As the school year approaches, curriculum reform is on the minds of teachers, parents and administrators. Kids, not so much. Having gone to school myself, I — like many parents — consider myself an expert on the subject. Therefore a have a few suggestions for new classes for the upcoming school year.
Actually Cool Music Appreciation
By definition — all music that parents listen to is not cool. Just ask my tween daughter. But the simple fact is that my music actually is cool, and the kids need to learn to appreciate that. And also tell me that my music is totally cool. If a certified educator makes a reasonable side by side presentation of Spoon and One Direction — the kids can’t help but get it. Austin has a rich tradition of amazingly cool music, and lots of parents that support this scene don’t get credit for being cool. This constitutes a civic crisis that should be addressed by the public schools. Save these children from boy bands before it’s too late.
I’ve had it. I’m fed up with the atrocious spelling, rampant neologisms, lack of punctuation, “emoticons,” and general disregard for the art of composition that characterizes modern communication. I am not one to bash technology or wax nostalgic for simpler times, but no reasonable person can deny that Facebook updates, texts and emails have compromised our expectations of written expression. Therefore I propose we get these kids together and demand that they teach their parents the grammar that they are learning in school.
4th Grade Drivers Ed
Let’s face it — American families today are over-scheduled and overwhelmed. Parents now live in their cars ferrying kids to practices, tutors, recitals and birthday parties. Family dinner is a thing of the past, kids chomping fast food between obligations contributing to the national obesity epidemic. The solution is simple. Teach kids to drive when they are 10. With the advent of video games, kids now acquire the basics of driving from the time they can pick up an iPad. Cars are safer now, and with onboard GPS navigation, sophisticated abstract thinking is no longer required. With the kids now able to drive themselves to practice, parents would be free to do more important things. Like update their Facebook status.