that i'm going to have to care for and love a second child, my wife is wise to this. I love son and my wife more than anything, but i did not plan on having anymore kids my wife did not share this plan i guess we were still disusing it but before we could come to an agreement my wife got pregnant, i'm trying to feel happy but cant seem to get excited about the new baby all i can do is dwell on the con's, such as more dippers more crying more sleepless nights and less time to myself and less time with just the wife and i think most of all i fear that i could not love this child anywhere near as much as i love my 2 year old son......so if any one out there can shine some light on this please i am all ears. thoughts, advise, is my fear valid can any one relate or .....thanks for raeding

First things first... CONGRATULATIONS! (It's a great thing, really.) And WELCOME to DadLabs! You picked a good forum for your first.

Your concerns about the cons are absolutely valid. Every parent worries about them. Perhaps having already experienced them fairly recently is why they seem a bit harsher to you.

I am actually hoping to have another child, we have one boy who is now 4. I wonder, do you and/or your wife have any siblings yourselves? Are you close to them? I have 2 brothers... I hated them as a kid, but they are my family and 2 of the most awesome and reliable people in my life today. So that is one of the primary reasons I want my son to have a sibling. So he has that family as an adult. Perhaps try to think about that for your son. If you don't have siblings, that's a hard relationship to understand, but trust me, it's fantastic.

The joy(and responsibility) of that first child was so overwhelming and so much more than I anticipated, I can understand not comprehending having the capacity for doubling that love. No doubt it'll be challenging. But I think when you're holding that "new" life in your arms... you'll be just fine.

And think about it this way... in a few years, you'll have not one, but TWO minions!

I'm sure a couple of other Dads here will chime in with their experience with several munchkins...

I was worried about having a second child, too, but for different reasons. Our first was born prematurely and the pregnancy, birth and hospital stay were very traumatic. I didn't think I could handle that again.

After a couple years, my wife convinced me. We now have 3 kids, and I would not have it any other way.

Honestly, the biggest life changes happen with the first kid. Each kid after that has a smaller and smaller impact. So you've made most of the hardest adjustments already.

And each kid bring so much more great stuff -- love, a completely new personality -- that it's almost like the additional kids are an even better investment. More payoff with less cost to you personally.

It's okay and pretty normal to be struggling with this right now. I think most guys go through it. I'm betting when that baby actually get here -- lots of those worries are going to disappear.

Welcome to DadLabs -- and Congratulations.

I'm in the same boat just have a toddler and expecting a newborn in September. Thought I was happy with just the one and my wife tells me we are expecting another! They say fertility goes up after the first one so you get pregnant without realizing it especially if you were trying a bit for the first one. I'm really excited about the the new baby.

thanks for all the replies every one. I'm warming up to the idea of a new baby and reading your post has helped.

As usual, I agree with concretin.

Our first just turned 15 months. Everything about the first was/is awesome; the pregnancy went great, the delivery was quick and great, and the kiddo is the absolute coolest thing in the world.

Now we are 9 weeks pregnant with #2. Contrary to our original plan, I ended up being a stay at home dad. I'm too preoccupied cooking, feeding, cleaning, and in general losing my Mojo (I pretty much hate my life now) to get excited about the 2nd pregnancy.

I know concretin is right: once the kiddo pops out and I hold the little one in my hands, I will love it, and yadda yadda yadda, but I can certainly see how you feel.

I guess while the others can offer advice, I'm simply saying you are not alone. Best of luck.

I have a three year old and our youngest turns one this month. I remember what you are feeling very clearly. I was so worried about all of the things that you mentioned that I thought "this can't be a good idea".

It took several months for me to be okay with the pregnancy and then several more to actually be happy about it. Now almost a year later I can't imagine not having both our girls. Seeing the big smiles from both girls when I get home and watching my three year old interact with the youngest. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

It is terrifying at first and there will be adjustments and sacrifices, but they are more than worth it.

Monztro,

I have an 8-month-old & we're expecting our 2nd in September--similar to T.Low & Roger! I totally get how you're worried, in particular since you weren't 'on board' this time around; that makes a difference.

My wife & I were on board for both. We conceived relatively quickly both times, and both pregnancies were/are hell for my wife w/wicked 24/7 nausea & all the associated maladies. In fact, toward the end of the 1st pregnancy, my wife was pretty sure she'd not repeat, but here we are.

My wife works & I'm a full time Dad. that means I'm carrying more of the parenting load. [My wife is a great helper & adviser, I should add.] In my experience I've found that the quantity of work can be drastically minimized just by being organized, much more than I would have guessed. Every kid is different--really--and some are simply more work than others. But by staying on top of tasks, & staying ahead of your kid's needs, you can get into a rhythm that is manageable.

For example, I developed a schedule where I can workout on weekday mornings. I take my son to the local YMCA where they have baby sitting for 90 minutes at a time. They love him there & it gives me a good hour to sweat it out, plus manage the various logistics. It's a win-win. To manage it I take him after his morning feeding, & his morning nap kicks in on the drive home. The workout is great for my physical and mental health & gets me out of the house daily.

So it's all doable. I just have patience with myself, and always look for ways to save time & effort. By lessening the burden, you may lessen your concerns.

Hope this helps,

Steven