Stay at home dads are one of the growing trends in parenting.  In this episode of The Lab, Daddy Clay is joined by Dr. Aaron B. Rochlen, University of Texas Professor of Psychology.  He sits down to discuss this important parenthood topic.  Whether it is because of the economy or job layoffs, many men are playing the role of stay at home dad.  How do moms feel about this?  Do dads experience more happiness when they take care of their children?  Are there support systems in place for these fathers?  DadLabs Ep. 547 The Lab is brought to you by BabyBjorn.

DadLabs ep. 547 The Lab Stay at Home Dads

DADDY CLAY  Welcome back to The Lab. I'm Daddy Clay.  The show is brought to you by BabyBjorn.  And we have a very special show this week because we're joined by Dr. Aaron Rochlen, Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas.

DADDY CLAY  Thank you Dr. Rochlen for joining us.

DR. AARON B. ROCHLEN  Thank you for having me on.

DADDY CLAY  Absolutely.  So let's talk about stay at home dads.  Give us a little snapshot.  Things are changing it seems as a consequence of the changes in the economy and the world of stay at home dads.  What kind of impact is that having?

DR. AARON B. ROCHLEN  Well, I think it's a particularly important time to look at this issue because what we found is even in the last five years there's been real significant growth in the number of stay at home fathers.  But, in the last few years, because of what's been going on in the economy, the layoffs have been particularly  impactful for men.  I believe it's 80% of the layoffs in the last two years has impacted men, and obviously that's also impacting men's roles at homes for men who aren't finding jobs immediately.  And so for these guys, they're having to kind of go through a really critical point in their lives in terms of negotiating what kind of home care responsibilities are going on.  There are some situations where people are reacting to those dads with like okay, "What happened? You must have left your job. etc." But there's also a lot of admiration and even jealousy being expressed both by working men who would like to spend more time with their children and mothers who are like "Wow, I'd love if my husband played a more active role at home too."

DADDY CLAY  In the households where the father is staying at home as a result of exigent circumstances, because he's been laid off.  Does that change the dynamic in the household as opposed to if it's done by mutual consent or the decision made without that?

DR. AARON B. ROCHLEN  It's actually a timely question.  We just finished up a study where that's what we're doing.  We're looking at the reasons why men are going into the stay at home father role and how that's relating to adjustment, their psychological well being, and even their marital satisfaction.  And what you indicated there is right on target.  So guys who are being forced into it or couples who are making the decision purely because of economic reasons, or job loss, etc.,  not surprisingly can be struggling more in the role.  Whereas men in families who are negotiating that decision based on their own parental beliefs or based on just the importance of a parent being at home are adjusting better.  And the other thing that we found that I think is pretty interesting is men that are kind of holding on to very traditional ideas about what men should do and career as related to their own identity, are struggling some.  Whereas men who are kind of defining their own masculinity in more flexible terms are adjusting better to the role and less impacted by the stigma that's out there.

DADDY CLAY  So, other than just sort of practice makes perfect when it comes to being a stay at home dad, are there any strategies that you're observing in the stay at home dads that are successfully making this transition?  Is there a pattern in what guys are doing right to be happy in the role of stay at home dad?

DR. AARON B. ROCHLEN  I would summarize that in terms of support and isolation.  So that the men who are really getting good support for their roles, who are finding other stay at home fathers in their own communities, stay at home dads have a huge online presence which I think is terribly important.  We've seen tremendous growth in terms of the online support groups on stay at home fathers and fathering in general.  The tricky part about it, the men who are struggling are those that get kind of isolated.  Parenting, as you know, especially full time parenting, that can be one of the real significant challenges, is your world is kind of immersed within childhood play, often, and you kind of miss that adult interaction.  And so the men who are not connecting with others, who are isolating themselves from other parents, from other men, or who are being isolated by stigmatizing responses from others are naturally struggling more.

DADDY CLAY  I wonder what it's gonna take for sort of political action, or even action in the business community for the attitudes to be about parental leave instead of maternity leave.  Actually, this is a good point for us to bring up the fact that you're going to be taking a little paternity leave.

DR. AARON B. ROCHLEN  In the fall, we'll be expecting our second child.  And my wife is a physician, makes far more money than I am.  Thank you University of Texas for that one. And I will be the primary caretaker at home.  And the university has a very generous policy where I was able to.  I did have to apply for a modified instructional leave but I will have a teaching release for the entire semester.

DADDY CLAY  Well thanks a lot for coming in.  Really appreciate you talking to us about the state of stay at home dads here in this country.  Thanks a lot to BabyBjorn for allowing us to bring in really great experts and professionals to talk about being a dad here with you guys.  Here in The Lab.