Potty Training Stinks

Potty training your kid is one of the biggest parenting challenges parents will face. In this episode of The Lab, Daddy Clay and Daddy Brad offer advice to other dads and moms on how to potty train children. They run through potty equipment, including some from Baby Bjorn and the Peter Potty, that will make it easier for kids to transition to the big potty. Clean up advice for poop and pee is also shared. DadLabs ep. 5 The Lab.

DADDY BRAD: Welcome to the DadLabs. I’m Daddy Brad.

DADDY CLAY: And I’m Daddy Clay. Today we will be talking about all the reasons why you should never potty train your child. Because potty training is ten times more disgusting than changing diapers. I say change diapers until the kid goes off to college.

DADDY BRAD: Daddy Clay, sooner or later you have to potty train the child. They have to go to school.

DADDY CLAY: Well get ready because when that kid starts potty training he’s gonna pee all over his new Diego underpants, his shorts, his socks and his shoes, the car seat, the sofa cushions, everywhere in the bathroom except the toilet, and all over you. Just tell daddy when you need to go. And don’t get me going on the poop.

DADDY BRAD: You’re potty training your youngest right now, aren’t you.


DADDY BRAD: You’ve been changing diapers for a long time.

DADDY CLAY: Three kids. Almost nine years.

DADDY BRAD: By my estimates, that means your share has been about 11,000 diapers. Let’s say half poopy. About 5500 poopy diapers.

DADDY CLAY: That’s a horrifying statistic.

DADDY BRAD: Isn’t it time?

DADDY CLAY: When is it time to potty train?

DADDY BRAD: There are all kinds of wacky theories about what time is best to start. Some parents go at 18 months (some even younger). Most will wait until the child is between two and three years old.

DADDY CLAY: Kid wakes up with a dry diaper that’s sign of readiness. I think an essential factor in readiness is the season. Don’t try potty training until it’s warm enough to spend a lot of time outside. Out here, who cares?

DADDY BRAD: When it’s warm, you can find a beautiful old tree with a spreading canopy, and have the kid crap on it. If you live in town, bring baggies.

DADDY CLAY: Some parents lay the groundwork for potty training by reading books and watching videos. I can’t imagine wanting to waste a lot of story time on this, but if you’ve got a title that has worked for you, let us know.

DADDY BRAD: I just start inviting the kids in to watch me take a dump.

DADDY CLAY: I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.

DADDY BRAD: So, you guys go pull-ups or no pull- up. Some people will go from diapers to pull-ups to underwear.

DADDY CLAY: We go pull ups at night. And we’ll stick with those for a while after they seem to get it.

DADDY BRAD: I think the key to the whole thing is bribery.

DADDY CLAY: Yeah, you’ve got to have kind of just sick payoff scheme. I give the kid a new Wii for every wee.

DADDY BRAD: That might be a bit much.

DADDY CLAY: Hundred bucks per dump.

DADDY BRAD: Hundred...

DADDY CLAY: I want to get this done.

DADDY BRAD: Lifesavers, you know. Jelly beans.

DADDY CLAY: What works for us? Full quart bottle of Mountain Dew per. Motivation.

DADDY BRAD: One M&M. Dude.

DADDY CLAY: Now there is some gear involved here and some decisions to be made. Do you go insert, or do you go freestanding potty. Pros an cons for both.

DADDY BRAD: Now both of these come from Baby Bjorn and the design is cool and functional. Some folks go with the freestanding potty. The advantage here is that the kid takes ownership, likes their own pot. Downside, you have to clean these things out and eventually train them again to use the big pot. I prefer these.

DADDY CLAY: We go with this insert. The pros here -- you get an easy transition to the big pot, not much cleanup. Downside, if you’ve got older kids, you’re having to take this thing on and off. And my kid manages to get the urine stream right through here so the seat acts as a diffuser so he just lightly mists the towels. Either way, Baby Bjorn is a good bet.

DADDY BRAD: Accidents are going to happen. Your gonna get some wet spots, some sliders. It’s important that you don’t get mad when accidents happen, ‘cause then the kid tenses up so much that nothing is gonna work. Be patient.

DADDY CLAY Besides, it’s only pee.

DADDY BRAD: You really wanted to say that.

DADDY CLAY: It’s my motto.

DADDY BRAD: How about poop? Any tips on cleaning up poop accidents?

DADDY CLAY: Uh...let it dry for a few days. It’s much easier to handle.


DADDY CLAY: I do actually have one tip about dealing with poop accidents. Stock up on underpants. When the kid drops an El Producto, don’t try and jimmie the drawers down just to save the new pair of Nemo tighty-whities. Get a pair of scissors and cut those bad boys off. Otherwise, you’re headed for the tub.

DADDY BRAD: There will be a temptation to backslide, sometimes from the kids, but more often from the parents. Don’t go back unless you go a whole day without any successes.

DADDY CLAY: And when you finally get the last one out of diapers it’s really great. Except the kids are all grown. And that means I’m getting older and will die soon.

DADDY BRAD: Dude, are you all right?

DADDY CLAY: Yeah, it’s jut the whole thing...

DADDY BRAD: You guys thought about another one?

DADDY CLAY: You want to fight?

DADDY BRAD: I’m just asking.

DADDY CLAY: Seriously. Do you want to fight?

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