Daddy Brad: Hello, I’m Daddy Brad.

Daddy Clay: And I’m Daddy Clay.

Daddy Brad: And welcome to the Dad Labs. Today we’re going to perform a really sophisticated taste test on juice boxes.

Daddy Clay: Now, a disclaimer before we get started here. While juice boxes may look really innocent, they’re actually sort of controversial because, while kids love juice boxes, the American Academy of Pediatrics does not.

Daddy Brad: The AAP says for kids under six months of age: no juice boxes. Kids six years and younger: 4 to 6 ounces a day, and then older kids: only 8 to 12 ounces a day.

Daddy Clay: Which means that almost none of the juice boxes that you see in front of you should ever be given to kids under the age of six because the standard size is 6.75 ounces, putting it over the limit. Of course, I was really good with that with my own kids.

Daddy Brad: There are some good reasons to take it easy on the juice. They’re full of calories and that can contribute to obesity and cavities.

Daddy Clay: They’re also filling so they might ruin a child’s appetite and that might displace the 12 to 24 ounces of milk or dairy product the kid is supposed to take in every day.

Daddy Brad: Now doctors aren’t the only ones down on juice. Here are the five least favorite things from the Dad Labs about juice boxes.

Daddy Clay: Number 1: The Hammer. Thirsty kid grabs a juice box, rips the straw and its cellophane wrapper off the back, and begins to pound it against whatever hard surface he or she can find, reducing the straw to, well…that.

Daddy Brad: Number 2: The Sleeve. Say the kid actually gets the straw out of the sleeve, well, you’ve got the sleeves left over. They’re everywhere! I bet there are sleeves on every mini-van floor in America.

Daddy Clay: Next up, The Through & Through. Now this one is unique to juice pouches, like this one here. Unless you’re a thoracic surgeon, I would say you’ve got a 50 percent chance when you’re getting ready to put the straw in to do this…And a lot of the time it will come right out the back. And it’s just a total mess.

Daddy Brad: Number 4, related to The Hammer, it’s called The Orphan. Straw’s off, The Hammer happens, and you’re left with this, an orphan. Now Mom’s solution to this is to just go and grab another straw from another juice box and then you’ve got a bunch of orphan juice boxes with no straws on the bottom of the refrigerator.

Daddy Clay: Number 5, my personal favorite: The Dancing Fountains of Bellagio. So say you don’t follow those AAP regulations very closely. You hand a full juice box to a toddler, what’s the first thing they’re going to do? They’re going to squeeze that baby. The result: Niagra Falls.

Daddy Brad: There are reasons that juice boxes are everywhere: they’re convenient, they pack well, they tastes good, and kids love them!

Daddy Clay: That’s true. Now let’s get to the main event, which is the tasting. A couple of other recommendations before we begin: make sure that you always choose 100% juice. Anything that’s not 100% juice you should pretty much treat like candy. Make sure it’s a pasteurized product. As we mentioned before, it’s just 6.75 fluid ounces, so a little bit of that Dancing Fountain of Bellagio and it’s okay to give to a kid under 6.

Daddy Brad: Let’s get tasting!

Daddy Clay: We’re going to start with the basics. We’ve got the 100% apple juice from Treetop here. Appley.

Daddy Brad: Good legs.

Daddy Clay: A little stemy to me. A little Earthy. A little vegetal note.

Daddy Brad: Tastes like apples. The next one is Minute Maid Kids pulp-free 100% orange juice, fresh-squeezed.

Daddy Clay: It’s very citrusy. Taste like, you know, orange juice.

Daddy Brad: Rich. Some subtle undertones.

Daddy Clay: I think I’m picking up some vitamin D. Or maybe it’s the E.

Daddy Brad: B-1, I think. I got a hint of B-1.

Daddy Clay: Okay now we’re going to get a little fancy. We’ve got the Hanson’s 100% Multi-vitamin Juice Blast Tropical Fruit Punch Blend. Now that, that’s got some banana working it in for me, I don’t know, pineapple.

Daddy Brad: Very aggressive. Nice finish. Reminds me of an island.

Daddy Clay: It’s very fruit forward. A little sweet.

Daddy Brad: Very forward. Next we have the Capri Sun All-natural Fruit Waves 100% Juice Berry Breeze.

Daddy Clay: I’m starting to feel it a little bit. I feel like running around the living room and tearing up the furniture.

Daddy Brad: Wow. That kind of starts slow and then gives you a kind of kick.

Daddy Clay: Much more of a strawberry feel. I should probably check my blood sugar checked, it’s getting a little hard to breathe.

Daddy Brad: Okay. We’ve tasted all these juices and we’re ready to award the Dad Labs Seal of Approval.

Daddy Clay: I have to say that my favorite was the blend of flavors that came through in the Hanson’s Natural Tropical Fruit Bunch, I mean Punch. Bunch.

Daddy Brad: Lots of juice.

Daddy Clay: I’m nuts! I’m nuts! And I thought there was a good tropical blend. It was tasty. I could drink that.

Daddy Brad: You know, while that is a good choice, I liked the more conservative, the more standard, Treetop Apple Juice.

Daddy Clay: All right, so we’ve got one seal for Hanson’s and one seal for Treetop. All right Daddy Brad, would you mind making me a little room here?

Daddy Brad: Sure.

Daddy Clay: I have always thought of myself as being sort of a creative dad, I don’t like to do just what people tell me. I like to mix and match a little bit. I’ve got a little bit of the tropical fruit punch, a little bit of the orange juice, I’m going to put about 2 ounces of each of those in a glass like that. And then when I’m done with that I’m going to get a little bit of this Daddy Juice, also known as light rum, I’m going to put that right on top like this and then I’m going to mix it with my handy screwdriver here. I call this one a Thumbsucker. Cheers.

Daddy Brad: Hmmm, tasty. Well, that’s all from the Dad Labs. Cheers!

Daddy Clay: Cheers! Did you bring the umbrellas? I thought someone was supposed to bring umbrellas.