“Uneasy Rider” is one of my favorite CDB tunes. A wonderful story about a hippie, a flat tire, widely differing political views, three rednecks, a drunk girl and a dude with green teeth. The moral of the story is that when you have a destination in mind; always follow the road that will take you there with the least amount of avoidable trouble. It seems that Charlie was speaking directly to me when he wrote these lyrics. You see in my parenting journey, I often take the road fraught with unnecessary hard ship and frustration and I do it over and over again. When will I learn, do what works first? I am also concerned that my son is going to end up like the dude with green teeth. Not necessarily that he will spend his adult life hanging out with red necks and drunk girls, at bars at 2 in the afternoon while he should be working, but that he will have green teeth.

Lately he has been resistant to brushing his teeth, especially in the morning. This has produced frustration in our get ready for school routine. In fact, getting him to brush his teeth has been harder than pulling teeth, which is exactly what we are going to have to do if he keeps up his stubborn aversion to dental hygiene. So once again, I faced the problem taking the following bone headed steps.

Below is my circuitous travel log down the hygiene highway.

Bribery. Purchased super hero toothpaste and fancy electric toothbrushes. This worked for a while but soon the novelty faded and we were back to square one.

Battle of Wills. I say, “we can stand here all day if you want but you are not leaving this bathroom until you brush those teeth.” Turns out we would have stood there all day but I had to go to work and he would love to miss school.

Scare Tactics. I suggest that if he doesn’t brush, the dentist will have to drill holes in his teeth and drilling is painful. Unfortunately, prior trips to the dentist have been really fun. Did you know that modern dentist offices have televisions in the ceilings and more video games than they do dental dams? A trip to the dentist is better than a trip to the arcade.

Punishment. I threaten, “If you don’t brush your teeth there will be no screen time, no playing outside and no dessert.” That just leaves a bad taste in everybody’s mouth.

Establish Healthy Pattern & Provide Positive Reinforcement. We agree upon a deal. If he eats his vegetables and brushes his teeth without complaining for two straight weeks, he gets a pair of Heelys. He really wants a pair of Heelys. And as long as the successful pattern continues, he keeps the reward.

Guess what? The clear expectations and positive reinforcement thing really works. Duhhhh. It always does.

Why can’t I learn just to go LA via Omaha?