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Archive for the ‘discipline’ Category
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Raising Cheaters
By Daddy Clay Thursday, November 1st, 2012
Recently I’ve heard lots of parents expressing concerns about the prevalence of cheating in our society. These moms and dads point to elite sports and even the most prestigious institutions of higher learning and worry that cheating has become the norm.
Well, duh. What a bunch of suckers.
Parents that live in the real world are so over honesty. We know that our kids are unlikely to get ahead if they are encumbered with notions of fair play, mindless rule following, and namby pamby truth telling.
For those of you still admiring worn out role models like George Washington, Abraham Lincoln or Greg LeMond, I have a couple of pointers for raising effective cheaters. Read the rest of this entry »
Sibling Rivalry: Solved!
By Daddy Clay Wednesday, August 8th, 2012
I have to give my kids credit for doing a reasonable job of coexisting in our household. We still have three kids, which is exactly the number we birthed, so I’d say they’re doing pretty well. They certainly do better than I did with my younger sister — which devolved into a War of the Roses-style running conflagration.
There are skirmishes in our house, for sure. We have some bickering, arguing, cage fighting, and hostage taking. We get the occasional tiffs and squabbles, maulings, maimings, rampages, and body slams. Every so often the sofa cushions get disordered or the whole house reduced to glowing, smoking ruins. But overall they do pretty well.
I’m so proud of how rarely my children perform jiujitsu on each other, I’m going to offer a few tips on reducing sibling rivalry. If you’d like your kids to only periodically pound each other into jelly, read on! Read the rest of this entry »
Guardians of Virtue
By Daddy Clay Monday, June 4th, 2012
The glowering dad and the awkward suitor, it’s the fatherhood cliché that has spawned a thousand commercials and movie scenes. Entire cinematic franchises have been build around the notion of the old man, shotgun at the ready, on guard to protect his daughter’s virtue. Have you Met the Fockers?
But the media is about as accurate a reflection of reality as a Picasso, while being a shitload less inspiring.
Which leaves me wondering what a dad’s role in the sexual safekeeping of a daughter should be. Read the rest of this entry »
What I Refuse to Let My Kid Watch
By Daddy Danny Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012
I know Declan is less than a month old, but I still have to think about his future.
There’s first words, potty training, and teething. There’s first days of school, annoying girlfriends, annoying birthday parties and detention…because he was annoying. There all these things that I will watch him suffer through, I CAN protect him from some things. And some of these things are bad movies and bad television shows. My compiled list is as followed:
Star Wars Episodes I, II, III – Sorry folks, they don’t exist in my house. They add nothing to the Star Wars legacy. They actually take away from the glory that was Star Wars Episodes IV, V, VI. I will start with Episode IV in this house and when he asks about I, II, III I’ll say…maybe if you had enough midi-chlorians I would.
Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull – I had to suffer through this. You had suffer through this. You could tell Harrison Ford had to suffer through this. Why should Declan suffer through this? Heck, I have my reservations about Temple of Doom, but it’s still a million times better than the Nuke the Fridge scene or Shia Labeouf swinging with the monkeys. And speaking of Shia LaBeouf…
Transformers 1, 2, 3 – I don’t really have to explain myself right? I mean, these movies are pretty bad. I remember getting so upset in the first movie when it took an hour for Optimus Prime to show up…an hour! I almost cried and I’m a grown man. That’s frustrating. Anyway, there is only one Transformers movie. That is the 1986 Transformers: The Movie animated film. If I have to let my kid be marketed to by Hasbro, he might as well get a decent story along with it. And I’m not against Michael Bay. I like other Michael Bay movies, like The Rock and…er…The Rock. And speaking of Michael Bay…
Michael Bay’s Teenage Alien Ninja Aliens or Alien Turtles – I know this movie hasn’t come out yet, but WTF…really…aliens? Thank god for the early 90s movies. Even Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Turtles in Time is starting to look better.
Anything past Superman 2 – I don’t really like Superman anyway. He’s too perfect, but I guess that’s the point. Superman I was good, but Superman II was the bomb! All the others…ugh… and Superman Returns was about Superman being a lousy father in the end. He just flies off and leaves his son. Like I want Declan to see Superman as a lousy father.
X-Men 3: The Last Stand – Talk about ruining a franchise. Imagine Declan’s surprise when he witnesses that train wreck.
Matrix 2 and 3 – Much like the Star Wars prequels, these Matrix sequels down right ruin the whole concept of the Matrix. They just crush the ideology of a brilliant idea because somebody wanted to make money.
As Many Reality Shows As Possible – There is nothing valuable about watching celebrities sit around or 13 shows about cake bosses with their midget pitbosses collecting junk from others while trying to sell or remodel their house.
Dora The Explorer – Listen, if I want to jam Spanish down my kids throat, I’ll do it myself thank you very much.
That’s all I can think of for now, but I’m sure when he starts getting interested in movies and shows, I will have a new list to compile.
And I’m not an Elitist, I just don’t want him to waste his time with crap.
