The Sunday New York Times can absolutely be depended on to contain at least one really alarming story about kids and parenting, sometimes several, and this past weekend was no exception. It’s no wonder that I’ve used the paper mostly as a door stop for the past year and half. (I was going to cancel, but now my Sunday-only subscription gets me behind the paywall, so I can continue to use my NYT apps during minivan downtime — and I do read the car reviews every week.)
This past Sunday was a particularly terrifying one for fathers of daughters. The paper documented a horrifying case involving an eighth grade girl who texted a nude photograph of herself to a then boyfriend. Post-breakup, the aforementioned ass-wipe promptly sent the pic to all his buddies, then the internet did its very best to ruin this girl’s life.
Girls pilloried by piers for being a “ho” is nothing new, but this generation clearly has to deal with digital bells that cannot be un-rung. And while the article goes on to highlight the healthy discussion of the perils of social media that is now taking place at the school, I remain convinced that there is only one thing that has a reasonable chance of keeping teen girls out of this kind of trouble: almost ceaseless participation in team sports. Girls cannot sext and play field hockey at the same time. Now my only challenge is to find a field hockey team that practices during all waking hours.
There’s plenty of research about the benefits of team sports for girls — including long term. Throw in a few family dinners, and we’re good, right?
Oh, wait, but then there is this. An article not a quarter inch deeper into the pile of newsprint bemoaning the “epidemic” of ACL injuries among female athletes at the high school and collegiate level.
I’ve torn my ACL, and none of the remedies described in the article when my surgery was being performed with stone tools (anybody ever heard of using an IT band graft on an ACL? Didn’t think so). So I have some sense for how painful this injury is, how difficult the recovery and rehab, and how life long the consequences are.
Excuse the absurd dialectic, but if I were given a choice for my daughter between a torn ACL and sexting, I’ll take a knee.
My daughter is only 9, so I haven’t had to deal with this yet, but she’s growing up fast and I pray I never have to. But I honestly believe that if fathers pay attention to their daughters and give them the love they deserve, they will expect that from boys their age and they will not settle for less, or look for affection elsewhere.
I’ve got a 9 yr old girl as well, so I’m with you. I hope a dad’s presence is good enough. But I’ve felt the power that peers exert, and it unsettles me sometimes.
Holy crap-monkeys – I’m still dealing with “no you can’t wear a dress in the snow” issues. This makes me want to duct tape Abby so she stays small and keep her home so she never has anyone to sext with. Ugh…
Forgive me if I am speaking out of line since I not only don’t have a daughter, but my son is still safe in sound in the womb….
but I guess I always thought there are two sides to this issue. You have a responsibility to make sure your son doesn’t become one of those ass-whipes either. It’s alarming, but 1 in 4 woman in the United States is a victim of sexual abuse. THOSE NUMBERS BLOW MY MIND!!! I think it’s really important to educate your daughters and Sons on sexual abuse and how hard woman still have it.
It’s easy to be one of those people who say “Well she put herself in that situation…” but men have just as much as a duty to stop these issues in their tracks as woman do. I think we just accept that “boys will be boys” and woman need to change the way they dress, or they way they act to make sure nothing bad happens to them. But that is wrong. It’s ok to have a sexuality, but you have to protect yourself from people who want to take advantage of that.
I dunno. This is a issue close to my heart cause I was raised by my mom and my sister. I have had some friends of my who were victims of abuse.
My wife and I often discuss what kind of talks we would have with our son and maybe future daughter. I think if you show her what kind of sleezy guys are out there, and show them how some guys no matter how nice you think they are might try and take advantage of you… maybe they will have a fighting change to not be another statistic.
It’s hard, but I think it’s really important to confront the ickiness of the issue head on. It’s similar to how absences education doesn’t work, you are just gonna have to talk to them and be real.
Am I being a major buzz kill?? You’re dealing with sexting now, wait til college! Here are some resources that I have recently learned about:
http://www.mencanstoprape.org/
http://www.stopitnow.com/
Anyways. I am glad I’m not dealing with it just yet. Cause it’s a scary world out there for our daughters. You could just quit your job and become her full time body guard?