Here’s the takeaway from the recent birthday bash.

Lick Finger, Stick in Air
Trying to make a 60’x25’ sheet of plastic adhere to a hill in 25-30 MPH winds can be a bit tricky. Especially if all you have to do the job: two tent stakes, one medium sized rock, scotch tape. Don’t panic. Stick with it. Maybe someone driving by will feel pity and toss you some landscaping staples. Turning the sprinkler on will also help. The headache is worth it because the kids will spend the next four hours using your redneck slip’n’slide. (Note: if you forget to pick up sticks and rocks before putting down plastic, it’s okay. The kids will figure out that using boogie boards solves the problem.)

Deflate Your Ego
Leave 8-12 hours the day after the party for deflation. Expect to spend most of the day after the party sitting on the giant inflatable kiddie pool while the thing slooooooowly gives up the gas, because your wife WILL catch you sneaking out the door with the steak knife. You may want to do some stretching ahead of time, because pushing all the air out of this jumbo will require full-on, plastic toy jujitsu/yoga. Keep telling yourself “the kids love it, the kids love it…” ten thousand or so times.

Freezer Burn
You should help your Margarator out by freezing the mix before adding it to the machine, use soft “popcorn” ice if you have access to it. The bigger, harder cubes will give the blender problems. Spring for a rimmer, if you can find one; it makes up for using the industrial mix. The second batch that you make with unfrozen mix will be watery (just like they warned of on Amazon). And don’t bother buying any red wine at all. Nobody drinks the stuff when the temp gets over 90.