By Daddy Clay January 14th, 2008

Last week I read Bubba’s report card, and it said to me, “You’re working too much.” The grades were down, not sharply, but noticeably. In her comments, his teacher tried to allay our fears, but no use, my wife and I spiraled immediately down into the dank, vermin-infested dungeon of working-parent guilt.

For years, the pattern was, I work 8-3ish, come home, do homework with kid or kids, dinner, bath, bedtime, second shift from 9pm – ?. But I have found that since turning 40, it just gets harder and harder to belly up to the keyboard and punch the clock for the late-night session. So in compensation, my clockout time at DadLabs has been creeping back. Net loss of tutoring time with kiddo. Hence grades.

Add to that, the pressure of friends and the call of outdoors, and the need to provide an actual childhood. Ideologically, I believe that kids are over-scheduled, that they need time to just play and be kids. When a friend comes to the door, my immediate impulse is to send the kid out. But looking at the report card, one of my first thoughts; “Wow, the admissions committee (at the private school where my wife works) is going to look at these grades next year.”

I’m thinking about ADMISSIONS! I’m becoming one of THOSE?! Time to pull the kid out of class so we can go sniff glue together all day.

I know that most of you couples have two careers (78% according the latest study I’ve seen). I know that my neighborhood with its guilt-magnifying, study-defying, over-abundance of stay-at-homes is not representative. But I am at a loss and submerged in guilt.

When do your kids have their homework time? Do you feel they need adult supervision (Bubba is 4th grade, maybe I need to let him shoulder more of the responsibility here)? Does two-working parents necessitate some kind of after-school, after-care study time? How to you deal with the guilt of having the kid in school from 8-5?

Maybe I’m just late to the juggle – my apologies if you are having a “duh” moment at my expense, but do please share your experience.

I’ll check comments tonight after the kids go to bed, ’cause I’m outta here.

Tags: bubba, grades, homework, report card, School
Posted in School

By Daddy Clay January 10th, 2008

Ah, okay, now I get it. This is jetlag. So tired that I’m kind of dizzy. Disoriented. Loopy. Hard to believe it’s the the NEXT FREAKIN’ DAY?! Somebody please mark my sleeping on international flights strategy FAIL. It didn’t help that the college dude and dudette realized they were soul mates in the seats right behind me by talking for Seven. Straight. Hours. I wanted to turn around and ask them to just f#*k and get it over with, so I could get some peace and quiet. Grumpy and jealous/old feeling is not a good combo.

We managed to get checked in and cleaned up in time to walk around and notice that this place is Bugaboo City. Strollers and bike seats are everywhere, and so are the dads with their kids. Troy got a year’s worth of b-roll in about 10 minutes. Amazing.

The first event was a lunch/lecture/discussion with Peter Orn, one of the men that comprised the “Dad Committee” that helped shape the current Swedish family leave policy. We will do a show on this topic to air in July, but the basic outline is that every family is given 480 days of government subsidized family leave — starting at 80% of pay and stepping down over time — with 60 days earmarked only for use by the dad — to be used before the kid turns 8. (If you have thoughts, I started a discussion on the community.)

We leave in less than an hour for a trip to the “Ice Bar” and then a cruise around the “Archepilogo.” I probably will not make it to post about tonight.

I feel very strange.

Tags: paternity leave, peter orn, strollera, sweden
Posted in DadLabs, Travel

By Daddy Clay January 4th, 2008

My friend Daddy John over at BlogTalkRadio was pretty pumped up a few weeks back when he was contacted by the folks at BusinessWeekTV. They were interested in talking to him about his life as a work-at-home dad, and the dads group he pulled together in his New Jersey neighborhood. Here at DadLabs, we’re always excited when we hear about mainstream media covering the change in fatherhood, even when it’s not about us. It’s better if it’s about us. But we were excited anyway because John is a cool guy and a seriously committed dad.

The segment that BusinessWeek produced was good, if somewhat behind the curve (Old TeeVee). Still just a hint of surprise that guys would be interested in staying home with the kids. Just a whiff of “Offbeat News” about the whole thing, but overall a balanced and boring look at the challenges of balancing family and career for modern dads. Plus there were lots of shots of John’s cute kids tearing up his sofa.

Everything was fine until right at the end. After putting a tag on the story, the weasel/anchor drops an offhand comment that completely undoes whatever good this segment had managed (how many people watch BusinessWeekTV?). In a moment of what can only be described as utter douchebaggery, dude pulls back the veil on what primary caregiver dads are up against. Please watch this video all the way to the end to engage your indignation reflex.

The dumbass should have read this article about the work of University of Texas Psychiatry Professor Aaron Rochlen. Right here in the DadLabs’ back yard, Rochlen has been carrying on research looking into the impact that cultural norms and stereotypes are having on stay-at-home dads. His results on the satisfaction and happiness of these dads is interesting, to say the least.

I think that the implications of the study have broader application. Every dad out there that is taking an active role, making career compromises and sacrifices, nurturing, can relate to the forces described in the article.

I’m going to meet with Dr. Rochlen next week to interview him for a feature I am writing for Fit Pregnancy (I know, I know, I’m neither fit nor pregnant). My hidden agenda: convince the good doctor that DadLabs is no threat to his professional standing, and lure him into the studio for an interview.

Tags: blogs, businessweek, interview, radio, tv
Posted in DadLabs

By Daddy Clay January 1st, 2008

This resolution has been made easier by the fact that both of our TVs have died in the last two weeks.

The first to go was our 12-year-old 32’ Zenith that my wife and I bought for our first apartment. The picture had grown to be mostly orange and the faces were all smeary. At the end, the cops on Law and Order looked like Oompa-Loompas. RIP Zenith, you served well.

Not so with the 36’ Sony WEGA HD that I bought in a moment of dual-income-only-two-kids enthusiasm. It has about the same cubic footage and curb weight as a Kia. My wife about had an aneurism when Circuit City delivered a box the size of our bedroom. Back before we closed in the carport, we all crowded into a tiny bedroom and watched with our knees about four inches from the screen. It looked like an Imax from that range.

But after only four and a half years, it’s dead as a stump. Four years! I sprung for the name brand (but not the extended warranty) because it was sure to last. At the risk of sounding like a fogey, do televisions really only live four years these days? The TV repair guy says it’s $350 to fix. Last Sony I ever buy.

Today, I have undertaken a serious downgrade of my household televisions.

I shopped without consulting CNET or Consumer Reports. Quality was not a serious consideration – just some basic specs, screen size, resolution, preference for LCD. A quick look at Mpire to get a sense for market prices, and I went promptly to Costco.com. I’m going cheap – from bigger to smaller, from name brand to off brand. I settled on a 32’ Digital Research LCD ($499 +$30S&H) and a 26’ Envision LCD ($399, free S&H). Two sets, LCD, less than a grand, delivered. Done and done.

This is exactly what the repairman told me not to do, but I don’t get paid $75 to show up and do nothing but shake my head.

Okay , you TV geeks, tell me what an idiot I am for going cheap. What would you have done? Gone to all AM radio? Leveraged the house for the 73’ Mitsubishi? Nothing like a good round of post-purchase woulda-coulda-shoulda.

So, the way I look at it, with the decreased screen estate in the house, we watch less TV even if we put in the same hours on the sofa.

I am going to compensate by boosting my hours watching fine online television programming.

Tags: new years, shopping, sony, tv
Posted in Tech