In my most recent experience, a quick read of a piece in a major national newspaper nearly resulted in: one car crash, one house fire, and several lacerations.

The column in question was of the kind that makes you feel inadequate. (There are only two kinds. The other kind is usually written by a bumbler about his or her parenting misadventures, inducing the reader to feel smug and superior. Sorry for making you feel so inadequate all these years.) The author opined that she was sick of her kids just doing all the dishes, she wanted them to graduate to preparing entire meals for the family.

Suffice it to say, our expectations of the kids contributions to mealtime preparation and cleanup is somewhat less then that. Completely less. The amount of less that is the hallmark of the inadequate parent.

With my wife away on business, I decided to try a new recipe for family dinner as a whole. Tasks were assigned: I would grill marinated steaks and veggies, oldest boy would make Caesar Salad, middle girl on pesto pasta, youngest on yogurt and fresh berries for dessert. Sounds good, right?

Except that in the middle of food and grill prep, a ride home from a playdate fell through, therefore, because timing is everything in cooking, I almost became a smear on a nearby freeway, an episode took place with my gas grill that I refuse to discuss in detail because of certain clauses in my renter’s insurance, and I returned home to find my 7-year-old using a meat cleaver on the strawberries instead of the butter knife I suggested (it worked better).

I guess the final result wasn’t utter disaster. My kids patronize me when I cook, and I adore them for it. They also have high regard for their own skills and accomplishments in the kitchen. The result: clean plates all around.

So regardless of whether reading this has left you feeling inadequate or smug, make a meal with your kids tonight. It’s delicious.

Miranda and I are taking over the DadLabs Live Show on February 15 at 2pm CST/ 3pm EST.  We are calling it the “DadLabs Virtual Baby Shower Live Show”.

Miranda and I have been fortunate to already receive such great products from Baby Bjorn, like the Babysitter Balance, Baby Carrier Air and Spirit, Soft Bib, Dishes, Travel Crib.

The items that we still need are as listed:

Infant Car Seat

Infant Stroller

Diaper Pail

Breast Pump

Hip and stylish Diaper Bag that will make a dad look awesome.

Infant Vacuum Cleaner…no wait, that’s not a real item…yet

Here’s the cool part about the “DadLabs Virtual Baby Shower Live Show”:  Whatever Miranda and I receive on the Live Show, we are giving away the same thing to a lucky viewer.  Now, I don’t know how many of you have been to a baby shower where you get gifts too, but that sounds like the perfect place to be.  So, we are inviting you to watch and win on the DadLabs Virtual Baby Shower Live Show” on February 15th.  http://www.ustream.tv/channel/dadlabs

Why? Why would anyone do that? Especially a guy with a busy family?

I’ve heard a lot of dads (and some moms) try to answer this question. None have been all that satisfying to me. My own attempts to answer, perhaps representative, are no less so.

Obvious (non) answer: Marathon training. Okay. Again. Why?

Sanctimonious answer: To raise money and awareness for my cause.

Meh. While both Hand to Hold and Colin’s Hope are amazing charities that deserve whatever money and attention Team DadLabs can generate (I wish it was more: donate here), that’s not even remotely an honest answer. For me, anyway. There are some people performing athletic feats that garner media attention that might actually benefit a cause, but over half a million people completed a marathon last year. Mine will not be in any way remarkable, I hope. It’s not about the charity.

Smug answer: To model for my kids that you can accomplish even seemingly impossible tasks through discipline and perseverance.

Nah. Though my oldest son has taken careful note of my training. He and I have found a great topic of shared conversation — shoes, workouts, gear. He seems to be proud of what I’m doing. My daughter is mostly mortified that I sometimes wear running tights to drive carpool (I never get out of the car, but she is nevertheless utterly horrified). My youngest likes that I’m gone on weekend mornings so he can play Skylanders, undisturbed. I think that some positive impact on my kids might be a consequence, but it’s not about the offspring.

Self-pitying answer: To compensate for my sacrifice of all exercise when my children were little.

Pure bullshit. I didn’t feel like running in my 30s. It seemed narcissistic and shallow. Sitting was more comfortable. The kids made me laugh. All good. Maybe having babies around for all those years lowered my testosterone like the studies show. I also thought being fat was kind of funny. It fit with my teacher gig. It’s not about making up for lost time.

Semi-honest answer: Vanity.

I like long-term challenges. I geek out on the data, training plans, gear. I like solitude and have found a genuine pleasure in the longer runs. Pinning on a number and standing in a starting gate is an adrenaline rush, even if you know you’re busting ass for 1462nd place. I like that it’s helped me lose weight.

Given that semi-honestly you may ask: Is it legit for a dad to pursue and almost entirely vain pursuit that consumes 10+ hours a week? Especially one that is far from risk free? I’d say the balance sheet is pretty good. Despite sketchy motives, I’ll still raise a bit of change for a good cause (come on, people), set a reasonably good example for the kids, and lose weight. As long as I continue to do 80-90% of my training while everyone is asleep, I think I can claim “no harm, no foul.”

And the fact that this all feels just the slightest bit defensive. That’s cool, right?

Every so often I do my marathon training runs in the late afternoon and early evening right before dinner.  As the winter weather in Austin has been delightful of late, my eldest son Walker has accompanied me on his bike for many of these jaunts and it has turned into a great father son activity.  We usually leave our house around 5 pm when the light is nice and many others in our neighborhood are out jogging, walking or enjoying the magic hour on their front porches and front yards.

Surprisingly, during certain runs over the past several weeks Walker and I have received a fair share of strange comments or what appeared to be overly enthusiastic encouragement.  It was a little odd but nothing too over the top.  There was the gentleman who chided “nice tattoos.”  Neither Walker nor I have tattoos.  Another made an odd comment about family time and heart attacks  that I couldn’t quite decipher.  I just smiled and waved and kept running.  Walker thinks it’s a hoot that people are so interested in our fitness.

On the positive side there was this younger guy in his mid twenties,  2 blocks over on Split Cedar Cove who appeared to be REALLY REALLY excited that I was finally getting in shape.  Every time we ran by his house he would let out a HUGE “WHOOHOOO” pump his fists and scream “Rock on Bro!”  I was thinking of asking him to head my race support squad for the marathon because that’s just the kind of vocal encouragement I am going to need toward the end of a long grueling race.

But just this afternoon as two mountain bikers whizzed by and belted out what I initially thought was a very random quip “Yeah Buddy 08′ Yeah” I finally figured out the mystery.

Tattoos, missed family time and 2008; it all makes perfect sense and it makes me chuckle.

Several years ago Daddy Clay and I lost a bet with our good buddy Jim from BabySwede up in Cleveland. As losers of the wager our penance was to conduct a DadLabs Live Show wearing Ohio State and Cleveland Browns gear.  Being Southern Gentleman we always pay our debts, so Daddy Clay donned the Brownie’s swag and I sported the Buckeye’s garb and we let loose one whale of a Live Show all OHIO’ED OUT.

It just so happens the Buckeye shirt is very comfortable, made of NIKE DRI-Fit material and is perfect for a running.  People are heckling me (or cheering me) because they think I’m a Buckeye! Ewwww.

I am a big Texas LongHorn fan and so in retrospect it strikes me as funny that I’ve been running around my Burnt Orange neighborhood for the past several weeks completely clueless, in a bright red Buckeye shirt emblazoned with a huge OHIO STATE Logo across the front.  I didn’t even think about it and never put 2 and 2 together.  Lucky my kid was along for most runs or I might have ended up in ditch somewhere as payback for 2006.  Hell I probably deserved it.

For the time being I don’t mind running in my Buckeye shirt, it’s real nice and I only have one other DRI-FIT shirt as the DadLabs pay-scale is much like a Sooner’s IQ (Extremely Low).  But when those boys get off probation, Urban Meyer works his magic and the Horns meet the Buckeyes for the 2014 National Championship, I’m gonna burn that thing and sprinkle it on the front lawn of my buddy over on Split Cedar Cove.

No offense Jim.