In this episode of The Lab, Daddy Clay and Daddy Brad ponder the role of dolls in the lives of their daughters. These toys are a common gift for girls and it won't be long before your daughter has a collection of them. What are the best dolls for a girl when she graduates from baby dolls to fashions dolls? Groovy Girls? Barbie dolls? Bratz dolls? The dads weigh in on this parenting topic. DadLabs Ep. 43 The Lab.

Part 1

Daddy Brad: What in the hell has happened to dolls?

Daddy Clay: Our recent trips to the toy store have left us a little concerned. Now, we’ve seen some dolls that we like when trying to pick out holiday gifts or birthday presents. But frankly, as fathers, we also have seen some dolls that, well, scare the crap out of us.

Daddy Brad: In this segment, we’re going to concentrate on those dolls that we like, the ones that we feel good about our daughters playing with. Then we’ll move on to the ones that make us a little more nervous.

Daddy Clay: Now. Even before you even have the first doll in the house, you’ve got a decision to make. Do you want your children to play with dolls or not?

Daddy Brad: Why no dolls?

Daddy Clay: Well, I mean, some people might feel like it enforces gender stereotypes, you know you don’t want your daughter first thing, dress her in pink and hand her a baby doll, here’s your role in society honey, you just, you know, get to work.

Daddy Brad: Yeah, but if you ban dolls, what you get is your daughter swaddling a model pick-up truck calling it Melissa.

Daddy Clay: Well, we don’t want to get in a nature versus nurture gender stereotype, gender role conversation here so let’s just assume that you’re going to have baby dolls in the house. I remember, we did decide to get babies for my daughter, and we bought one, I put it in a basket and left it alone and came back a couple years later and there were twenty. So, you need to be careful because baby dolls are like triples because they just explode. There’ll all over the place.

Daddy Brad: How about for boys? Boys and dolls?

Daddy Clay: Sure. What about for you?

Daddy Brad: Yeah. I’m okay with guys and dolls.

Daddy Clay: The musical?

Daddy Brad: Boys and dolls, fine. But I will tell you one thing. Be on the lookout for this: My mom, conservative older lady, went to buy a doll for my son, went to the store, picked one out, I think the doll’s name was Paul. She took it to the front, they said, “Ma’am you may want to consider another doll.” “No, no I like Paul.” There were some sniggers. “Ma’am, you may really want to reconsider another doll. I think your son may want another doll for his son.” “No, no, no I like Paul.” They said, “Ma’am, Paul is anatomically correct.” They got penis dolls now!

Daddy Clay: Hmh. Then maybe his name should have been Peter. Or Richard. I thought you had to have a prescription or be a therapist to have an anatomically correct doll. Those are on the market?

Daddy Brad: If you want a penis doll, you can get one.

Daddy Clay: Did you see it?

Daddy Brad: Yeah, it was kind of funny.

Daddy Clay: Well, you want to watch out. If you’re going to buy a doll for your daughter, you’re probably not going to want an anatomically correct doll. You’re probably going to want just a standard baby doll like this. Because what they’re going to do, is carry it around, put it in a little stroller, or a grocery cart, and push it around. And if your parents come into town for dinner, then your daughter will of course take the baby doll and she’ll breast-feed with it, so be ready for that.

Daddy Brad: You know there’s one characteristic that all of these dolls share.

Daddy Clay: What’s that?

Daddy Brad: They’re bald!

Daddy Clay: How handsome.

Daddy Brad: Some of them look more like Uncle Fester to me. Or a turkey or something. There’s some dolls that are squishy and huggable. Then there’s the hard plastic ones, these you can leave out in the rain. It really doesn’t mess them up. Then there are some other dolls.

Daddy Clay: Looking around, I think most dolls are actually really creepy. The eyes that open and close, that really freaks me out. If you can explain to me this Playstation 3 commercial that’s out with the baby that’s crying. I think you got to be fifteen and maybe Japanese to understand that. If you understand it please write in and explain it to me because I don’t get it.

Daddy Brad: Do you know where I draw the line? The baby doll that poops.

Daddy Clay: Yeah, they have those now. I think that for a baby that is two years or younger, they don’t need software. They just need a baby that they can haul around. They don’t need software. It’s fine the way it is. Now when they get a little older, by the time they’re four, the girls are going to start getting interested in a little more sophisticated kind of doll, known in the industry as a fashion doll. This is a doll that has clothes and hair. That’s how you know it’s a fashion doll.

Daddy Brad: And that market segment is dominated by Barbie and Bratz. We’ll talk about those ladies later. Today we’ll focus on these dolls that we think are appropriate for our daughters to play with.

Daddy Clay: And I’ve got a recommendation. These dolls are fashion dolls. You can see they have hair, that’s got streaks in them, sort of trendy. They got groovy clothes. They look sort of like teens. These dolls are called Groovy Girls, and while they are fashionable and sometimes dare to show a little midriff, they’ve got little belly buttons, they look like teenagers, but they look like healthy teenagers, you see they smile, and they listen to their father, that’s the important thing, and they come in during curfew. So, we really like these dolls. I’ve given them as gifts often. The price point is great. They’re only ten bucks. You can interchange the clothes and the girls really seem to enjoy them very much. Cool, but also nice.

Daddy Brad: Simply put, we like the traditional squishy, huggable baby dolls, plastic, huggable, and the Groovy Girls. Stick around because later we’re going to talk about the dark side of the doll world. Barbie…

Daddy Clay: Watch out Bratz.

Daddy Brad: Bratz…

Part 2

Daddy Clay: As any dad who’s been to a toy store recently can tell you, in the doll aisle these days, you can find a lot of sassiness. And not all of it makes us really comfortable. This whole segment, this huge doll industry, has been taken over by two primary brands. There’s Barbie. And there’s the Bratz. So, the question today, is do you feel comfortable with your daughter playing with these kind of fashion dolls? If you’ve got an opinion, please share it with us, drop us a comment, let us know how you feel about Barbie versus the Bratz. Brad, how do you feel? Are you going to let your daughter play with Barbie?

Daddy Brad: Tough decision but Barbie, probably yes because Barbie has been around forever. I remember my sister playing with Barbie.

Daddy Clay: Right. But a lot of parents feel uncomfortable with Barbie because of, shall we say, her dimensions. May cause problems with girls defining their body image. Do you want them creating an unrealistic expectation of themselves because of Barbie and…her hair?

Daddy Brad: Her hair is very long. And yeah, that might create some enmity.

Daddy Clay: That’s teacher Barbie. Do you think your daughter’s teacher is going to look like that?

Daddy Brad: Not my daughter’s teacher.

Daddy Clay: So would you buy a Barbie?

Daddy Brad: I wouldn’t buy a Barbie, but I’m not banning Barbie from the house.

Daddy Clay: Okay, Barbie’s not banned. I feel the same way. Actually, this Barbie belongs to my daughter and was given to her as a Christmas present and if she wants to play with a Barbie then fine. Same question, Bratz?

Daddy Brad: Bratz. Yeah, she’s got longer hair, if you know what I mean, and she looks a little strumpety.

Daddy Clay: Obviously, there a number of features: she can stand up. Eye makeup. Lipstick. Lots of bling. And that skirt is pretty short. So how would you feel about this with your five-year-old girl? Would you buy a Bratz?

Daddy Brad: Probably not. I don’t want my five-year-old thinking that that length of skirt is appropriate. Good lord…

Daddy Clay: Not only would I not buy, I probably would not…God, would you be willing to fight that battle? I mean, if she opens that up at her birthday party, would you be willing to go get that, and say, “No honey,” and throw it in the trash? That’d be a tough battle to fight. So those of you who are invited to my daughter’s next birthday party, please, no Bratz, please.

Daddy Brad: You may have to go there, because it’s a huge industry. Barbie, which is a Mattel product, is 3-4 billion in sales. And then Bratz, which is MGA Entertainment, is 2 billion. They’ve almost caught up. So lots and lots of parents are buying these. When did they start the thongs?

Daddy Clay: And you know these dollies, they don’t like each other very much. As a matter of fact, Barbie is suing the crap out of the Bratz because Mattel, the owner of Barbie, contends that a designer was working for Mattel prior to Bratz, designed the Bratz, and then gave them away. So there’s a huge legal battle going on, there’s catfight.

Bratz: Bitch.

Barbie: Slut.

Bratz: Whore!

Barbie: Well, I’m nice, you collagen!

Bratz: Nice silicon there, miss priss!

Barbie: Argh!!!

Bratz: Ah,my legs, my legs!!!

Daddy Clay: If you’re uncomfortable with these two dolls, there is an option: this is an American Girl Doll. She’s obviously very wholesome; she has hair, a nice white outfit that goes all the way down. She comes with a book. Any doll that comes with a book has got to be a good thing. No makeup. The only issue here is that this baby is eighty dollars. So you definitely have alternatives: fashion dolls that are wholesome, that we all feel good about the girls playing with as long as you’re stinking rich.

Daddy Brad: Expensive! She’s got some split ends.

Daddy Clay: I think that’s all for us, here at the Dad Labs. Happy shopping.