A recent trip with my son to the orthodontist had me challenging myself to name highly successful people with highly bad teeth. The list I came up with included Flavor Flav, George Washington and Austin Powers. My wife quickly pointed out that Austin Powers is a fictional character, and that Flavor Flav’s grillz cover more or less straight teeth, as far as she could tell. I countered that if you have the Father of Our Whole Dang Nation, to make your point, who else do you need?
You see, my wife and I are having a disagreement about the necessity of orthodonture. My wife feels it is a non-negotiable health and social imperative. I think we should keep them under close observation, and rush them to get a full set of monorails at the first sign of starvation. Short of that, braces are nothing but plastic surgery — hair plugs for your mouth.
My wife calmly refers my to the thick and glossy portfolio containing the compelling medical evidence that my children require pricey dentifrices. I wonder aloud, if you think you might need a new vehicle, do you ask a car salesman?
Stink Eye, incoming.
And while we’re at it, why are orthodontists’ offices so nice? Architecturally interesting, tastefully decorated and appointed with the latest electronic amusements, these places look like Bernie Madoff’s Palm Beach estate. What does this say about their margins? I want an office that would blend right in to downtown Detroit. When I walk in, I don’t want perky, gleaming smiles. I want someone to grab my lapels and gasp, “Thank goodness you’re here, we thought we might have to close for good.”
This line of reasoning got me nowhere. Neither did my arguments under the headings: Crooked Teeth Build Character, Delayed Onset Dating, Look at the English!, Dentures: A Better Investment, or Manned Space Flight to Uranus Would Cost Less.
My wife plays her trump card, pointing out that I had braces as a kid and that’s why I have such “nice, straight teeth.” Which reminded me of something. I crept into the children’s bedrooms that night and showed them photos. Of me. Circa 1981. Full headgear.
I think that may have done the trick.
HAHA. Daddy Clay I have been struggling with that argument myself for years!
The ideas people will sell you on is insane, and YEAH they make BANK convincing you and your kids that you must have perfectly straight teeth…
Does this really help our health? Will I now live 3 years longer? How did people ever make it this far without braces? Wouldn’t they have all starved to death or stopped breeding??
I dunno… personally I feel like if your teeth are straight enough, leave well enough alone and just try and take god care of your teeth. I can’t recall how many people I knew who would shell out to get their teeth fixed and no less then 10 years later have their teeth all messed up again cause, they didn’t want to were head gear at night, or a retainer.
At least these days braces are a lot… A LOT easier on the eyes. Who cares if he gets teased? He’s probably gonna deal with teasing any ways right? There has to be some information out there on when the best time to get work done is… I simply won’t buy that you need to fix them while kids are young. They are still growing, jaws getting bigger… I would shoot for middle school or high school to fix them up, more bang for your buck!
I make a lot of noise, but you know who makes the decision here, right? The one that pays the bill. In other words, my wife.
And we’ve actually already signed off, my daughter (who is only 9) has had a couple teeth extracted, and will have a “pre-braces appliance” put in to keep enough spacing in her too-tiny jaw.
I’ll keep trying to influence my wife to get objective second opinions, but the monorail ortho train has left the station.
Ha ha, look at the English! You crack me up! I actually wore braces on my teeth from 4th through 6th grade due to the dentist telling my parents that I had a “narrow palate” and braces would help widen my jaws widen. He also explained that the younger you are, the less “memory” the bands around the root of the tooth have, so making them move takes less time and less effort. That said, it still was expensive, it still hurt, though I was lucky and only had them for two years.
With my children, the same dentist tells me that you can’t really have too much space in-between teeth on children, especially if their wisdom teeth haven’t erupted yet. My son has a gap between his front teeth too, but my dentist/orthodontist isn’t worried, as my son is just 5. He said for me to wait until he’s in middle school before thinking about braces for him. I guess every child is different if you get an honest dentist’s opinion.
I had to get braces for my daughter last year, it was tough but I was fortunate to not have them and it would be a bit hypocritical for me to have decent “grille” but her to not have one. Fortunately her issue was prominent enough to make the decision easy
I had a case of TMJ (misaligned bite, which causes stress on the jaw) that caused headaches and neck pain. So in my case, braces solved a moderately serious medical issue. Something to consider.
-Roger
Sometimes they are a necessary evil. My nephew had to have his jaw broken and realigned so that he would not suffer headaches from jaw pain. (this was done when he was an adult)
I know it’s the right thing (thanks for the TMJ reminder, Roger), but my little girl’s teeth were SO SORE this morning, it really gave me flashbacks. Braces hurt.
Jewel certainly has messed up teeth, and I’d say she’s doing quite alright!