My son has lost or destroyed no less than four phones, including two hand-me down-iPhones, most recently a 3GS wrapped in a pricey Otterbox cover.  He’s not yet 13.  And today, I’m getting him another phone.

This is a shameful situation — that, at least, I have enough perspective to see. And I also understand that by the “Fool Me Once” doctrine, the shame is mine. The clear and rational adult response to this situation is to admit defeat and to let the child know that he is not ready to have a phone.

But I’m getting him another one. The obvious parental line of reasoning is: he has to have a phone for safety and communication reasons.  But this is bunk.  Of the times when the phone is not lost, I’ve noticed that my son is highly unlikely to have it with him at exactly the times when I need to reach him most. By any objective measure, the phone is almost completely useless for my supervisory needs, but does create a financial liability, a potential distraction, and a possible source of trouble.

But I’m getting him another one. Why? Parental Magical Thinking.  The cell phone promises exactly what every parent of a tween/teen wants, instant contact and therefore instant assertion of presence and/or control over the kid regardless of where they are. I’m cognizant of the fact that teens today are no less likely to engage in dangerous behaviors because they have phones.  Indeed, the devices seem to have challenged their creativity in this area.

But I want that pipeline. For purely irrational reasons, completely unsupported by data, and at considerable expense.

What phone is next on the chopping block? Fortunately, for Bubba anyway, my contract is up, so he had his choice of “free” phones.  He has selected a Palm Pre Plus.  This is a smart phone, so it will require a data plan.  I’ll set up his email, but will disable the web.  I’ll have to invest time figuring out the Palm parental controls, and tweaking my various plans and features.

And I’m looking into insurance. Given his track record, it’s appealing, but there is a large deductible. With a monthly charge of $5, within a year it’s a financial wash.

What really bugs me is the realization of how much work this is going to be for me and how annoying it will be for my son.  I’m going to have to check on the status of this phone all the time — logging it in and out. But if I’m not willing to this trouble, there is no way I should be providing the gadget.

Am I even crazier than I am aware of?