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Divorced Dads

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TOPIC: Any Advice for a Divorced Dad?

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BearDad

Any Advice for a Divorced Dad?
2 Years, 7 Months ago

I am hoping that someone out there will have some advice and/or feedback for me. I am a divorced dad. My ex-wife and I have two children together, a 21 year-old daughter and a 17 year-old son.

Lately, I have been struggling with our son. He has fallen in with a bad crowd. He has been struggling in school (1.72 GPA). And, he has been experimenting with drugs and alcohol. I suspect that he has been selling drugs as well. I tried to "lay down the law" with him and set limits. He did not appreciate me limiting his freedom, so he has moved in with his mother full-time (even though we are to share custody). She is in denial. She asserts that our son is "doing very well" refuses to enforce any rules or regulations.

I have met with a specialist who suggested sending our son to a "Wilderness Camp" or a similar "alternative" summer program to get him on the straight and narrow before it is too late. Not surprisingly, my ex is resisting this route and refuses to meet with the specialist or even discuss this option.

Has anyone out there gone through a similar situation and can give me some advice for how to handle this tough situation? Any advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!
Bear

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Daddy Troy

Re:Any Advice for a Divorced Dad? 2 Years, 7 Months ago
Hey Bear, While I only have younger kids, I did work with high schoolers for fifteen years. For what it is worth, my opinion is that a specialist is the way to go. The dilemma will be first getting all three parties to agree, and then finding one that suits all styles. Hope everything works out ok. Troy

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Dadof2teens

Re:Any Advice for a Divorced Dad?
1 Year, 11 Months ago

I know this is an old thread. I just had to chime in on the outside chance someone else could be helped by this.
I am a 'Divorced Dad'. I also work with Dads of all status as a parenting resource. I hear this common story every day.
First - the main and key issue is 'communication'. Getting all of you in one place at one time is the ideal scenario. The sad thing is that is likely not possible and part of the reason things unravelled in the first place.
Regardless - moving forward, for anyone who needs the help. It is critical if you can not effectively 'co-parent' right now that you either get some training (we have a class in Southern Maine called 'Kids First' - there are others). The training helps show you how to keep the kids needs and challenges in the forefront while not using the child(ren) as tools for manipulation. The other downfall many fall into is focusing on what the other parent needs to do - SORRY, You can not go there!
Usually children act like this because there are 2 sets of diametrically opposed (or somewhat confused) sets of rules. The child is confused and becomes insecure. A fight or flight mentality is adopted and the child has to take over because they have no other visible choice.
While getting professional help for the child is probably a good idea - if the 2 parents cannot communicate on an effective corrective path the success rate will be low.

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