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TOPIC: Kicking around the SAHD idea

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ProfJJ

Kicking around the SAHD idea
1 Year, 5 Months ago

OK, here is the deal:

I'm finishing my PhD in Literature and it is taking a LONG TIME. We have our first coming any day now and my wife makes more then I do at my part-time professor gig... PLUS, our kid will have Cystic Fibrosis and the doctors suggested "limiting" daycare time to avoid early illnesses.

So, even though I have been in graduate school for a decade, would like to focus and get finished, and love what I do, it makes sense for me to be a SAHD.

I don't think I will have the pride or identity issues that are so often spoken of when discussing the SAHD situation, but what are some other issues? My wife WILL have seperation jealousy, I WILL want to continue my research so I can finish the degree, and our family/support systems are limited by distance... What do you guys have to say?

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Daddy Clay

Re:Kicking around the SAHD idea
1 Year, 5 Months ago

Hey ProfJJ

My experience as a SAHD was brief, but I would not trade it for anything. I was finishing up an MFA in Playwriting and my wife had a good job. I had a couple small commissions and a fellowship to keep writing for a year, so it just made perfect sense. The biggest mistake I made was in estimating how much work I would get done in the first six months. I was completely exhausted at the end of the day -- without much creative energy. So I blew a few deadlines.

But I don't regret a minute of it. My son was a preemie and took some extra care at first, but by the time the next school year rolled around, I took a part time teaching job. The following year I was full time and we've been a dual-career family ever since (though my wife now makes more money than I do).

While you may take a career hit, I feel confident that you will never regret your decision to stay at home for a period of time, especially given the medical situation. I hope that you will keep posting at DL about your experiences along the way.

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ben

Re:Kicking around the SAHD idea
1 Year, 5 Months ago

I think you're in a good position. You'll be accomplishing something in your time without a paycheck. It is hard to get things done until the sleep/attention deficit is overcome. But if you can do some good time management, you should do well. Get an ItzBeen Timer to keep track of feedings and diaper changes. Women just seem to know. Dads need some help. Plus the technology is good for self-esteem. What it mostly does is help you stay aware of how much time you have before a diaper change or feeding is imminent. Dealing with a grumpy baby takes longer than one who has been beaten to the punch. That buys valuable time.

Know that other Stay at Home Dads will say that it gets harder. It's not true. It's tough the whole way through. I found my favorite times to be when my first son was slightly mobile, just starting to walk, during the summer, when I could take him places and let him run a little bit and know I could catch him. For nearly a year, we've not been able to go anywhere and it's killing me slowly. Having two under 3 with the toddler completely lit up 80% of the time has made the job a sentence. We're working on that, though. So just take advantage of the opportunities to do normal stuff as often as possible. That will make it a lot more fun.

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