I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and research lately about kids, parents and technology. One of the clearest trends: kids are using technology at a younger and younger age. Many of the biggest tech companies have picked up on the trend and are now offering products aimed at the much coveted 0-9 year old demographic. Here are a few products designed to optimize that protracted software install we call “childhood.”
This sonic pacifier uses the conductive properties of the soft palette and skull to stream music directly to your baby’s brain, right where you want it. The unit features a constantly updated playlist of Norah Jones, Adele and Michael Bublé — guaranteed to put any child to sleep within five minutes.
Everybody knows about YouTube’s ability to endlessly accept crap — now that technology has been applied to diapers. Your infant can now download all day long and never fill these Huggies-beaters. Bonus Feature: Anonymous commenters give you feed back on your diaper changing technique and nursery decor.
Apple integrates defibrillation paddles into its latest devices, introducing a product that will finally get your tween to pick up her room. One popular app causes the device to fire whenever a child sings Lady Gaga lyrics aloud.
Nintendo Wii Potty Training System
Motion detection system can tell when the child is doing “the dance.” Bonus points are allotted when the remote and nunchuk sense boys lifting the lid. The system notifies parents when the child is “done” but not “done,” so the kid doesn’t have to yell pitifully down the hall for help.
A social site for parents of children with drooling and spitup issues. Post photos of soaked onesies, ruined ties and blouses. Dry cleaning status updates are shared. Down-The-Back-Ville one of the site’s most popular games.
Brought to you by the designers of 4Square, this GPS enabled app will help you locate two pairs of your child’s socks that actually match. You can also perform a check-in every time to have to re-tie your toddler’s shoes. (No longer available through Gowalla.)
I am personally so excited about these products that I decided to have another baby just so I would try them out. But my wife said “no.” So I guess it will just have to be a robot baby. Apple making those yet? I think I’ll name mine Hal.