When dad does household chores, do he and his partner have more sex? In this video, Daddy Clay talks to Romi Lassally of truuconfessions.com about choreplay. In the new fatherhood, dads are doing more housework, but does the image of dad cleaning somehow secretly make him less sexy? DadLab ep. 540 is brought to you by BabyBjorn.

Daddy Clay: Welcome back to Quality Time. On this special episode I'm joined by a guest who's going to help me decide whether or not choreplay is just a myth perpetrated on us by the mommy bloggers.

This episode of Quality of Time is brought to you by Baby Bjorn. Because there may be just a little bit of potty talk I brought with me the little potty. The design on this is really very cool. I'm joined today via iChat by Romi Lassally, the founder of Truu Mom Confessions.com. It's a very interesting cool site where dads can go and learn what moms really think, what they're really saying and now what I want to find out is what moms really think about choreplay. Romi, thank you so much for joining us.

Romi Lassally: Thank you, Clay. Great to be here.

Daddy Clay: Ok, let's just dive right in. I'm having a little bit of buyer's remorse about the whole choreplay issue. What is choreplay as you understand it.

Romi Lassally: Some people say it's litterally like your husband should be holding the swiffer and unloading the dishwasher and folding the laundry but at the end of the day it's dad doing more of his load so we can have just a little time off and feel relaxed and then feel a little more in the mood.

Daddy Clay: I think the notion of choreplay is that if the men did more housework they would get more sex.

Romi Lassally: That is the theory.

Daddy Clay: I don't really have a benchmark to measure against because I've always sort of subscribed to choreplay. I hope that it's true that a man doing his 50/50, a man doing housework, a man embracing this new role of fatherhood is going to be sexy. But my concern is that ultimately that image loses out to the stronger prevailing stereotype of the powerful, strong, aggressive male.

Romi Lassally: Well, now that you put it that way and I'm actually picturing you maybe on your knees scrubbing the toilet bowl, it's not that sexy. I agree but I don't want you to see me doing that either.

Daddy Clay: I'm not even saying I want out of it. I like contributing, I really do. I resent people that say I'm emasculated because I change diapers and clean up and I fold the laundry. I don't think it's emasculating but I do worry that it certainly doesn't make me sexy.

Romi Lassally: Maybe the sexiest thing is the housekeeper? Maybe this is about a new kind of threesome? I'm not saying sex with the housekeeper. I'm saying maybe we bring in a third party to do the housework. Doing the housework is just to give us a little more time, right? We just want to cross some things off our to-do list.

Daddy Clay: Yes, and I do believe there is a logistical element to choreplay, that yes, if everyone has a little more time and energy that logistically there's more possible time in which to have sex.

Romi Lassally: I went and read my friend Ayelet Waldman's book, Bad Mother, she really explicitly says "Unload the dishwasher, you're going to have more sex. So I come home and I tell him that and he looks at me and says, "I'm doing a lot!" Because his baseline is his dad who, love him, but he sits and he waits for his wife to make him lunch. So my husband who's really involved, like you're really involved is thinking, "I'm already doing a lot." I think one of the biggest problems is we don't sit down and reevaluate and take a look at all the responsibilities.

Daddy Clay: We've upped our level. Haven't guys upped our level? Why don't we get credit for it?

Romi Lassally: I think you get credit for it. The problem is there's still so much that doesn't get done. There's like an invisible list of thinks like writing thank you notes, organizing the bake sale.

Daddy Clay: Somehow it went from 0 to 50% in one generation. Guys like me, you hit 35% and you feel pretty good about yourself but your wife is still extremely frustrated and rather than congratulating you on the 35 that you're doing you're constantly being criticized for the 15 that you lack.

Romi Lassally: Do you feel like this is all being talked about? Because I think it's sort of simmering resentment. I walk around sort of pissed off going "why aren't you even thinking of taking out the trash?" It's not on his radar.

Daddy Clay: You've got to do the list. You've got to do the inventory of all the household tasks because unless you can look at it in aggregate it's hard for dad to get credit and it's hard for dad to see wow, she's doing do much more than me.

Romi Lassally: Have you made the list? I haven't made the list.

Daddy Clay: You know I haven't because it seems so bitchy to me.

Romi Lassally: No, it's not bitchy because then you're a team. We're making a list. We're in this and now we can see maybe it'll be 50/50, maybe it's 70/30, but you've acknowledged that there's the list.

Daddy Clay: Thanks very much for joining me on Quality Time. Thanks to you guys for watching Quality Time. I'm not sure if we've completely solved the mystery of choreplay, whether it works or not. We'd love to hear from you. Go to dadlabs.com, join the conversation there. Go to truuconfessions.com and air your feelings about choreplay, about sharing the domestic responsibilities. We want to thank our sponsors, Baby Bjorn, without them we wouldn't bring you this stuff. Thanks again to Romi Lassally for joining me today. Thanks a lot, Romi.

Romi Lassally: Thanks.

Daddy Clay: And we'll see you next time on Quality Time.