Owen is getting on in his male pregnancy and starting to think about issues that his fake baby will face after birth. Like having a fake circumcision. Which leads to a pretty vigorous, if utterly absurd, foreskin debate. DadLabs ep 499 is brought to you by BabyBjorn.

MACK: How long have you been wearing that thing anyway?

OWEN: I don’t even know. Days, weeks, it’s all a blur.

MACK: Do you ever take it off?

OWEN: No, 24/7. It’s on.

MACK: Really? How do you, uh, snoopy the loopy, you know, sneak the bacon?

OWEN: Sneaking the bacon?

MACK: Yeah, do it. How do you do it?

OWEN: We’ve had to get creative. Try some things. Some flexible things.

MACK: Can I borrow that sometime?

OWEN: He’s a total fighter, punching all the time. Birth is going to be crazy!

MACK: Birth, haha! Out of your manvirgina!

OWEN: My mangina!

MACK: I can’t wait to see the pictures. Have you picked out a hospital yet?

OWEN: Oh, we’re going to do it here! Homebirth with a midwife.

MACK: That is too perfect. Is she going to do the circumcision, too? You know, snip snip.

OWEN: As if I would mutilate my son.

MACK: What are you saying? That I’m mutilated?

OWEN: Well, did someone cut off part of your wang? I wouldn’t call it cosmetic.

MACK: I’d call it hygienic. Ever check the crevices of your car seat? Stuff gets stuck down in there. You cut your fingernails off.

OWEN: I trim my fingernails. I don’t yank them out at birth. That’s freaky.

MACK: You’re the freak! You look like a snake choking on a mushroom down there.

OWEN: So you’re saying you’re going to circumcise your kids.
MACK: My sons, yes. It’s normal. It’s biblical.

OWEN: You don’t believe in God!

MACK: That’s not the point. I want my sons to look like their dad.

OWEN: Unless they hit puberty invitro and sprout a patch they’re going to look different than you. Are you going to give them a receding hairline, too?

MACK: That’s cruel.

OWEN: And chopping off part of your baby’s sex organs isn’t? Do you know how many nerve endings are in a foreskin?

MACK: Maybe they don’t need that many. Look at the condition it’s gotten you into.

OWEN: Are you calling me a man slut?

MACK: If the womb fits…

OWEN: Look I am sorry your parents stole from what little you had?

MACK: Oh, so you’re accusing me of being underendowed?

OWEN: I’m presuming based on your personality.

MACK: What does that mean?

OWEN: You are a narrow minded, conservative, neo-nazi, didohead!

MACK: Why you hippy, commie loving, bleeding heart, softskull!

OWEN: I’m about to smack you across the face!

MACK: Well you better make sure you fist is out of its sleeve first.

OWEN: You are what’s wrong with society, Mack!

MACK: You’re the reason God no longer blesses America!

OWEN: You don’t believe in God!

MACK: That’s not the point!

OWEN: Oh, my gosh, will you listen to us?

MACK: This is ridiculous. I don’t even have kids.

OWEN: I know. We’re arguing over hypothetical foreskins.

MACK: Whatever you want to do to your fake baby’s penis is ok with me.

OWEN: Thanks friend. Sadist…

MACK: Sockmonkey…