In this episode of Quality Time, Daddy Clay visits with University of Texas professor Dr. Nancy Hazen. She is one of the authors of a study titled "The Supermom Trap: Do Involved Dads Erode Mom's Self-Competence?", which examined couples expecting their first baby. Does an involved dad equal a happier marriage for mom? Do moms feel like they should be the primary caregiver in a family or is 50/50 parenting the new trend? Do fathers need to purposely be less involved to make mothers feel better? Is being a supermom really necessary? Check out this video for answers to these questions and more. DadLabs Ep. 625 is brought to you by BabyBjorn.

Daddy Clay: Hey there, welcome back to a very special episode of DadLabs. We're here on the campus of the University of Texas and I am joined today by Dr. Nancy Hazen, one of the authors of a very interesting study published in "Personal Relationships" and titled "The supermom trap: Do involved dads erode mom's self-competence?" Talk to me a little bit about the study itself. How did you gather your information?
Dr. Nancy Hazen: The data was gathered as part of a longitudinal study of couples expecting their first child. What we found was that when moms judged their husbands to be really good caregivers, that the moms were happier with their marriage. They rated their marital satisfaction higher than the moms whose husbands were less involved or the moms whose husbands didn't, they felt like didn't do a good job with caregiving. But at the same time, the one that had involved dads who were good at caregiving, also rated themselves lower on self-competence. So they kind of feel trapped in this idea that they're supposed to be the primary caregiver or the one who's in charge of the baby's well-being and the dads are more or less like under their instruction. They feel like their husbands are basically good equal partners in the caregiving, but yet they feel, and they're happy about that, because they're happy with their marriage, but yet they feel like they themselves aren't doing their full job. Although they're working full time, they feel like they should be full time moms at the same time. They often know that that's an irrational feeling, but that's often the message that society gives that moms should be the caregiver, they should be the ones taking care of the baby.
Daddy Clay: For me as a dad, how do I not feel trapped here. It seems to me that the new sort of societal expectation, the new paradigm seems to be sort of 50/50. Would you agree? Are you getting lots of feedback?
Dr. Hazen: Not really. I mean actually it's not. In our study, the dads were still doing far less than the moms. But the ones that were doing more, the families were functioning really well, and both spouses were happy. The problem is that the moms have to get rid of this idea that they need to be doing it all and be supermoms. They need to be comfortable and society needs to be comfortable with a more egalitarian sharing of infant care.
Daddy Clay: You're not suggesting that maybe dads should be less competent or less involved?
Dr. Hazen: No.
Daddy Clay: So if I go and I break the occasional dish or I put the diaper on backwards, would that help my wife feel better about herself?
Dr. Hazen: Well, maybe, in terms of like that she's the more superior caregiver but on the other hand, she'd be less happy with you and the marriage so that's probably not a good alternative.
Daddy Clay: It seems to me it's a little bit like be careful what you wish for. I mean if the ideal is for us to be involved, then turn around and that hurts your feelings somehow, I feel a little bit like I'm the one that's in the trap. Well, Dr. Hazen thank you so much for joining us today. We really appreciate it and thanks for helping us to understand this interesting article on the supermom trap.