Preg-o-man The Pitch

Daddy Clay: We want you. We want you to be a pregnant woman.

Daddy Owen: Hey.

Troy: What's up?

Daddy Owen: How's it going? Sorry I am late. I get the uhm?

Daddy Clay: It's a thinking chair.

Daddy Troy: If you are late.

Daddy Clay: If you want something to read. We want you to have total like creative artistic control of your channel. We just had some ideas that we are going to throw out.

Daddy Owen: Yep, I am totally open I love ideas.

Daddy Clay: And if you say "Hey you know this is not me." Then you know, stick up your ass.

Daddy Brad: We'll find somebody else.

Daddy Clay: Dad Labs and that is fine. That's a joke. You're cool. We were talking about that earlier. It was like before you were here we were talking about that. But that is something else. But what we wanted to talk to you about is an idea that we had that we think has some legs. It's going to have some broad appeal. And we are pretty excited about it. We want you to be a pregnant woman.

Daddy Brad: It's got legs and it's got broad appeal.

Daddy Owen: My overall impression is freaked out a little bit.

Daddy Brad: With child.

Daddy Clay: Yes

Daddy Brad: You are with child.

Daddy Owen: Yeah I don't have womb or anything.

Daddy Clay: You are totally pregnant and you have to suffer-

Daddy Owen: Like I can stuff a shirt something like that. And we fill it.

Daddy Brad: Not exactly.

Daddy Owen: Make a little-

Daddy Clay: Well that is kind of-

Daddy Troy: It not as if -

Daddy Clay: We really want you to just go through everything, everything that a woman goes through when they are pregnant.

Daddy Owen: In some ways I have to say I am excited in kind of a naughty way.

Daddy Brad: You know how when your wife was pregnant you said "Oh honey I wish I could just feel a little of what you are feeling so I really know what you are going through."

Daddy Owen: Yeah but I didn't mean that.

Daddy Brad: Words had meaning though and sometimes we make verbal contracts that we have to fulfill. So we are going to give you this opportunity to fulfill your verbal contract.

Daddy Owen: I am up for anything. I know I am on thin ice with these guys so I have to kind of do what they say.

Daddy Clay: You wake up in the morning and you just have complete morning sickness. You just boot everywhere, a huge gigantic vomit. It is so inter-.

Daddy Brad: Like fake vomit?

Daddy Clay: No.

Daddy Brad: no-no Ipecac.

Daddy Clay: No you throw up and it's like so internet. You know it is just so internet of comedy.

Daddy Owen: That I throw up?

Daddy Clay: You throw up and then you know whatever symptoms.

Daddy Brad: Then you are ok-

Daddy Owen: There was a lot of stuff mentioned with no drinking and no sex and anal bleeding.

Daddy Brad: So your feet are swelling and hurting. So you wear what a size?

Daddy Owen: A size 8.

Daddy Brad: So you are going to wear a size 6.

Daddy Owen: I still I don't really remember my wife having anal bleeding.

Daddy Clay: You are nauseous all the time. It's so funny. It's like yes.

Daddy Owen: We do this like a day. We do this like half an afternoon?

Daddy Clay: No. I mean it's nine months.

Daddy Brad: Nine months pregnant.

Daddy Clay: It's nine months.

Daddy Owen: I think the nine months is going to be too long. I am going to try and you know through email because that is the way I can be passive and aggressive at the same time kind of narrow that down to like three days.

Daddy Brad: Oh no drinking.

Daddy Clay: No drinking, not a drink, total sobriety for nine months.

Daddy Brad: Yes.

Daddy Owen: The last time I didn't drink was when my mom quit drinking when she was breast feeding.

Daddy Clay: Did you have to go to parties? Like we will take you to a strip club right? We'll take you to a strip club.

Daddy Brad: We'll go too. I like that part.

Daddy Clay: And you don't get to drink. And maybe you have to wait outside in the car and you drive us.

Daddy Owen: Since I get paid in beer here, really that would be nine months of no pay basically.

Daddy Brad: We will take you to the doctor and they can do a complete exam.

Daddy Clay: Speculum.

Daddy Owen: A speculum? That thing? This thing?

Daddy Clay: It's the caulking gun with the spoons on it.

Daddy Brad: Got to look inside, woot! Woot!

Daddy Owen: I don't have a vagina yoni.

Daddy Clay: We'll make one.

Daddy Brad: Well yeah.

Daddy Owen: If I had to pick one of them to be the father all of them have really excellent traits. I'm drinking but throwing up.

Daddy Clay: Yes

Daddy Brad: Yes.

Daddy Owen: And no sex, but a man is allowed to stick a speculum up my ass? I think Troy would be most gentle.

Daddy Clay: Thing about pregnant women and sex is not that they can't have sex; it's that they don't want to.

Daddy Brad: Right.

Daddy Clay: So you have to find a way to make Owen not want to have sex.

Daddy Owen: I think Brad would probably be quickest.

Daddy Brad: We can tie his balls.

Daddy Clay: Or we could do just a like a jock strap like broken glass? I think that ball tie has been done.

Daddy Brad: Like they do to castrate the bulls with a rubber band. They put it there and "Bop!"

Daddy Owen: I don't want to be-I don't think castration has - I think Clay would be willing to cuddle after and that's important. I mean -that means something to me.

Daddy Clay: Like a ring around your cock or something?

Daddy Brad: Something, something that will make not want to have it.

Daddy Troy: Mainline salt peter?

Daddy Owen: No sex will be difficult as well. I wonder if that means even with myself? I am guessing it does.

Daddy Clay: All day you are doing like uppers and downers and like you know-you get disoriented.

Daddy Owen: Alright so I am disoriented, mood swings, I am not allowed to drink. I have to throw up every day and join you guys on a night on the town but not drink at the same time. Oh right.

Daddy Brad: Speculum.

Daddy Owen: Yeah, yeah Mr. go where no man has gone before.

Daddy Brad: Owen?

Daddy Owen: Yeah?

Daddy Brad: Thirty visit, thirty people watching you.

Daddy Troy: I bet you get a (unintelligible )

Daddy Brad: Maybe let's 40.

Daddy Owen: Do you think people would leave comment?

Daddy Brad: I think you probably would get comments.

Daddy Owen: I think my wife Jodi I think she would respond in the same way I responded to her when I found out she was pregnant which was with shock and fear and a lot of drinking.

Daddy Clay: We just want to say Owen we think this is made for you.

Daddy Brad: Owen we'll knock you up.

Daddy Owen: Thank you, thank you. I wonder how we do birth.

Daddy Clay: You can't do a stuffed shirt. Do we-is there anything else we could?

Daddy Owen: Maybe that is where the anal bleeding comes into it.

Daddy Troy: We could do the empathy belly,

Daddy Brad: What's that?

Daddy Troy: It's this product they sell to like universities and Lamaze classes and things like that where the guy puts on the belly and it has these straps that tighten down. You gain 30 pounds and it has a little weight that kicks you in the bladder all the time. And it has rib constraints.

Daddy Owen: Yes, yes.

Daddy Troy: As well as bladder pressure meter as well. It raises your temperature.

Daddy Owen: Curious what does it feel like? Because this empathy suit like it has. It has boobies and you know I have always-what would it be like? Okay I am in.

Daddy Clay: I think we have a deal.

Daddy Owen: Can I drink until then?

Daddy Brad: Sure

Daddy Clay: Yeah.

Daddy Troy: But now we have to start trying to get pregnant.

Daddy Brad: Yeah you better drink a lot too so we can get pregnant.

Daddy Owen: That's a good point.

Daddy Brad: Okay this is going to be big.

Daddy Troy: Cheers mom.

Daddy Clay: Oh look the numbers are up. It means we have had 30 people today.