Owen thinks that just because he's strapped on a pregnancy simulator, downed ipecac, and worn shoes two sizes too small, he knows what pregnancy is like. A panel of doulas, and other experienced moms set him straight. Then bend him over.

DADDY OWEN: I’m trying to get in touch with my lady friends.

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DADDY OWEN: To find out what it really feels like to be a pregnant man we decided to invite over a bunch of women and just sit down with them and have them tell us what I should be experiencing.

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[at his house]

DADDY OWEN: What should we do to me to make me experience symptoms that you had?

WOMAN 1: Ham and cream cheese in one of those little containers, ram it up in there and then blow your nose. Oh, yeah. I forgot you don’t have a…

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DADDY OWEN: Some people brought some pickles and ice cream. They were all drinking. I wasn’t. I learned a hell of a lot.

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DADDY OWEN: I have to go through everything.

WOMAN 2: The flatulence. The indigestion.

DADDY OWEN: When does the flatulence start?

WOMAN 3: Sometimes early on, sometimes it’s not until the end.

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DADDY OWEN: I asked them what are the symptoms to be pregnant and I was expecting a short list. I got a really long list.

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WOMAN 3: When you drink you get terrible heartburn and hot flashes.

JODI: Why did you bring home fish!? Don’t you know I have an aversion to fish?

WOMAN 3: A pregnant person smells different due to hormones and that’s like in the cleavage and in the crotch.

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DADDY OWEN: What??

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JODI: The sciatica. The shooting stinging pain in a line down your butt.

WOMAN 3: Being pregnant increases your mucus level all throughout your body so you should have more congestion. You should also be moist in the other areas.

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DADDY OWEN: The word moist came up many times but not like brownies are moist. It was obviously an unpleasant moistness.

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WOMAN 4: So you have like two things you can wear and then they get wet and you have to wash them every day.

JODI: Yeah, nothing fits.

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DADDY OWEN: One thing that keeps coming up with pregnant women and the men who love them is boobies.

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WOMAN 3: The boob can also be tender. Water is bad. It’s like shards of glass coming out of the shower head.

WOMAN 1: I got pancake nipples. The areola gets big sometimes. The way that you get road rash on your testicles, the way that you would stand to keep the fabric from touching them, you would put your shoulders in to keep it from touching.

WOMAN 2: And God forbid anyone wants to touch them.

DADDY OWEN: Let’s talk about sex.

WOMAN 1: Nothing cylindrical was safe in the second trimester.

WOMAN 2: There’s also the third trimester in which the positioning gets very complicated. So Jodi would have to mount you in a very complicated fashion.

WOMAN 5: Do you want me to mount you? So you go like this. Careful now. Now this won’t hurt the baby.

DADDY OWEN: Now I get down like this?

WOMAN 5: How’s that feel honey? Can I touch your pancake nipples?

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DADDY OWEN: I learned a lot that night about what women go through to have your body go through all these changes, what it feels like to have a woman mount you from behind. All in all, quite an education.